In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal that no matter what happens – even when it isn’t your fault – it is still your responsibility to fix it.
First a quick update:
The Breakup Test
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5 Reasons Celebrity Deaths Affect Us So Hard
Almost every one of us can name a celebrity’s death that that has truly affected us. What is it about celebrity deaths that affects us so hard and even prompts us to buy more of their music and art when they die? Watch the video
Now, let’s talk about the principle that no matter what happens – even when it isn’t your fault – it is still your responsibility to fix it.
You have a car accident; it’s clearly not your fault but, whose responsibility is it to contact the insurance company and do all that is necessary to get the car fixed?
You were molested as a child; it’s clearly not your fault but, whose responsibility is it to get the help and healing you need so you can live a happy and fulfilling life?
Your partner cheated on you; it’s clearly not your fault but, whose responsibility is it to get over the betrayal and rejection so you can enjoy life and express & receive love once again?
The answer to all 3 questions above is “You!”
The distinction between fault and responsibility is a topic in a video by Will Smith which has gone viral and been viewed over 13 million times.
“Don’t matter whose fault it is that something is broken if it’s your responsibility to fix it. For example it’s not somebody’s fault if their father was an abusive alcoholic, but it is for damn sure their responsibility to figure out how they are going to deal with those traumas and try to make a life out of it.”
I would like here to add to what Will Smith says.
The distinction between fault and responsibility is best explained this way:
Do you focus on punishing the person whose fault it is or, do you focus on solving the issue and problem?
Anger is usually our initial reaction to being hurt, injured or wronged, or not getting our way. If we do not know how to respond to the anger, and if we choose to keep fueling it by focusing on fault and punishment, then it consumes and controls us (and anger destroys the body.) In turn, we waste all of our energy pointing fingers, tossing blame, throwing guilt and scheming to hurt the other person and make them ‘pay’ for the wrong they did to us.
What is the problem with that?
It is wasted energy, and instead of solving whatever has been ‘broken’, we now create an additional problem and more negative emotions – stress, bitterness, anger, revenge, vindictiveness, blame and ultimately more suffering in victimhood!
That is the key point – the choice to focus only on whose fault it is, makes you a victim and pushes you away from the solution to the problem. Perhaps you might even succeed in punishing the person whose fault it is for what occurred but, you will still be stuck with the problem.
Please note here, that I am not saying that people who commit crimes or harm others should not be punished. Think of the #MeToo movement. When the focus is on stopping the current and future abuse of innocent women, then the focus is on a solution. And yet, it is still the responsibility of the victims of the abuse to get the help they need to heal themselves, and to be able to live happy and fulfilling lives, free of the trauma.
The person that did the wrong thing is responsible for what happened; you are responsible for the way you will respond and fix or change the final outcome!
Another key point missing from Will Smith’s video is that choosing to be responsible for your life, your choices, your responses and your outcomes is not always easy. In fact, often it is very hard: you might have to face truths about yourself, about the choices you made in the past or emotional pain and trauma that needs facing and healing.
“Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.”
– George Bernard Shaw
Bernard Shaw sums it up beautifully – most of us prefer to live in the chains of victimhood and toss blame and guilt rather than climb the mountain of freedom – accepting responsibility for yourself, your outcomes, and your perceptions!
Those people that reach the mountain top realize that it is actually responsibility for oneself that leads to feeling free, empowered and in control of one’s life.
Take note of your life and your thoughts and emotions. It is your thoughts that create emotions, and those emotions drive us to take action (or not) and, in turn, that action produces results.
You have the power to make new choices, to re-sculpt yourself and your life!
“It is your heart, your life, and your happiness; it is your responsibility and your responsibility alone!”
– Will Smith
You can add to the conversation below.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.