An Eye for an Eye – Man Humiliates his Wife

An eye for an eye - man humiliates his wife

An eye for an eye – man humiliates his wife

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss “an eye for an eye” – is it OK to publicly humiliate your wife in order to prove yourself right?

First a quick update:

“Is Kate Middleton’s ‘mummy tummy’ coverage disrespectful to women?”
Read the insights I gave about the impact on women by the media’s obsession with Kate Middleton’s post pregnancy body here.

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“The Pope welcomes Gay Priests?”
Pope Francis says that the Catholic Church will welcome gays as long as they don’t act on their desires., even though the church still views homosexuality as a sin. But is the Pope also contradicting the New Testament, and does that mean Gay Priests will be accepted into the church? Watch the video.

Now, let’s talk about an eye for an eye” – is it OK to publicly humiliate your wife in order to prove yourself right?

Even if you are not religious, you have probably heard or read about this teaching and motto:

‘If a man injures his neighbor, just as he has done, so it shall be done to him: fracture for fracture, eye for eye, tooth for tooth; just as he has injured a man, so it shall be inflicted on him. Thus the one who kills an animal shall make it good, but the one who kills a man shall be put to death.…’ Leviticus 24:20

Many people use this quote as a means to justifying revenge or justifying treating someone poorly to the extent that they have been treated.

One husband claims his wife had been saying bad things about him to their friends and he wanted revenge.

James Mongiat, age 30, claimed that his wife Whitney, also 30, had been telling friends that he is a bad guy and he wanted to prove his side of the story.

The challenge is that James secretly videotaped his wife, Whitney, throwing a major tantrum and then he posted it online for the entire world to see.

In the video, Whitney is throwing a tantrum equivalent to a 3-year old. You can see her throwing herself back and forth, flailing her arms and screaming extremely loud as she was crying in frustration. Watch the video here.

At the same time, it is also obvious from the video that James is teasing her, egging-her on and reveling in the power he has over her as she is in emotional pain and screaming; he is enjoying her frustration and he is acting like an older, bullying brother as he laughs at her.

There is little doubt from the video alone, that both spouses are highly-dysfunctional and mean to each other, and that they are not healthy for each other. Incidentally, they have been married only 14 months.

It is critical to note that every one of us has lost their cool at some time or another; hopefully few of us have ever thrown a tantrum of the magnitude of Whitney, as that indicates low emotional intelligence and stunted emotional development.

However, the question arises, if Whitney had been throwing tantrums and had been portraying her husband James as the big, bad ogre to friends, does that give him the right to secretly film her and post it online?

One might argue: ‘After all, he is simply paying her back; she spoke negatively about him to friends, so he is going to show her negatively to friends also.‘

No. this is very wrong.

Why?

An eye for an eye is not a good motto when it comes to relationships of any kind; it turns a loving, committed relationship into a business contract based not on love but on equal exchange of good or bad. It poisons the relationship, transforming it into a relationship of punishment and rewards.

One might also argue that the marriage of James and Whitney was not loving or committed. And now, any intention of solving the problems or salvaging the marriage, are not possible.

James was immature and vindictive. He focused on his ego – being right. He humiliated her – in front of her friends and family – and in front of the world.

The very things he criticized her for doing, are the same things he also did – displaying a lack of emotional control, a lack of self-discipline and obvious acts of selfishness and disrespect for the other person.

When someone hurts us (lies, cheats, betrays, shames, blames or wrongs us in some way) it is easy to consider revenge along with the desire to hurt them as much as they hurt us. But an eye for an eye might be appropriate in criminal law but it doesn’t apply in a loving committed relationship where the intention is to express love, kindness and compassion. Revenge of equal proportions also does not improve the relationship or enhance it in any way whatsoever.

If James felt Whitney’s tantrums were unbearable, manipulative and destructive to the relationship, he could have ended the marriage without publicly humiliating her. Now, Whitney says she is filing for divorce.

Finally, we all have choices in every moment, and the best choice is the one that is carefully considered, weighed against the consequences and suffering that everyone will experience. Revenge and vindictiveness do not always result in closure, happiness or peace of mind!

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
www.patrickwanis.com

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3 replies
  1. Avatar
    Vikas says:

    Just found your site and im going to have to read it thoroughly. My wife left me about a nmeubr of months ago and took my children, every week I see them I feel she is trying to alienate me from my children, my oldest (8) becomes more withdrawn as the weeks go by, she bribes my youngest (5) with money to try and control my access which results with them getting upset when I say no. She regularly visits neighbours in my street with my children although she lives over 30 miles away and wont let them say hello for 2 mins and fabricates lies about her own safety to the point where the neighbours spread gossip, follow me and acts like body guards every time she leave’s. Last night she refused me 2 mins to see my children in their Halloween outfits while the neighbour shouted to my sister you don’t now what he’s done ??? and she’s told my oldest that she’s scared to send them over to see me in-case I grab them and lock the door? What dismays me is that I get full parental access every fortnight for 2 days but she’s scared i’ll grab my kids when she visits the neighbours ??. Its all an act and I cant do anything about it.My solicitor is more concerned in the financial aspects of the divorce, and is reluctant to get involved and the CSA take her side even though I have always given her money prior to their involvement.I feel the only avenue is the social services however im scared that if I talk to them then my wife will completely refuse me access.I just feel like a leper in my own street, i feel my children are being slowly brainwashed against me, she makes comments in front of them regarding dart boards and my picture, she bribes them with money, accuses me of treating my children badly via solicitors letters, refuses to communicate via any other means other that solicitors, just feel like im getting to breaking point. i have worked hard all my life to provide for my wife and children and nobody seems to want to help I just dont know where to go

  2. Avatar
    Erol says:

    Here’s the entire video.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmlZscgBVuI

    She’s throwing a tantrum, “having and anxiety attack”, because she wants cigarettes and demands he husband take her on the lake rather than catch up on some responsibilities. Then she’s going to pull her usual stunt of humiliating him to all her friends on text and FB as a terrible husband that doesn’t care for her.

    He’s completely justified. Saved a tiny bit of respect with all those probably 1000 plus facebook people. He probably saved some children from a terrible divorce and a mother telling them how horrible their father is.

  3. Avatar
    Erol says:

    I’d say she humiliated herself. Let’s turn the tables and say it was a woman videotaping her man out of control, “throwing a tantrum”. We’d all be running to her aid because it’s actually, in truth, not OK for men to lose control, but when a woman does it, she’s completely justified and it must have been something the man did.

    I don’t think women are helpless like that. That somehow men MAKE women have out of control emotions BUT men are supposed to be 100% in control and there is nothing a woman could do to justify his upset.

    I think we need the WHOLE story. What were both of them really like, not the rumors told to their friends. Maybe it’s a little humiliating to have a secret sex tape released (but today it actually makes a woman a millionaire). But the old adage may apply: If you wouldn’t be proud of someone seeing what you’re doing, you probably shouldn’t do it.

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