In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the significance of being and giving 100 percent of yourself if you want to win.
First a quick update:
“Coaches, counselors and therapists”
Learn my unique therapeutic tool which helps clients to make radically fast behavioral and emotional changes without reliving trauma and without months or years of talk or emotional or psychological dependence upon the therapist.
“Beware the mask”
Why do we hide behind so many masks and how can we remove the mask which traps us? Find out more.
Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert.
“What is love?”
Recently, I witnessed an interesting yet no so rare phenomenon between two siblings, in this case two adult sisters, whereby one sister who is single became very jealous and tried to sabotage her sister’s flourishing romantic relationship. And yet the jealous and vindictive sister will gladly shout out that she loves her sister. So what is love when it’s not simply a word to be bandied around? Watch the video.
Now, let’s talk about the significance of being and giving 100 percent of yourself if you want to win.
Recently, another reporter requested my input and insights regarding more rumors of a split between George Clooney and his wife Amal. Specifically, the reporter wanted to know why this relationship might have been doomed from the beginning.
The obvious answers might be: the loss of independence and freedom of choice for George Clooney who was a bachelor for 53 years prior to getting married, and clashing values stemming from both George and Amal being in different leagues and worlds.
However, the question prompted me to think further about another key element which splits marriages and relationships – not giving 100 percent of yourself.
It is a common catchcry of coaching in sport: you have to give 100 percent of yourself if you want to win.
“I’ve got a theory that if you give 100% all of the time, somehow things will work out in the end.” – Larry Bird (former US basketball player)
“There are only two options regarding commitment. You’re either IN or you’re OUT. There is no such thing as life in-between.” – Pat Riley (US former coach and basketball player)
However, few people apply the same rule and principle to every area of their life, particularly to the area of relationships.
In sport, giving 100% of yourself refers to giving all of your physical effort, mental effort, and various sacrifices of time, as well as training and performing in spite of doubt, fear or other emotions.
In relationships, giving 100% of yourself can be perceived as almost identical – giving of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally.
I believe giving 100% of yourself refers to first being true to yourself (which I will explain in a moment), then giving all of yourself to the relationship.
Specifically, I define ‘giving all of yourself’ as being and allowing yourself to be completely vulnerable, and in turn, thus being fully and completely intimate.
Intimacy can be perceived as ‘into-me-you-see’; emotional nakedness.
“You find that you have peace of mind and can enjoy yourself, get more sleep, and rest when you know that it was a one hundred percent effort that you gave –win or lose.” – Gordie Howe (former Canadian ice hockey player)
Thus, I began to wonder about people who have been independent and single for many years or even most of their lives: do they still make themselves vulnerable to others? Do they have the opportunity to truly be fully and completely emotionally intimate? Do they hide behind masks? Do they hide themselves? To whom do they give 100 percent of themselves?
Does someone like George Clooney who has married for 4 years at age 28 and was subsequently single most of life, face the same challenges of being vulnerable, intimate, emotionally naked and giving 100 percent of himself to someone else? Please note, this is not a judgment of Clooney’s choices nor is this article about him.
However, we can also pose the same questions to every one of us, even those of us in ‘committed’ relationships: do you still make yourself vulnerable to others? Do you have and take the opportunity to truly be fully and completely emotionally intimate? Do you hide behind masks? Do you hide yourself? To whom do you give 100 percent of yourself?
No relationship can be successful and fulfilling while either partner is withholding part of him or herself. How can someone love you if you choose not to reveal all of yourself? How can you love someone if you don’t give of yourself – your physical energy; your thoughts, focus & attention; your emotions (fears, fantasies, goals, desires, disappointments and triumphs)? Radical honesty is freeing!
“You need to love yourself and be yourself one hundred percent before you can actually love someone else.” – Christina Perri (singer-songwriter)
The prerequisite to choosing to allow yourself to be open, vulnerable and emotionally naked is being true to yourself – knowing yourself, loving and accepting every aspect of yourself – the jewels and the flaws. Only when you choose to love, forgive and accept yourself can you then feel safe to open yourself to someone else, as well as trust your own judgment that you are opening yourself to the right person – someone who will bring out the best in you while encouraging you to correct the flaws as much as possible.
“Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.” – Lou Holtz
“Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.” – Thomas A. Edison
“You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn’t enough in the second half you give what’s left.” – Yogi Berra (US baseball catcher, manager, coach)
Finally, you probably might already be aware that the fear to be intimate and vulnerable often stems from the fear of rejection and/or specifically a traumatic experience which creates self-doubt and the belief that it is not safe to express oneself or that one is not worthy and good enough. If you need more help to regain your authentic self who believes that he/she is worthy and his/her love is valuable, then consider a one-on-one session with me.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.