How Fear Controls You

How fear controls you

How fear controls you

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about fear and how it controls you.

First a quick update:

George Clooney & Fabio, Heath Ledger, Rihana & Josh Hartnett, Matthew Perry & Mandy Moore, Paul McCartney -read my perspectives on celebrity behavior in The New York Observer.

Read my new article “The emotional stresses of being overweight for Date.com and Matchmaker.com’s weekly newsletter.

John Devore & Diana Falzone on Maxim Radio invite me back to reveal more secrets of seduction and insights into the female brain and how to use them to win over women. I test those techniques on Diana and she blushes and concedes…Listen here

Look for me in the December issue of Cosmopolitan magazine

Now let’s talk about fear and how it controls us.

Fear is the anticipation of pain, and is always set in the future. We fear that something bad or painful will or might happen. Fear does not exist. Yes, it feels real but it is the consequence of a thought. It is not tangible. Fear does not exist outside of our head.

The following is an excerpt from my book “How to Find Happiness” © 2003 where I sit down to answer questions posed to me by Angela Badolato.

-Doesn’t fear drive us and makes us more alert?

That is a common misconception. I have proven many times that a person in a relaxed hypnotic state is actually more alert and aware than a person in a state of fear. Under hypnosis a person’s senses are heightened, able to clearly hear noises from a distance and even sense movement in the room with eyes closed.

The way we respond to fear determines the end result. Fear can drive us to do great things or to freeze up. We determine our response to the challenge. Have you noticed how children use fear to move them, to motivate them to try new things? For example, children generally love roller coasters, horror movies and physical stunts and challenges. Their fear encourages them to try it, to take on the challenge. We need to understand that their fear is about excitement and a sense of adventure. As adults our fear generally stops us from taking risks or trying new things. We want to control everything. And there is a difference between being in control and being controlling. Being in control comes from a state of assuredness, self-confidence. On the other hand, trying to control things around us usually comes from the belief that we are out of control, from a feeling of fear of losing control, of being helpless.

As adults, we fear that we will fail, or that we will become embarrassed, ashamed and be rejected or we fear that we will lose something we have in our possession. Accordingly we tend to do nothing. Fear conquers us in that situation. Fear controls us!

-So does fear make us more alert?

First there is a difference between fear and caution. Fear freezes us, and caution can make us more alert. You cannot create and be inspired when under pressure or when you are experiencing fear. The more relaxed you are the better you perform -as a writer, a painter, a musician or a sportsman. I was a dancer and I know that I would often make mistakes on stage if I wasn’t relaxed enough to be concentrating on the moment at hand. If I was thinking about specific people in the audience and questioning and worrying about what they might think or how I might perform, then fear would enter the picture and I would make mistakes. Ask any Olympic athlete or an acrobat what fear does to his or her performance. It never improves it. Athletes and performers need to place all their energy, focus and concentration on the moment, on what they are doing. If they fear that they might make a mistake or fall, then that often happens.

I often refer to the Clint Eastwood movie, “Unforgiven” where Gene Hackman as Little Bill says that the most dangerous man is not the fastest with a pistol but the person who keeps his cool and doesn’t get rattled. Not being rattled and keeping your cool is about being in the present moment, which, in turn, heightens all of your senses.

I will also be recording a special one-hour program on how to overcome fear as a bonus for my readers. More info in the next few weeks.

I humbly suggest that you also practice a daily program to rebuild, empower and give yourself greater confidence by using daily my Hypnosis CD: “Feel Good about yourself.

Remember to check out my Blog on my website to read my past Success Newsletters, post your comments and take a few exciting quizzes. If you have received this newsletter as a forward and would like to receive all of my newsletters please enter your email address on the home page.

I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist
www.patrickwanis.com

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