In this week’s Success Newsletter,
Seven tips on ways to survive and strengthen your relationships during Covid-19 and forced togetherness!
First a quick update:
The Breakup Test
Are you heartbroken, angry, lost, lonely, confused, depressed, hung up, or pining over your ex? Do you know how your ex is truly affecting you and do you want to benefit from personalized advice, action steps and revelations? Take my free breakup test and get your own personalized report.
Coronavirus – Now What Really Matters To You?
Covid-19 Pandemic has disrupted life resulting in losses, confusion, instability, uncertainty, quarantines, illnesses and deaths. What now gives meaning to life for you? What do you miss? At the end of your life, what will you regret? Watch my video to learn the one thing I believe you will regret.
Now, let’s talk about seven tips on ways to survive and instead strengthen your relationships during Covid-19 and forced togetherness!
While some people are experiencing loneliness during Covid-19 because they are not able to spend time in person with their close friends, other people are arguing and coming close to breakups or divorce because they are forced to be together with their spouse, partner or family.
Jada Pinkett Smith who quarantined with her husband of 22 years, reveals: “I think one of the things that I realized is that I don’t know Will at all. I feel like there’s a layer that you get to; life gets busy and then you create these stories in your head and then you hold onto these stories and that is your idea of your partner, but that’s not who your partner is.”
“Going through the process of having to dissolve all the stories and all of the ideas of Will that I’ve built around those stories, the thing that Will and I are learning to do is be friends. You get into all these ideas of what intimate relationships are supposed to look like, what marriages are supposed to be, so Will and I are in the process of him taking the time to learn to love himself, me taking the time to learn to love myself, and us building a friendship along the way.”
Forced togetherness creates stress as two people spend almost 24 hours together: psychological fears, perceived threats and unresolved issues or trauma will also trigger your fight or flight response and unresolved emotions resulting in more problems and arguments.
The pandemic for most people triggers one or more of these 7 emotions:
1. Fear & Anxiety
2. Sadness, Grief
3. Uncertainty, Hopelessness & Helplessness
6. Guilt, Shame
7. Rumination, Depression
Covid-19 and forced togetherness easily bring out the worst in relationships (i.e. the truth is being presented and people are exposed for who they really are because there are less distractions, and less escaping each other and oneself.) Also, the expectations you set for each other changes dramatically in the context of Covid-19.
“Then [you] realize I don’t know you and you don’t know me. But also realizing, too, there’s an aspect of yourself you don’t know either.” – Jada Pinkett Smith
Here are some tips and questions to deepen your relationship. Ponder them and then perhaps ask your partner to do the same and share your responses and answers.
1 Become Self-Aware
Through self-reflection, Jada Pinkett Smith was able to identify that she was trying to “control and conquer”, and instead needed to shift to understanding and acceptance. Who are you now during Covid-19 in this relationship?
2 Manage Expectations
What are your expectations of your partner?
Are you expecting perfection?
What do you believe your role is and what do you believe your partner’s role is?
Are you now expecting something new or more from your partner?
Are you bringing up old, unresolved issues?
Looking inwards helps you to determine what your expectations truly are.
3 Express Appreciation
Are you showing appreciation for your partner and the value that he/she brings to the relationship and to your life?
Are you able to experience real intimacy by choosing to see and value who your partner really is, separate from the roles he/she plays or the image and expectations you have created in your own head?
4 Reinforce Your Strong Points and Your Values
What brought you both together?
The answer to that question usually is seen as your strong point; what do you do well together? Whatever it is, do more of it.
Are your values in alignment with each other?
You can’t be authentic, and you definitely can’t get along if your values clash. Spend time now to re-evaluate what is important and meaningful to each of you.
Focus on the positive, on what is working in your relationship.
5 Be Patient and Compassionate
This is a unique situation and experience for all of us. When one person experiences illness, loss or some other hardship, then the other person carries the load and offers support. However, both partners (every one of us) are all experiencing hardships, stress and agitative emotions.
Remember that your partner, too, is being challenged and going through a hard time, not just you! Be patient with and express compassion to yourself and to your partner. Don’t decide how your partner is going to respond based on your perception or image of them and what you think they are going to do or how they are going to respond – give them a chance to respond in their own way.
6 Come Closer, Rediscover Yourself and Your Partner
Each one of us responds differently to stress, conflict, and challenges. Some people confront the problem, some withdraw; some people become offensive, some hide, and others just freeze or hide their emotions. Beware of isolating or distancing yourself. Be patient and compassionate and, come closer to each other. Share your feelings, concerns and fears; actively listen, ask questions, seek to understand and offer support. Ask yourself: Was I kind to my partner today? Did we treat each other with respect? Can we trust each other?
7 Reveal The Beauty In Your Partner
“If you could see yourself through my eyes, you would realize how beautiful you are.” – Rumi
As you rediscover yourself and your partner, use this exercise to recreate the love and heart connection. It is called “The beauty I see in you…” I promise it will transform your connection.
If you need help to overcome a challenge, trauma or the past, book a one-on-one session with me.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.