In this Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about the link between self-esteem and success.
Every great success coach will tell you that the foundation to your success in life depends on what you believe about yourself: your self-image, self-concept and self-esteem. You cannot get what you want in life if you don’t believe you deserve it because you most likely won’t even try. Have you heard the expressions: ‘Oh, that’s not for me…I just wouldn’t feel right asking…he/she’s out of my league…I can’t accept that gift – it’s too expensive…”
These are examples of people who don’t believe they deserve any better than what they have right now. These are people who think success and the good things in life are intended for others and not them.
What do you believe you deserve?
On Monday this week, I was on MSNBC giving an interview about Paris Hilton. (You can watch the interview here). I know that many people are tired of hearing about her but let me share with you some insights that can add to your success. Paris Hilton is suffering from narcissism which means that all she has been taught to do is to take, take and take and that she is simply trying to fill an inner emptiness with things outside of her and although she seems to be confident she is in fact insecure, arrogant and has low self-esteem. When we truly like, love and respect ourselves we treat others the same way. A key component of success is our personal power – the power we have over ourselves – the control we have over the way we feel in any given moment. And this is directly tied to our self-esteem.
So what is self-esteem? It is how much you like and accept yourself: how significant you feel and how capable you feel. In other words, do you feel valuable and special? Below is an excerpt from my book: “How to get over it” with exercises to raise your self-esteem
To like yourself also involves accepting who you are – every part of you. To arrive at this point, you must first be completely honest and open with yourself. Write out a list of all of your strengths and weaknesses. Accept now your weaknesses. For example, if you identify that you easily get angry or raise your voice, accept that and decide now that you will begin immediately to work on changing that. Become aware when you are next angry. Become aware when you are raising your voice and choose in that moment to make a change. Next praise and reward yourself for any small change and improvement you make. Be gentle and patient with yourself. It takes time to change years of habits and programming. Take the list of your strengths and read them daily. Focus on these positive qualities and traits and feel them. One of the key reasons people feel poorly about themselves is because they spend too much time focusing on their faults and weaknesses. Focus on your strengths and how that makes you feel. Remember, you get more of what you focus on!
Whose lives do you impact? Who needs or depends on you? Write out a list of the names of the people in your life who depend on you and for what. For example, if you are a parent, it is obvious your children depend on you and for love, nurturing, nourishment, shelter, advice, guidance, support and encouragement. If you are a son or daughter, how do you impact the life of your parents or family? If you are a business owner or employer then you are truly vital to the lives of your employees. If right now, you are out of work and alone and you feel that you are not contributing to anyone, then go and do some simple volunteer work. Every act of kindness you do raises your body’s Serotonin (a feel good chemical) making you feel better about yourself.
We waste too much energy beating ourselves up for the mistakes we have made and for what we perceive to be our limitations. This action destroys our self-esteem. Begin now to write a list of your talents, gifts, skills, expertise, abilities and potential. Write everything you can think of. Given that we often discount our own abilities, consider asking your friends for their input to help you identify all of your talents. Maybe you are artistic, well-organized, a great housekeeper, clean and tidy, funny, entertaining, a leader, a workhorse, a loving mother, a phenomenal cook, a teacher, sporty, comfortable and popular with children, creative, etc. Read and add to this list daily. The more time you spend focusing on everything that is good about you, the better you will feel about yourself! If you want to feel better and raise your self-esteem, check out my Hypnosis audio program “Feel Good About Yourself.”
Also, I now have a Blog on my website where you can read all of my past Success Newsletters, post your comments and even take a few exciting quizzes.
I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.