In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss hate, reveal its origins and the ways to overcome it.
First a quick update:
“Miley Cyrus rebels against dad at the VMAs – twerking – emotional incest?”
Miley Cyrus shocks the world including celebrities when she dances sexually, simulates sex on live TV – twerking at the VMAs. Is this a sign of emotional incest? Emotional Mojo TV show hosts get fired up! I reveal that Miley’s sexual behavior is a direct rebellion against her father Billy Ray Cyrus; he baptized the family before bringing them to Los Angeles in order to protect them from Satan the Devil. Watch the video here.
“Co-hosting the new show “Emotional Mojo” on YouToo cable Television”
Watch this inspirational and motivational TV show built around psychology and personal development but presented in a fast-paced morning news format.
“Dating your best friend”
Read my insights about the pros and cons of dating your best friend here.
Now, let’s talk about hate and reveal its origins and the ways to overcome it.
“Don’t you just hate that when it happens?..I hate him…I hate my job”
We use the word ‘hate’ in many contexts and it does have different meanings – repulsion, dislike, righteous indignation, aversion, revulsion and hostility.
In this article, I am referring to aversion and active hostility.
From where does this emotion come?
Self-protection – survival
Hate can be a function of self-protection; we need to be able to distinguish a friend from a foe for survival. A lack of ‘hate’ can lead to a lack of caution thus allowing someone to potentially harm us. We need hate in situations of self-defense and potential danger or threats.
The second origin of hate is fear – fear of the unknown, fear of uncertainty.
Blame, control and need for concrete answers
The third origin of hate is the attempt to explain the inexplicable. When a tragedy occurs or something bad happens, we automatically look to find a clear or concrete answer to what has happened and “why.” The simplest “why” is to assign blame to something or someone. For example, Pat Robertson, evangelical Christian and host of the “700 Club” TV show suggested that God was punishing Americans with Hurricane Katrina, and also said that Haiti made a “pact to the devil” and that brought on the devastating 2010 earthquake in Haiti.
By assigning blame, the expression of hatred serves to relieve some of the anxiety regarding the cause of ‘bad things’ and it creates a sense of control. Again, the emotion of fear and loss of control is replaced and alleviated by the intensity of the emotion of hatred.
Separation & unity
Paradoxically, separating ourselves from other people and other groups helps to unify and bond our own group or tribe; this applies to all forms of ‘tribes’ – groups, families, sporting teams, corporations, political groups, nations, cultures and races. Accordingly, when we express hatred against the ‘enemy’ we strengthen, solidify and unify our own group. For example, during World War I and again in 1941, Winston Churchill (and the Allies in World War II) used the term “the Hun” to refer to the enemy Germany, and they accompanied it with images so the people and nations could unify their hatred towards one goal and the extinction of the enemy. Propaganda took the form of posters reading “Beat back the Hun with Liberty Funds.”
Feelings of helplessness can also lead to hate and hatred of others. In the US, fractured groups, general mistrust of government, institutions, other nations and religion in general, along with lack of direction and a moral compass, have resulted in a learned helplessness that ironically drives hatred, revulsion, extreme separation and isolation.
“Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?” – Abraham Lincoln
Laziness and lack of understanding
Hatred is also the direct result of the conscious refusal to gain understanding about that which is different – a person, race, ideology, culture, nation and so forth. That refusal can be driven by laziness or fear – the fear to experience the pain or emotions of the object of hatred. For example, a public furor occurred when a Canadian mother of an autistic child received a lengthy hate letter from an anonymous neighbor attacking her severely autistic 13-year-old child: “Do the right thing and move or euthanize him!!! Either way, we are ALL better off!!!!” the letter concludes. “Sincerely, One pissed off mother!!!!!”
Paradoxically, many people responded to the letter of hate with their own hate. However, the incident raised the general question about why we hate disabled people or people in general who do not have all of the full human capacities – an amputee, an autistic person, a deformed child, etc.
On the TV show “Emotional Mojo” I pointed out that many times, our hatred simply comes from the place of fear – the fear to feel the pain of this person, the fear to face our sense of inadequacy or the fear to face our own guilt for being physically or mentally able. Again, this also raises the origin of hate which says “they are different from us.”
Remember, we bond and feel close to people whom we feel are very similar to us – mentally, physically, emotionally, culturally and, whom share the same values, morals, principals and ideologies.
Of course, one can rightly argue, that is we look into the other person, if we truly get to know them, we can then see and awaken to see how similar we are – in terms of our humanness, frailty and common needs.
The refusal to deal with and face our hatred only drives it and leads to negation of intimacy and connection; we see the ‘enemy’, the person that is different from us as not being human and thus deserving of eradication – the very words of the anonymous author of the above letter.
The broadcast of these opinions either leads to open discussion, reeducation and compassion (thus acceptance of others) or it becomes propaganda used to foment hate.
Another example is the comments by Pat Robertson (referenced above – host of “The 700 Club” TV show) delved into a discussion about AIDS and said that individuals infected with AIDS in cities like San Francisco purposefully infect others by cutting them with special rings (which is also scientifically false and inaccurate – AIDS is transmitted via contact of infected blood or body fluids not through cuts alone.) While everyone has a right to voice their opinion and beliefs, such comments promote hate by also creating and targeting people as non-human – enemies of God, vermin, rapists, savages, power-crazed and greedy people, and so forth.
When we refuse to monitor our hatred, it can lead to the passion of hatred – the desire to act on the hatred, to run from the enemy or to kill him/her (violence, bullying, bombing, wars, etc.)
We fuel the hatred by justifying it with a belief system that supports the feelings of hate which, in turn, transforms the hostility to active hostility.
Hatred harms and poisons the person harboring and kindling the hatred, but it also attracts more hatred as well as people who also live with and by hatred.
“I believe that the best ways to combat hate are to understand it, to recognize it in oneself and to reject it. Moreover, I believe that wisdom ultimately may be the best cure. Wise people do not hate because they understand things from other people’s points of view, including those of people with whom they may have strong disagreements. Teaching people to think wisely, therefore, may be the best way to teach them to reject hate.” – Dr. Robert J. Sternberg
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.