In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the power of love versus the affects of neglect and hate.
First a quick update:
“Will Smith – irresponsible parent?
Click to read my insights and analysis about the new controversial song by 12-year old Willow Smith (daughter of Will and Jada Pinkett Smith) where the child sings about a summer fling and doing “it.”
“Is racism more important than human life?”
Is every black life precious? Is every human life precious? Click to watch the clip from the TV show Emotional Mojo where I reveal that racism has become more important than human life.
“How fashion brainwashed women”
Click to watch the clip from the TV show Emotional Mojo where I reveal how women have been brainwashed by the fashion industry and gay designers to believe they must look like adolescent boys.
Now, let’s talk about the power of love versus the affects of neglect and hate.
“A third reason why we should love our enemies is that love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend. We never get rid of an enemy by meeting hate with hate; we get rid of an enemy by getting rid of enmity. By its very nature, love creates and builds up. Love transforms with redemptive power.” – Martin Luther King, delivered at Dexter Avenue Baptist Church, Montgomery, Alabama, on 17 November 1957
In the US, protestors have taken to the streets marching against the acquittal of George Zimmerman in the killing of Trayvon Martin; the protests have been mostly peaceful with 14 arrests in Los Angeles. Meanwhile, Reverend Al Sharpton, a civil rights leader has called for more vigils, marches and protests across the country demanding “social justice” and a civil-rights probe of Zimmerman. Rev. Sharpton has already been criticized for inciting hate. But this article is not about racism, Zimmerman or social justice. It is, however, about the way we individually and collectively respond to people and the world around us: do we choose love or do we choose hate.
“Hate divides the personality, and love in an amazing and inexorable way unites it.” – Martin Luther King,
This article is about the transformative power of love; about the way that love affects each of us individually; about the way love affects the brain and; about the way a lack of love can lead to mental illness and psychopathic behavior.
We often struggle to understand what makes some people loving and kind and others cruel, sadistic or compassionless. Many people conclude that these types of people were born this way.
However, the answer is that their brain composition and development is different (damaged actually) as the result of neglect and a lack of love in the very early years of development. In fact, one recent study reveals that child abuse may shrink regions in the brain’s hippocampus (responsible for spatial orientation, emotional response and new memories.)
Nathan Fox, a child development researcher at the University of Maryland along with his colleagues followed for 13 years a group of children who lived as babies in orphanages around Bucharest, Romania. These institutions were recognized as being extremely harsh, understaffed, with rampant abuse and neglect.
“They all had to eat at the same time, bathe at the same time, go to the toilet at the same time. There was very little training for caregivers and a very bad ratio of caregivers to children.”
These infants were not allowed to be held or touched, nor allowed to attach to an adult in fear they would not be able to bond to an adopted family. They were never hugged or cuddled.
The researchers did tests on the brain of these children at age 8. The results:
- Early institutionalization changed both the structure and function of the brain
- The volume of gray matter (brain cell bodies) had shrunk
- There was less white matter in the brains of the orphanage children versus children who moved in with families
- Staying in an orphanage instead of foster care resulted in lower-quality brain activity
- Teachers indicated these kids were also worse off socially
Love and nurturing not only affects the brain, it determines a large part of its development; research reveals that children of nurturing mothers have hippocampus volumes 10 percent larger than children whose mothers were not as nurturing. Thus, children who develop secure attachment with their caregivers show greater brain activity.
The long term effects of being denied love, touch and nurturing are horrific as demonstrated by the example of a 22-year-old Kayla Bourque who admitted to taking delight in killing animals and fantasizing about shooting homeless people. Doctors described Kayla Bourque as a sexual sadist and narcissist with anti-social personality disorder and sociopathic tendencies. She was adopted by Canadian parents from a Romanian orphanage!
Love is not just a philosophy or a poetic ideal; for children as well as adults, it is a real force and power. Infants and children who receive love, affection, touch, hugging and cuddling grow up to be healthy well adjusted, secure adults. Adults who receive and express love have greater self-esteem, are in satisfying relationships and experience less depression and physical symptoms.
If it is now obvious that love affects the development of the brain and neglect shrinks the brain, then ponder the effects of a lack of love in adults, a lack of love coupled with hate. Which one do you choose today? Which one do you choose to teach to your children?
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
www.patrickwanis.com
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.