See It My Way – Change Your Perspective

See It My Way – Change Your Perspective

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the power of seeing things from a new perspective.

First a quick update:

“The Second Coming of Christ?”
Yet another self-professed guru, Mahendra Trivedi enters the foray of gurus, cults and brainwashing with claims that he can heal and cure diseases such as advanced cancer, rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia and chronic headaches. His promotional and marketing materials compare him to Jesus Christ but the only US institution to research Trivedi’s alleged gift and ability found no substance to his claims and people close to Trivedi claim he is a scam artist, a cult leader and a fraud with some women accusing him of sexual harassment and sexual assault. Listen to the revealing interview I gave to Michele Morrisette of about Trivedi and other gurus or

Also read my article “Gurus & brainwashing – Mahendra Trivedi is Jesus Christ?”.

Now, lets’ talk about changing your life by changing your perspective.

In 1965, British pop group, The Beatles had a number one hit with the song, “We can work it out”:

Try to see it my way,
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.
While you see it your way
There’s a chance that we might fall apart before too long.

The song was inspired by Paul McCartney’s experience with his girlfriend who was moving and Paul was trying to convince her that they could still be together in spite of the distance.

Accordingly, Paul does what most of us would do when trying to convince someone, tell them to see it our way, ‘view it from my perspective.’ And that is a natural response; the belief that ‘if the other person could only see it my way, then everything would be okay.’ The problem is that the other person is thinking exactly the same thing which results in arguments. And that explains the lyrics added to the song by John Lennon:

Life is very short, and there’s no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it’s a crime,
So I will ask you once again.

It is true that our perspective needs to be shared and discussed, and we need to have a voice and express our feelings and emotions, but, the key to all persuasion and influence is to understand the other person, to see things through their eyes. Only when you truly understand the other person’s needs, values and priorities is it possible to respond in a way that can bring about change.

However, this article is not about influence and persuasion.

If you want more information on persuasion and influence, read my three separate articles and newsletters:

“Persuasion and influence secrets” (secrets to marketing and selling),

“Secrets to persuasion and influence” (non-verbal communication and how our environment affects us)

“How to win friends” (significance, understanding and trust).

I said at the beginning of this article that you can change your life by changing your perspective.

When you see the world through the other person’s eyes and filters, it changes you because it changes your perspective of him/her and it can often free you of old negative, limiting or painful beliefs.

Karen had suffered from anxiety for most of her life. I explained to her that anxiety is driven by the feeling and belief that life or something specific is out of control as well as the attempt to control something that is actually beyond and out of our control.

I was able to identify that her anxiety had stemmed from a comment her father made when she was young, her father was sick and dying from a terminal illness. In that moment, with the intense emotional experience, Karen took on a fear of dying, a belief that she was responsible for her father’s health and the belief that with willpower anything is possible. When her father died, Karen became angry and resented her father believing at a subconscious level that he had given up and had not used enough willpower to survive.

The belief that willpower is the answer and solution to every problem only served to create more anxiety for Karen as she tried harder and harder to control everything in her life, only to fail, feeling weaker and more helpless than before.

Karen’s problem was simply her belief that her father believed that everything could be solved with willpower. Karen was set free once I helped her, at a subconscious level, to see her father’s perspective – the way willpower had served him – and to see her own perspective – her misunderstanding and misinterpretation of his comments.

Karen’s life was changed when she truly understood her father’s perspective – that some things can be controlled and conquered by willpower while others such as terminal illness cannot.

The point here is that you can dissolve disempowering beliefs and negative emotions (resentment, anger, bitterness, revenge, anxiety and so forth) by changing the way you view and see other people and past events.

Perhaps my story might help.

My father never received love from his mother. She showed little affection, was extremely critical and never changed a diaper in her life – she paid a nanny to change his diapers.) His father died when he was fourteen giving him great responsibilities and burdens. He also experienced many other traumas such as one occasion when his father one day dragged him into their bedroom to witness his mother cheating on his father.

My father grew into an angry abusive man. As a child, I could not understand any of that or the impact his childhood had on him. I grew up subconsciously resentful and angry towards my father and I had a fixed image of him.

I was shocked to learn that he had a different relationship with my two younger brothers (12 and 15 years younger than me.) He was kinder and gentler to them. But the greatest shock and shift occurred when I learned of the effect his death had on one my nieces. Living on the other side of the world for most of my adult life, I never knew that she and my dad had become so close, that he was a caretaker to her, that he listened to her, picked her up from school every day, read to her and was an amazing grandfather to her. I was transformed when I was able to accept that here, my niece, still so young was mourning and grieving the loss of her grandpa, my dad. She had experienced love from him, the man that was so abusive to me and my elder brother. And instead of feeling jealous or resentful of the love she received that I never did, I felt relieved to know and understand and feel that my dad was capable of love, even if it took him years, decades to arrive at that point. Yes, I was relieved and set free knowing that he had expressed love to someone else and that someone else, my niece, so precious and sensitive loved him so much as to be in pain for his death and departure from her life.

By seeing my dad through my niece’s eyes and perspective, my perspective changed and I was able to release a lot of my own pain and trauma. By seeing that my dad was significant to someone else, I could feel a sense of his significance also.

Yes, when you see things another way, his or her way, things can work out, you can work it out and you can be changed and transformed, truly set free.

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist

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