In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the 4 ways you potentially respond to partner’s good news, and why only 1 way helps build the relationship.
First a quick update:
The Breakup Test
Are you heartbroken, angry, lost, lonely, confused, depressed, hung up, or pining over your ex? Do you know how your ex is truly affecting you and do you want to benefit from personalize advice, action steps and revelations? Take my free breakup test and get your own personalized report. http://patrickwanis.com/breakup-test?referral=patrick
The One Cause of Every Breakup
What caused your last breakup? It was either infidelity or incompatibility, and both of these belong to ‘clashing values’. Watch the video
Now, let’s talk about the 4 ways you potentially respond to partner’s good news, and why only 1 way helps build the relationship.
Your partner suddenly announces some great news – a job promotion, a rise, etc.
How do you respond? The way you choose to respond either builds the relationship or progressively (sometimes quickly) destroys it.
There are 4 primary responses to hearing your partner’s good news – and they all relate to something we all subconsciously seek and desire from our partner – validation!
Validation in relationships refers to demonstrating and reinforcing the value, worthiness and significance of your partner. When you choose to invalidate your partner, you are stating that he/she and or his/her achievements are worthless or meaningless. This can be done in numerous ways such as blatantly invalidating the other person or ignoring him/her.
1. Ignore and not validate
Do you ignore and choose to not validate and thus diminish your partner’s good news as well as their future desire to celebrate good news with you?
Perhaps you hear your partner share her good news but you don’t actually share it with her; you make a throw-away comment such as, “That’s nice, honey” but you don’t give her your full attention – your body is turned away or you continue working on the computer, texting or watching TV.
2. Invalidate via mocking
Do you invalidate and thus destroy your partner’s good news and his/her desire to celebrate good news with you?
Do you mock your partner? Do you respond by invalidating your partner’s good news by ridiculing your partner with something like “Yeah, that’s nice. And I got a free cup of coffee today…”
3. Invalidate by demolishing and destroying
Do you demolish and thus destroy your partner’s good news and his/her desire to celebrate good news with you?
Do you start offering all the criticism and possible reasons why this isn’t good news or why it won’t work out?
Perhaps you think your intentions are positive because you believe that you are thinking in practical terms or, perhaps no one ever celebrated your success and instead they would tell you all the reasons why you shouldn’t be happy and celebrating the ‘good news.’ Either way, this response negates the person and his/her good news!
4. Validate and celebrate
Do you validate and celebrate your partner’s good news with him/her?
Do you share and mirror your partner’s joy over the good news? Do you express excitement and reassure your partner that the good news is great? Do you ask more questions to learn more about the good news? Do you offer positive reinforcement? Do you express sincere interest and caring? “That’s fantastic news! Well done! Congratulations! I am so happy for you! Tell me more! Let’s celebrate…”
The way you choose to respond to your partner’s good news either brings you closer and deepens the bond or it creates a chasm between you and your partner and eventually results in contempt for the other partner which finally destroys the relationship.
Here are some tips to help you celebrate your partner’s good news:
Stop whatever else you are doing
Give your full attention to your partner
Turn towards your partner
Be responsive and agreeable
Focus on the moment
Encourage the way/the solution (if the good news offers some practical challenges)
Express genuine interest
Ask questions that are designed to learn more about the good news and which encourage your partner to open up and share more of him/herself
Express joy and excitement for your partner’s win, good news or success
Make plans together to celebrate your partner’s good news; surprise your partner with a celebration
Become aware when you are resisting celebrating your partner’s success because no one ever did that for you; give away what you want
Remember, you might have done five positive things this week, and then one negative response or reaction by failing to celebrate the success can quickly erase all of the positive things you did.
If you need personal help to overcome the past or to celebrate your own successes as well as those of your partner – book a one-on-one session with me.
You can add to the conversation below.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.