In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the secret and key to overcoming sadness in 5 steps.
First a quick update:
The Breakup Test
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Do You Argue For Hours & Get Sucked Into The Drama?
Has this ever happened to you? You get into an argument with a friend or your partner, and the argument continues for hours, and you just can’t seem to control it. Watch the video for my suggested solution
Now, let’s talk about the secret and key to overcoming sadness in 5 steps.
Sadness is one of the most common experiences in life.
No matter who you are, something will occur in life that will bring about sadness.
I teach that sadness is triggered by a sense of loss – having lost something you already had or something you thought you were going to have.
Accordingly, when a client says to me “I’m feeling sad”, I ask ‘What is it that you feel you have lost?’ The loss can be a relationship, a job, health, possessions, an opportunity or even connection to other people.
If you choose to do nothing about sadness, then it can easily transform or bring about helplessness, hopelessness, fatigue, futility, and depression.
There is really only one way to overcome sadness. Many therapists will encourage you to do things such as cry, or distract yourself or focus on doing the things that make you happy. However, the real solution to overcoming sadness is simply acceptance. Of course, there is a process to grieving. However, specifically with regards to sadness, acceptance is the antidote.
Acceptance refers to first accepting the emotion – allowing yourself to feel the sadness versus being resistant to the sadness, avoiding the sadness, trying to distract yourself from the sadness or denying the sadness.
You can never run away from what you truly feel. You can deny it, try to suppress it or repress it, but it will eventually come forth and affect the way you function in life and the way you relate to others, and it will manifest as illness in your body. For example, people who experience sadness often have a problem sleeping or tend to feel very tired, weak, fatigued, nauseous, experiencing headaches, lack of appetite or a struggle to wake up and get out of bed (oversleeping.) The emotion of sadness affects the functioning of the body – it affects the endocrine system.
Step 1: Accept that you are feeling sad. Validate the emotion and beware of denial or numbness: “I feel fine. There’s nothing wrong.” Numbness or shock can also be a defensive response designed to protect you from facing the intensity of the emotion or the perceived consequences of the actual loss that resulted in the sadness.
I teach: You are allowed to feel whatever you feel.
It is okay to cry. Crying releases endorphins, a natural “feel-good” chemical in your body. However, beware of bouts of crying which only serve to perpetuate or are driven by the sense of deep loss, or the feelings of helplessness, futility and hopelessness.
Step 2: Accept that you feel or believe that you have lost something meaningful and significant to you. Beware of denying the actual loss or ignoring its meaning. Get clear about what it is that you feel you have lost.
Step 3: Accept help and support from other people. Accept the comfort and the encouragement from other people. Allow people to listen to you. You will need that help and support so that you will be able to cope with the sadness and to offer practical or logistical help for the challenges that have now arisen.
“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”
– Khalil Gibran
Step 4: Accept what has happened. There’s nothing in life that goes exactly the way we want it, and not forever. Nothing is truly permanent – relationships, health, jobs, material possessions, all change and can disappear or be lost. Even if you and your partner are together, happily married for 50 years, there will still be illness, suffering and one of you will pass first, leaving the other alone. So, yes, things will occur that will result in the feeling of loss and thus sadness. These are the things that are beyond your control. These are the things that you must accept – the things that are beyond your control.
“There are seldom, if ever, any hopeless situations, but there are many people who lose hope in the face of some situations.”
– Zig Ziglar.
Step 5: Accept that life isn’t over and that there is still room and time to create joy and new adventures. Focus on what you want to create next. Focus on what brings you joy – continue living your passion. Revive hope!
“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.”
– Helen Keller
I work with many clients who have experienced trauma, abuse, neglect, abandonment or some other hurt, rejection or disappointment (often in childhood) and unknowingly they are also still carrying around sadness years and decades later. I use a special process to help heal and resolve those past painful events and to finally release the sadness using my therapy technique SRTT Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique.
If you need personal help to overcome sadness, book a one-on-one session with me.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.