Tiger Woods – the apology & The Fame Factor

Tiger Woods - the apology & The Fame Factor

Tiger Woods – the apology & The Fame Factor

The following is an expanded  transcript of Russ Morley, host of 850 WFTL radio interviewing Celebrity Life Coach and Human Behavior Expert, Patrick Wanis Ph.D. about Tiger Woods televised apology and The Fame Factor.

Click here to read the first interview Patrick Wanis gave to Russ Morley Dec. 11, 2009: Tiger Woods – a sex addict? https://patrickwanis.com/blog/tiger-woods-a-sex-addict/

Click here to read Patrick Wanis’ Success Newsletter: Lessons from Tiger Woods: https://patrickwanis.com/blog/lessons-from-tiger-woods/

Click here to read the interview Patrick Wanis gave to Russ Morley Dec. 22, 2009: Tiger Woods – a God complex or an inferiority complex? https://patrickwanis.com/blog/tiger-woods-god-complex-or-inferiority-complex/

Click here to read the interview Patrick Wanis gave to Russ Morley January 16, 2010: Tiger Woods in sex rehab and claims that his wife Elin is taking him back. https://patrickwanis.com/blog/tiger-woods-wife-takes-him-back/ 

Click here to read the transcript of the press conference and apology speech by Tiger Woods; https://patrickwanis.com/blog/tiger-woods-public-apology-transcript/ 

Tiger Woods: I want to say to each of you, simply and directly; I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior I engaged in.

I know people want to find out how I could be so selfish and so foolish.  People want to know how I could have done these things to my wife, Elin, and to my children.

And while I have always tried to be a private person, there are some things I want to say.  Elin and I have started the process of discussing the damaged caused by my behavior.  As Elin pointed out to me, my real apology to her will not come in the form of words.  It will come from my behavior over time.

Russ Morley: So, I got to say it.  I got a little moist, well, a little bit, this left eye over here, right—right in the corner, just a little –ah, maybe it was just something in my eye.  I’m not really sure.

Joining us this morning is Doctor Patrick Wanis, Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior Expert.

Doctor Wanis, sincere – I mean he got to me.  He – he got me right here, sir.

Patrick Wanis: Yeah, I heard you.  You said that you got moist.

Russ Morley: Just a little bit.  A little tear formed over there.

Patrick Wanis: All right.

Russ Morley:  Did you buy the sincerity?

Patrick Wanis: Yeah, I think he was sincere.  I don’t think he wanted to apologize, but I think his apology was sincere.  Meaning, I think he’s truly sorry, but he felt probably resentful that he had to do it publicly and then he had to say it.  I think he was sorry first for what he did to his wife and family. There is a part of him that didn’t want to do the whole public apology. In early December, Tiger Woods posted on his website these words: “Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn’t have to mean public confessions.” So obviously, he would not have wanted to make this apology.

Russ Morley: Well, it was something, you know, Jeff and I’ve been talking about this: Jeff didn’t think it was necessary.  I think It was he had to do it at least once and get it out of the way.  But the question is, is he truly sorry for what the damage he’s done to his wife and his family or he’s just sorry he got caught.

Patrick Wanis: No, I think he’s truly sorry, and he’s obviously sorry he got caught.  I went back and read the transcript.  And if you’ll read the transcript, it’s not that he’s just saying, “Look, I’m accountable and I’m responsible,” which, you know, is a typical, sort of, Kobe Bryant response.

He went a lot further; he admitted that his real problem is, what I said right from the beginning and it’s not sex addiction, incidentally.  He said, look, I became narcissistic.  I became selfish.  I became entitled.  I thought the world owes me.  I thought because I’m rich and powerful and famous and I’ve worked hard.  He did use those words:  That I can do whatever I want, that I can have it, and then he did add that money and power and fame made it easier for him to get it.

So, he was saying, Look, I know why this happened.  It’s not that I’m not a sex addict.  I understand what happened.  I lost my core values.  I lost my sense of direction, and then he brings in his faith, but he doesn’t say, “Oh, suddenly, I found Jesus and God, and they will forgive me” which is the usual cop-out by many wrongdoers with the intention to win over the public.

And he admits that he stopped practicing his faith – Buddhism (which is something I mentioned to you Russ the very first time the news broke out about Tiger Woods’ infidelities.) Tiger said that he lost his way and lost sight of  the teachings of his faith when he said I understand from what I believe in that nothing outside of me will truly make me happy and I lost that, and I thought that, you know, if I engage in all these things outside, they’ll make me happy.  He’s also saying, “Look, I lost my wife.”  That’s very rare for any celebrity to say because most celebrities would just say “I’m sorry.  I let you down.”  “I’m going to do better.” “I’m an addict.”  “I’ve got a problem.” “I’m getting help.”

I mean, look at Steve Phillips of ESPN.  He got on one of the morning TV shows and he cried sex addiction, and all he did was have one affair with a 23-year-old girl.

Russ Morley: Well, explain something to me, if – if you say to me he’s admitted to being a narcissist and living an entitled life, why is he going to a sex addiction clinic?

Patrick Wanis: Oh, I think that he was probably pushed into that by all the people around him who want to keep making money off him.

When this happens, he’s probably going to turn to lots of different people, but the people around him are going to start screaming at him, and saying “You’ve got to do this.  You’ve got to do this.  You’ve got to do this.” They want to protect his image. And at that moment, with all of the public outcry and the emotional barrage that Tiger Woods felt because of the world’s reaction, he probably didn’t also know exactly what to do.  And he was probably convinced by his agent, by his manager, his publicity machine and by all the people around him to say “Look, you need help, you need to get to therapy, and you’re an addict,” and then he goes and does it.

Now, I’m sure that when he went to that clinic, at some point, he realized, “Oh, all that really happened was I lost my core values, I became narcissistic, I became entitled, and I suffered from delusions of grandeur and denial, and I let down my wife, and I let down the world.”  Now, maybe he needed to do that.

Also, he probably has does have other issues, too.  I don’t think it’s one hundred percent due to what I call, The Fame Factor.  I think that he may also have other issues which could relate to emotional intimacy.

Russ Morley: Well, Doctor Wanis, if this wasn’t him having an affair, if this wasn’t a, you know, just I’m on the Appalachian trails, I mean, South America having an affair.  I mean, this was over and over and over again.  This is repeated activity.  This is 60,000 dollars a weekend for hookers, for goodness’ sake.  Now, that’s a little bit more than just having, I think an entitled attitude.  I mean, that’s total disregard for your status, your position in life.

Patrick Wanis: Yeah, you’re right.  And I truly think he admitted to that, but I think you’ll also find that, again, if he were a basketball player, a footballer or any other kind of athlete or a rock star, we may not be so surprised.  We’ve had other athletes who’ve had multiple affairs.  The other thing is his actions support what I call the Fame Factor – narcissism, denial, delusions of grandeur, entitlement and of course, power. You mentioned large amounts of money being paid to hookers. The ability to pay such large amounts of money is about power, entitlement and delusions of grandeur. Rod Stewart who has partied in Miami has been known to tip a waitress in a nightclub $1,000.00. And that’s not because she did anything sexual, it was purely about ego and showing off to others – competing with other celebrities and trying to impress others. The very action of spending large amounts of money is about displaying power, grandeur and ego – in the same way that a male peacock flares out its feathers when it is trying to get the females attention – when it is trying to boast its prowess, power and sexuality. That’s what Tiger Woods was doing when he was spending $60,000 on hookers; that’s what celebrities and other rich people do when they spend gargantuan amounts of money on stuff!

The third point is that I haven’t really looked at this point yet; what was the timeline of these affairs with 14 women? Over what time period was it? I don’t know.

Russ Morley: Yeah.

Patrick Wanis: Now, here’s the other thing I want to add that everyone listening can think about.  Do you truly think that the people around him didn’t know about this, his multiple affairs; that he was doing this secretly and suddenly it only happened because of one woman coming out?  No.  Everyone around him knew he was doing this “for a long time” but they all shut up because they wanted to do what the entourage did to Michael Jackson.  They wanted to keep feeding off him like a parasite; so they keep it quiet because they don’t want to rock the boat because they want to keep making their money.

Russ Morley: Well, he’s not Dennis Rodman.  I mean, we didn’t – that would not surprise anybody, with a character like that.  But, I mean, this is Tiger Woods.  This is a guy that aspires to be one of the upstanding individuals–It’s me, my wife, my family.  That was the whole thing.  We’ll pick that up on the other side here.

And the Dalai Lama, a prominent figure in the Buddhist religion, of which Tiger says he belongs, is in South Florida today and tomorrow.  What would the Dalai Lama say?  We’ll ask doctor Patrick Wanis, coming up next.

07:50 at News Talk 850 WFPL.  We’re 68 right now, traffic on the way.

[Begin sound clip]

Jaimee Grubbs:  I mean, I have no words to explain, you know, what I have done to her family.  I guess I would deep, deeply sorry for her never considering her during the whole process.

[End sound clip]

Russ Morley: That’s one of the dalliances there, Jaimee Grubbs, apologizing to Elin for her getting involved with Tiger.

Celebrity Life Coach and Human Behavior Expert Doctor Patrick Wanis is with us this morning.

Everybody is sorry, like they didn’t know he was married, and it wasn’t him throwing out the “I Love You” quite frequently with his little, you know, tarts.

Patrick Wanis: Well, first key point: not every woman is sorry.  But thank God that there was one that actually was accountable and responsible and said, “Yeah, I realized that I also betrayed his wife.”  And yes, you know, it’s true.  You’re right.  Tiger Woods did actually say to “I love you” to some of these mistresses; I think there was one that he was talking about that he was in love.

So, that’s just another element, another element that makes this very confusing about what was going on in his marriage with Elin.  Does he have emotional intimacy issues?  Why did he find love in someone that’s unavailable and something that couldn’t really happen?  And when I say “unavailable,” meaning that he wasn’t really going to leave his wife and be with her.  And that’s why where his other issues come in.

Russ Morley: He brought up his religion in his apology as well; Buddhism, the Dalai Lama, in town today and tomorrow, at Nova today and at Fort Atlantic University tomorrow.  How does Buddhism play into the apology there and what does Buddhism teach you about something like this?

Patrick Wanis: Well, first, the Dalai Lama said he’s never head of Tiger Woods, which I think is great because what he’s saying is, “Hey, there are more important things in life.”  Second, he said that the key issue here is self-discipline: “Self-discipline with awareness of consequences.” The Dalai Lama said this is something that every religion teaches—self-discipline—and that’s something that I’ve talked about on your program so many times before, about Tiger Woods.

The third question you ask is “What does it teach?”  One of the key tenets of Buddhism is that human suffering is created by the human mind, due to the sense of attachment, greed and desire.

That means when we become attached to something, whether it’s a car or a person or a job, or when we become greedy and nothing is ever enough, as in the case of what happened with Tiger Woods, and number three, when our desire overtakes us and we just want more and more.

And guess what?  This is what happened to Tiger Woods.  His attachment to money and power, his greed for more and more power and then, finally, his desire for same thing—for money, power, sex, attention, and I guess, even some form of intimacy.

[And Buddhism has five precepts, that are training rules in order to live a better life in which one is happy, without worries, and can meditate well:

To refrain from taking life (non-violence towards sentient life forms)

To refrain from taking that which is not given (not committing theft)

To refrain from sensual (including sexual) misconduct

To refrain from lying (speaking truth always)

To refrain from intoxicants which lead to loss of mindfulness (specifically, drugs and alcohol) ]

Russ Morley: Absolutely.  Doctor Patrick Wanis, this morning, by the way, this guy is good.  You want to get more on him go to patrickwanis.com.  You spell that last name Wanis, patrickwanis.com.  It’s always great to have you on search.

07:58 News Talk 850 WFPL.

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6 replies
  1. Avatar
    Denise Swanson says:

    Re: Sandra Bullock your commentary.

    My, my, my….aren’t we the blanket assessor. I’m sorry…. I missed it. You know….the part about we women who want to and think we can change or mold a man. Especially since we have the ability to create and raise them…. but that is an entirely different conversation. However, before you continue to give the “slapping of the hand” reprimand with a little dash of “you girls should now know better” …consider this: It is a consistantly more overt character trait in men than women to: 1. control, 2. deceive, and 3. enjoy getting away with something. Even your best military leaders ‘get off” on creative the plan of deception to capture the enemy. That is the ultimate high-fiver with males. I will not dare though, to bash men….I just want to tap you on your shoulder about the fact that Jesse James clearly represented himself as “a reasonable partner” when in fact he was not anything of what he presented to her ( or many others) from the beginning. I guess without the ‘ultimate background check’ ( which maybe a woman of her means and accomplishment should have considered doing) it obviously never occurred to her that she was potentially a mother needing to distinguish a ‘man from a boy’ and that she was nurturing an underdeveloped being. He comfortably fed her an image to give her no doubt that he was an honorable human being. A premeditated action with the underlying thought process of “half of the fun is getting away with it”. Let’s not forget that it has not been addressed publicly that friends warned her….. that this was a potential ‘bad choice’ of investment, for not ‘all’ extreme image people are mentally cruel deviates. They simply have chosen a different path of expression, not a demonic path. I think she chose to to critique his exterior as ‘self commitment’ but he, in fact, chose to consistantly feed her false information, not reveal his past, and in a preditory manner latch onto someone who would buy it….but she certainly does not deserve to be imaged as someone who deserves this ‘life lesson’ as you dare to call it. I have read only a few or your articles in the past, and it is clear that you exhibit a definite ‘man assertion’ problem. Maybe you need to consider getting a level of counseling for yourself. Are you Patrick, really the person, writer, editor etc. that you portray yourself to be on paper? Or are you someone else and we stupid women can’t see it right now because we so needingly want to nurture and develop a man who is really a boy?

    • Avatar
      Patrick Wanis says:

      Dear Denise,

      thank you for being open. I agree with you on most of all of your points and I would like to clarify what I said in my Newsletter. First, though in response to your opening sentences about women trying to change men, please read my Success Newsletter: Why don’t you change? https://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/why-dont-you-change/2008/10/29/

      You said “It is a consistantly more overt character trait in men than women to: 1. control, 2. deceive, and 3. enjoy getting away with something.” I have not seen any studies or statistics to support your contention but you might be speaking out of personal experience. If you read the various blog entries in my “Dealing with emotional vampires” Newsletter, https://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/dealing-with-emotional-vampires/2009/06/10/ then you will see that what you are referring to are the qualities that I don’t personally believe are gender specific but rather pertain to personal issues and programming. Interestingly, though, almost all of the blog entries are women complaining about their mothers behaving like Emotional Vampires. I make no conclusions or deductions about that phenomenon.

      With regards to military men and wars, you are right. Older men lead young boys into war. It has often been argued that if women were rulers, we would have less wars. The only challenge to that contention is that former UK Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher was a powerful leader who also led and won wars. And she ruled with an iron-fist.

      You said “Jesse James clearly represented himself as “a reasonable partner” when in fact he was not anything of what he presented to her ( or many others) from the beginning.” Of course, you are right and that is why I said that he deceived her. Read the blog entry here from Kim and you will hear of her experience with deceit. And yes, I am sure he fooled her with various words, actions and images but that is my very point. You have to take into account his past and see if he has really changed before entering into a marriage. So again, Sandra made a mistake. That doesn’t mean she is bad, nor does it mean that she doesn’t deserve compassion and sympathy. Of course she does. But the entire point of my Newsletter is for all of us to learn from her mistakes. Do you think she will be more careful in the future? Of course, she will.

      I am not sure what you mean when you say that I “exhibit a definite ‘man assertion’ problem.” The whole message of my Newsletter is to empower women – so I am helping women to assert themselves and to be careful not to be betrayed. And incidentally, if you are claiming that I am biased, then please read my Newsletter “Angry nagging men” https://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2010/03/03/angry-nagging-men/

      Also, read any of my Newsletters about Tiger Woods.

      Denise, nowhere in your response did you address the three lessons I proposed:

      1. Do not fall in love with a man’s potential and do not waste your time trying to change him – because men resist change.
      2. Both men and women need to ensure when entering into a relationship that their morals, core values and principals are in alignment
      3. Responsibility for one’s actions is not a cry of addiction i.e. I am saying that Jesse James is not being a real man because instead of admitting why he really engaged in this behavior of deceit, betrayal and infidelity, he attempted to escape judgement by using a false excuse of “I am a sex addict.”

      Thus, I do not see how you think I am singling out women or attacking women.

      I am somewhat amused and perplexed by your closing sentences:

      “Are you Patrick, really the person, writer, editor etc. that you portray yourself to be on paper? Or are you someone else and we stupid women can’t see it right now because we so needingly want to nurture and develop a man who is really a boy?”

      First, I didn’t realize that you and other women are trying to nurture and develop me. How are you doing that?
      Second, I am everything I write and portray: Many times I admit my weaknesses and failings. I even use them as examples for other people to learn from.

      Finally, let’s talk about you. Are you angry at men? And if so, why?
      Did a man deceive and betray you? Did a man try to control, manipulate you or try to get away with something?

      In conclusion, I admit that because I did not clearly write more sympathy and compassion towards Sandra, I can therefore understand why you might be thinking that I am simply ‘slapping her on the wrists.” I do wonder though, why do we the public express so much more sympathy towards Sandra than we do towards Tiger Wood’s wife Elin – who has two young children to Tiger Woods? We show more sympathy towards Sandra Bullock because we feel we know her via her films and we feel that she is a sweetheart whereas we do not know Elin and Elin was a model but Sandra is the girl-next door. But both women were wronged and betrayed and both deserve compassion.

      All the best,
      Patrick

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