You Bring Out The Worst In Each Other – The One Big Lesson From Johnny Depp & Amber Heard

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to like to reveal the one big lesson from Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s relationship: They bring out the worst in each other.

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Depp & Heard: You Bring Out The Worst In Each Other

Have you noticed the ways you change around certain people?

When you are with one person you feel angry; with another you feel joyful and confident; with another you feel alive, and with another you feel insecure and shut down.

You are still you. What is the difference?

Each person brings out something different in you.

For some, it is a case of, “You bring out the worst in each other!”

This is the lesson from Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s failed marriage.

They bring out the worst in each other!

They brought out in each other the pain, rage and unresolved issues.

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard were married for 4 years, divorcing in 2017.

In 2018, Depp sued UK News Group Newspapers over an article calling him a “wife beater.” Depp lost the suit: The judge ruled that the newspaper presented sufficient evidence of Depp’s violent behavior toward Heard on 14 occasions – evidence including photos, audio recordings and Depp’s own text messages.

Depp fans were angry; they refused to believe that Depp could be abusive; they labelled Heard as evil and a liar.

Now Depp is suing Amber Heard in the US, for defamation for an op-ed article she wrote in 2018 about surviving domestic violence – even though she never named Depp.

Regardless of the final ruling, the one big lesson so far is the testimony and evidence which is being presented revealing that Depp and Heard brought out the very worst in each other.

Depp & Heard Bring Out The Worst In Each Other With “Mutual Abuse”

Their former marriage counselor, Dr. Laurel Anderson said Depp and Heard engaged in “mutual abuse” during their 4-year-marriage.

In her deposition, Dr. Anderson was asked, ‘Was there violence from Mr. Depp toward Amber?’

“Yes, you’re right. He had been well controlled, I think, for almost, I don’t know, 20, 30 years. Both were victims of abuse in their homes, but I thought he had been well controlled for decades. And then with Ms. Heard he was triggered, and they engaged in what I saw as mutual abuse… Depp told me Heard gave as good as she got.”

Heard showed Dr. Anderson bruises, both in photos and in person.

Heard also “would strike him to keep him there” – to prevent him from leaving.

Stop, and think about this: For more than 2 decades, Depp did not get violent or abuse any of his former girlfriends.

So, what happened with Amber Heard and Johnny Depp?

They brought out the darkest, worst parts of each other! They triggered the pain, anger, bitterness, rage, and unresolved issues in each other.

Winona Ryder, Depp’s former fiancé of 4 years said Depp was “an incredibly loving man” who was never violent towards her, and she felt “so very, very safe with [him.]” Ryder said she found Amber Heard’s accusations against Depp “impossible to believe.”

Ryder was shocked by the allegations because she did not bring out the worst in Depp, so she never saw or experienced any abuse by him.

For decades, I have been encouraging clients to face the truth – if you have pain from the past, it needs to be healed; if you are with someone who triggers that pain, heal the pain; when you realize that you are ‘living with your mother/father’ then heal that childhood trauma; if you are with someone who brings out the worst in you and vice-versa, then get out of the toxic, destructive relationship; women stop trying to change, rescue or heal the man.

With drugs and alcohol, you will also bring out the worst in each other

By his own admission, Depp has been struggling for decades with drugs and alcohol. In February 2014, Christi Dembrowski (Depp’s sister) texted him: “Stop drinking, stop coke, stop pills.” Depp also hired a doctor to provide 24/7 private treatment for his addiction to alcohol, opioids, benzodiazepines, and cocaine.

Of course, drugs change your brain; they change your mental and emotional state; they bring out the worst in you. Depp has been violent and out of control under the influence of drugs.

But Depp had turned to drugs to escape his own pain over his troubled childhood: The verbal and physical abuse he and his siblings experienced by their mother, and the complications of stardom and being a celebrity. (Depp says his fame from Pirates of The Caribbean destroyed his privacy and way of life.)

Depp was reliving the issues from his childhood with Amber Heard.

“You slowly realize you’re in a relationship with your mother, in a sense”
– Johnny Depp testifying in the defamation lawsuit, comparing the abuse he says he experienced by his mother to Heard’s alleged abuse.

“I wanted to try to make it work…Ms. Heard had spoken of suicide on a couple of occasions, so that also becomes a factor, that’s something that lives in the back of your brain.”

The threat of suicide is a tactic abusers use to control the other person

“[At first], she was attentive, she was loving, she was smart, she was kind, she was funny, she was understanding. We had many things in common.”

During their marriage, Depp repeatedly called Heard a “c**t” and once texted a friend that he hoped her “rotting corpse was decomposing in the fu*king trunk of a Honda Civic.”

While the court trial continues, Depp and Heard’s relationship points to the fact that you cannot run away from your unresolved issues and pain. And if you get together with someone who triggers your worst, and then you add drugs to the relationship, you will destroy your life – even if the drugs and alcohol are in response to the pain of the relationship and stardom.

“I said, ‘Amber, this can’t continue. You guys are either going to kill each other or wind up in jail.’ And with tears and everything, she said, ‘But I love him and I’m not going to lose him.'”

– Johnny Depp’s bodyguard Sean Bett

For decades, I have been encouraging my clients to face the truth – if you have pain from the past, it needs to be healed; if you are with someone who triggers that pain, heal the pain; when you realize that you are ‘living with your mother/father’ then heal that childhood trauma; if you are with someone who brings out the worst in you and vice-versa, then get out of the toxic, destructive relationship; women stop trying to change, rescue or heal the man.

Final word: get out of any relationship where you bring out the worst in each other. Look for someone where you bring out the best in each other!

If you are or have been in an unhealthy relationship or marriage or if you have experienced abuse or trauma, you can resolve it rapidly and easily, and be set free of the pain with my SRTT process. Book a one-on-one session with me.

You can add to the conversation below.

I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.

Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist