In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the one question and the one tip that can help boost your relationship in the New Year.
First a quick update:
“6 Steps to breaking bad habits”
Read my article and master the simple 6 steps to easily and quickly break your bad habits now, click here to read.
“Flirting tips for college students”
Read my quotes in the online article “How Girls Flirt: Our Tips & Tricks” at HerCampus.com (for female college students).
Now, let’s talk about the one question and the one tip that can help boost your relationship in the New Year.
With the start of each New Year, we search for ways to improve upon the last and we set out to create new beginnings, hopeful that we can make positive changes.
The most critical element to success in almost every area of your life is relationships – romantic, personal, social and business.
The quality and success of each of your relationships will directly determine your results as well as much of your personal satisfaction and inner peace. For example, a poor relationship with a spouse, sibling, parent or even a child will affect your mental and emotional health as well as affect the way you perform in business and the way you respond to colleagues. (If you question the validity of this statement, talk with men and women who have experienced a divorce so that you can fully understand the ramifications of a divorce upon one’s physical mental, emotional and financial health.)
The quality of your business relationships will also determine whether or not your business grows or shrinks.
We often take relationships for granted (i.e. we take the other person for granted) and we fool ourselves into believing that no effort or thought is required to create a happy, meaningful and fulfilling relationship. When we take someone for granted, we are then not thinking about their needs or desires and it becomes easy for us to view the relationship as a source for us to take or draw from rather than something dynamic and fluid where we give and receive
The key to all persuasion and influence is to understand the other person.
Accordingly, rather than guessing or making false assumptions, the best way to improve any relationship is to simply ask what is needed.
usinesses and corporations will spend hundreds of thousands of dollars surveying their customers to determine the customer’s needs and satisfaction, and then, will adjust their brand and strategy according to the customer’s needs.
Rarely, though, do we ever do the same thing in personal relationships, and because no questions are being asked, eventually, one of the partners in the relationship will either be complaining or will eventually explode from frustration, anger, disappointment and unhappiness.
The solution is to ask this simple question of your partner (sibling, spouse, child, parent and even best friend):
What is the one thing I can do that would make our relationship even better?
Notice that the question is focused on a solution and a result.
But do not ask the question if you are not truly willing to listen with an open heart and if you are not truly willing to respond accordingly by taking action. You might not like immediately what you hear. Of course, if you are not willing to listen or take action, then your relationship will stagnate or will eventually and quickly deteriorate.
Also, ask your partner to be clear when answering that question. For example, “I want you to be more loving” is a meaningless statement unless the person answering the question is able to clearly define “loving” and how he/she will know when he/she is being loved. In other words, the answer to the question “What is the one thing I can do that would make our relationship even better?” must be measurable, tangible or actionable. For example, if one says “You could be more patient”, that person must define “more patient” – i.e. talk less, judge less, allow him/her to make mistakes, be less critical, be more accepting, speak in a softer voice, lower expectations of perfection or high performance, and so forth.
As well as asking the above question, there is also one action that each person can take in every relationship, and which will quickly and automatically transform and boost the relationship:
Express more appreciation.
Appreciation refers to recognizing the value of someone – their contribution and significance. Appreciation involves expressing gratitude and saying thanks. Expressing and demonstrating sincere appreciation to your partner (spouse, sibling, parent, child, business colleague, team member, etc) leads the recipient to feel significant, wanted, valued and respected.
And while we all need to feel appreciated and acknowledged, men need it even more than women do. Read my article “Do men want sex, power or appreciation?” Women, on the other hand, want to also feel noticed, loved and adored; the feeling of being emotionally invisible drives women to seek to meet those needs outside of the relationship. And one of the greatest complaints by men in relationships is that the woman does not appreciate or respect him, and in turn, men often seek to have that need met elsewhere, outside the relationship. Women have extraordinary power over men – more than men will openly admit – and women can deepen and strengthen their relationship by appreciating their partner, and by expressing belief in their partner.
Finally, with another New Year, beware of ego, false pride, fear and insecurity which can prevent one from taking the initiative to express love and appreciation. Don’t wait until it is too late – act now!
Also, read these articles: “Being appreciated equals being valued” and “Expressing appreciation leads to power and significance”
You can post your comment on this newsletter below.
If this newsletter was forwarded to you and would like to receive all of my newsletters please enter your email address on the home page.
I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.