In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the 14 steps to get out now from a toxic relationship or marriage.
First a quick update:
The Breakup Test
Are you heartbroken, angry, lost, lonely, confused, depressed, hung up, or pining over your ex? Do you know how your ex is truly affecting you and do you want to benefit from personalize advice, action steps and revelations? Take my free breakup test and get your own personalized report.
The Top 10 Celebrity Meltdowns of 2017
It’s the eleventh annual list of bad behavior, stupidity, temper tantrums, emotional breakdowns, public outbursts, infidelity, drunken binges…and more. Can you guess who had the number 1 celebrity meltdown of 2017?
Now, let’s talk about the 14 steps to get out now from a toxic relationship or marriage.
1. Admit that this is a toxic relationship
Criticism, contempt, condemnation, stonewalling, silent treatment, defensiveness, manipulation, control and/or any form of abuse – mental, emotional, physical form a toxic relationship. Become really aware of how you feel in the presence of this person – do you expand or shrink and feel afraid? What symptoms do you actually feel in your body?
2. Accept that “love” isn’t enough
This is where so many people get trapped and enchained in toxic and abusive relationships – they believe that the words and feelings of ‘love’ will automatically heal the relationship and end the abuse.
Saying that you love him/her and that he/she loves you isn’t enough to have a loving, fulfilling, rewarding relationship; it isn’t enough if he/she says that he/she loves you but is actually abusive or toxic; the toxicity always wins out over the constant professions of love. In other words, the toxicity will destroy you.
3. You can’t change him or her
Stop hoping and waiting for him or her to fulfill the many failed promises to change!
4. Stop allowing him or her to Gaslight you
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where the other person tries to manipulate you into doubting your perceptions and memories and tries to convince you that you are insane. Begin now to value your own words thoughts and feelings over the thoughts feelings and words of your partner who is toxic for you.
5. Stop believing his promises and begging
This is particularly true if he or she is suffering from some form of addiction or alcoholism or engaging in other drugs.
6. Stop sacrificing your life for the other person
You thought it would create a better and happier marriage or relationship if you sacrifice your life for him/her; it doesn’t. If you are continually drawn to or controlled by him, then seek professional help.
7. Stop denying the truth – it’s over
If the relationship is toxic, face the truth of the situation and admit to yourself it is over; you are not a failure even if the relationship failed. You will most likely need help to deal with feelings of shame and failure.
8. Get clear about what you want and what you want for your life
Can you choose yourself over the other person? Yes there are times to be selfish although you are not being selfish because you are not doing this to hurt the other person; you are simply putting yourself first, and yes there are times to do that in life. What is your vision for the relationship you want and deserve?
9. You will be OK
No matter what you think or feel right now, please understand that you will be okay. You will survive and you will get better and you will find a better relationship and you will find inner peace by escaping the toxic relationship and engaging in the healing process.
10. Ask for help and support from your friends and family
You need to establish a support system; ask for help. Surround yourself with positive, helpful, supportive and encouraging friends.
11. Beware of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Does your partner exhibit a split personality – he is so sweet, loving and charming, and, then other times he is so abusive? Again, refer to step number 2 above – Love isn’t enough.
12. Take control of your life
Who has been in control of your life thus far? Stop being the victim; stop allowing someone else to control you. Take back your life.
13. Accept that it is healthier for the children to see you happy
Are you staying in the relationship or marriage and accepting the abuse and toxicity for the sake of the children? It is harmful for them to witness, see, experience or feel the toxicity. They will either learn that abuse is the way that relationships are or they will learn that abuse is wrong. Which example will you show them? It is healthier for the children to see you happy than suffering in an abusive or toxic relationship.
14. Accept that it will hurt at first to get out of the toxicity
Humbly and openly accept that you will feel some hurt and some pain until you get through and out of this relationship. You will experience feelings of loneliness, confusion, grief and loss until you move through the healing process and reclaim yourself and your life!
If you need personal help to gain the courage, confidence and strength to take action, and get out of a toxic relationship and close an old door to open a new one – book a one-on-one session with me.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.