In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the 5 signs that identify and define a healthy relationship.
First a quick update:
“One year to live – What do you do?”
Polls reveal that most people would travel and spend time with family. Emotional Mojo TV show hosts Michelle Yarn, Jada Jackson, Tara Gidus and I welcome Clint Arthur, author of Last Year of Your Life.” Clint transformed every area of your life, after a Shaman told him one night at a retreat “You’re already dead – you don’t know it.” Clint offers advice and suggestion about how to set goals and values and live your life as if it is your last year before you die – living without of fear. Watch the TV interview here.
Now, let’s talk about the 5 signs that identify and define a healthy relationship.
“I have learned that you can go anywhere you want to go and do anything you want to do and buy all the things that you want to buy and meet all the people that you want to meet and learn all the things that you desire to learn and if you do all these things but are not madly in love: you have still not begun to live.” – C. JoyBell C.
Helen is a successful businesswoman, age 32. She’s been struggling in her relationships – often criticized, judged, replete with arguments and feelings of being unloved. One day she blurted out in frustration “I don’t know what a healthy relationship is.”
‘Of course, you don’t, because you never had a good example offered by your parents’ I replied.
Most of us can quickly define an unhealthy, toxic or abusive relationship once we have sufficiently experienced it such that we are able to identify it as a tremendous and recurring source of pain. But few of us can move from that experience to being able to easily define and identify a healthy relationship.
Here are 5 ways to identify a healthy relationship:
1. Freedom of self-expression
Almost everyone will say “I want a partner who will accept me as I am.” That acceptance (spoken, unspoken, conscious or subconscious) results in you expressing yourself freely. Put another way: Do you feel that you can easily and freely be yourself in this relationship? Can you express yourself with words, dress, actions, emotions and thoughts?
Most of us live life hiding behind masks and playing roles. Jane was 38 when she realized that for her entire marriage (and relationships prior) she had spent all of her energy trying to be what she thought her husband wanted her to be. She never knew what it meant to be authentic. And he, obviously wasn’t able to love the real Jane because she had never revealed the real Jane.
Do you know what your essence is? Do you know what your core is? Can you identify and list your values, motivations, passions, fears and insecurities?
Now, in this relationship, do you feel that you are free and that he/she openly welcomes you being authentic, expressing your core essence, without trying to be something that you are not?
3. Affinity & comfort
It’s easy and natural to become excited when there are fun or adventurous events on the schedule and calendar. And when you engage in fun activities with your partner, you deepen the bond. Your affinity – the level of comfort with each other also allows you to spend time together without feeling pressured to have to constantly be doing something.
The same applies to the ratio of talk to silence.
Do you feel you can be silent and yet comfortable with your partner?
Few families experience this: everyone is sitting in the same room but each member is engaging in different activities – reading, listening to music or just relaxing on the sofa. They can occupy the space and feel comfortable with each other, knowing that each one is present but doing their own thing.
In other words, can you appreciate your partner’s company even if you are simply next to each other but not engaged in a high-energy activity?
4. Speaking your truth
When we finally find someone whom we can trust and with whom we feel safe, we also begin to feel loved and accepted. That then opens the door and the inspiration and desire to share our deepest darkest secrets as well as our goals, dreams and visions for life.
Feeling safe and accepted also encourages us to speak our truth about everything we feel, believe and have experienced. Ultimately, it creates the space where we want to shout our love and deepest feelings for our partner.
Accordingly, do you find yourself free and safe and wanting to tell your partner everything that you have always wanted to tell and share?
5. Real love
What is real love? This is the question that has been tackled through the ages by poets, authors, sages, philosophers and modern day therapists and psychologists.
While there have been thousands of definitions and descriptions offered, I define love as ‘wanting the best for the other person.’ You can also watch the video as I explain it further on the TV show Emotional Mojo.
Ask yourself whether or not you want the best for your partner and vice versa.
When real love is present, then the foundations can be laid for a truly healthy relationship.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.