Are you Guilty Of The Third & Fourth Most Damaging Mistakes Parents Make?

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to like to reveal the third and fourth of the 4 most damaging mistakes parents make, and how your child can help you to grow and reflect who you are.

First a quick update: 

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For 3 decades, self-esteem has been sold as the answer to all social ills, helping you to succeed in life simply by believing you are amazing. But the self-esteem movement has failed. Here is the better method to enhance worthiness. Watch the video

Are you Guilty Of These 4 Most Damaging Mistakes Parents Make?

In last week’s Success Newsletter, I revealed the first two of the four most damaging mistakes parents make when raising their children:

First Most Damaging Mistakes Parents Make – Trying To Change Your Children – Trying To Make Your Child Someone Or Something They Are Not (trying to fit your child into a preconceived mold and to be a certain way.

Second Most Damaging Mistakes Parents Make – Not Seeing and Validating Your Child As He/She Really Is – failing to identify, appreciate, acknowledge, nurture, encourage or celebrate the uniqueness and individuality of each child; failing to see him as his own person.

The Third Most Damaging Mistakes Parents Make – Not Learning And Growing From Your Child

Look at your own challenges at handling your child’s emotions because this usually reflects your challenge to handle your own emotions.

One client told me that he struggles when his 4-year-old throws a tantrum because he then feels anxious, tries to control the child, and then feels guilty for not being able to ‘control’ his child’s tantrum. I suggested: ‘Practice feeling & being secure for your child; sit with him calmly without being reactive; reassure him that he is ok and that you understand that he is upset. Give him the space while still being present. Help him to feel safe. Of course, if your child hits himself or someone else, then you intervene.”

I gave the same advice to another a client, a mother of a 5-year-old, and a couple of weeks later, both clients reported that they themselves were much calmer, did not react, and that their child was able to move thru the tantrum much quicker than before. 

The lesson here is to grow together with your child; let them be your compass to awaken you to unresolved issues within you from your own childhood and upbringing.

Children easily trigger your old wounds. Notice what they bring out in you in those difficult moments -fear, helplessness, disconnection, anger, resentment, unworthiness and so forth;  seek help to resolve those wounds.

The Fourth Most Damaging Mistakes Parents Make – Failing To Accept Yourself And To Resolve Your Issues

“After all, how can we hope to raise our children to be freethinkers and free-spirited if we aren’t these things ourselves? How can we raise independent, autonomous children if we ourselves aren’t independent and autonomous? How can we raise another human being, another spirit, if our own being has been largely dismissed, our spirit systematically squelched? It may be helpful for me to share with you some of the areas in which I am learning to accept myself: I accept I am a human being before I am a parent I accept I have limitations and many shortcomings, and this is okay I accept I don’t always know the right way I accept I am often ashamed to admit my own failings I accept I frequently lose my center worse than my child ever does I accept I can be selfish and unthinking in my dealings with my child I accept I sometimes fumble and stumble as a parent I accept I don’t always know how to respond to my child I accept that at times I say and do the wrong thing with my child I accept that at times I’m too tired to be sane I accept that at times I’m too preoccupied to be present for my child I accept I am trying my best, and that this is good enough I accept my imperfections and my imperfect life I accept my desire for power and control I accept my ego I accept my yearning for consciousness (even though I often sabotage myself when I am about to enter this state.)”

– “The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children” by Dr. Shefali Tsabary

When you choose to become conscious of your parenting without beating yourself up, you can challenge yourself, your motives, your triggers, and the hurts from your own childhood that are yet to be healed and resolved, all with the ultimate goal of ending the cycle that you and your parents experienced. Read how to make your child more resilient.

If you would like to resolve the pain and experiences of childhood, or release trauma or some other painful event, do it now gently, easily, and quickly with my SRTT process. Book a one-on-one session with me.

You can add to the conversation below.

I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.

Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist