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10 Ways To Make Your Children More Resilient

resiliency; resilient children; PACEs; Protective and Compensatory Experiences; trauma; support for children during divorce; Jennifer Hays-Grudo and Amanda Sheffield Morris ; “Adverse and Protective Childhood Experiences: A Developmental Perspective.”

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to like to reveal the ten ways to make your children more resilient.

First a quick update: 

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Are You And Your Children Resilient?

Have you ever experienced setbacks, disappointments, or failures?

We all have. And if they happened in childhood, those adverse experiences can be devastating with lifelong negative consequences.

What, though, if you can protect your children now from the negative impacts of trauma and other painful experiences?

What Are Adverse Childhood Experiences, And How Does Being Resilient Help?

Adverse Childhood Experiences include: Physical, verbal or sexual abuse; physical or emotional neglect; an alcoholic parent; a mother who’s a victim of domestic violence; a family member in jail; a family member with a mental illness; the divorce of parents; racism; bullying; watching a sibling or parent being abused; losing a caregiver (grandmother, mother, grandfather, etc.); homelessness and poverty; surviving and recovering from a severe accident; involvement with the foster care system; involvement with the juvenile justice system.

The antidote to adverse childhood experiences is resiliency.

Children who are resilient can bounce back, adapt positively to, and recover from adversity, stress, and trauma!

In this article, I share with you ten ways you can make your children more resilient.

The extent to which children are resilient depends on 3 key factors:

1. The individual child’s disposition and temperamental attributes
2. The child’s family or care situation – secure relationships and attachments with supportive family or carers
3. The wider community – positive peer relationships and adults (including teachers)

There are ten strategies to make your children more resilient.

These are also known as “Protective and Compensatory Experiences (PACEs)” as identified by Jennifer Hays-Grudo and Amanda Sheffield Morris in their book, “Adverse and Protective Childhood Experiences: A Developmental Perspective.”

1. Make Your Children More Resilient With Unconditional Love:

Unconditional love does not imply there are no consequences for bad behavior. Instead, it means that the child knows he/she is loved and supported no matter what – even when doing something wrong or when mom or dad is angry. As I have written in other articles, it is critical for the healthy development of a child to know he/she is seen, heard, understood, validated, wanted and celebrated.

2. Make Your Children More Resilient By Having A Best Friend:

A close friendship offers support, acceptance and “protection from peer rejection, bullying, and victimization.” It helps to neutralize the feelings of being alone or a complete outsider.

3. Make Your Children More Resilient By Volunteering In The Community:

Volunteering helps children to learn compassion and widen their perspective on life. “When they understand that helping is not done out of pity, it allows them to accept help from others when they need it.”

4. Make Your Children More Resilient By Including Them As Part Of A Group:

Children need to belong – within and without the family. They need a sense of community, and a group of their own. Exposure to other groups aids children and teenagers to “learn more about  themselves in different contexts, and provides opportunities for friendship and leadership.” Taking part in school clubs and sports is linked to academic success, psychological well-being, and lower rates of substance abuse.

5. Make Your Children More Resilient by Finding Them A Mentor:

Many of my clients speak so fondly of an aunt or uncle who served as a mentor or a role model. A mentor can offer another perspective, reduce the chance of high-risk activities, and provide additional support, love and care to the child.

6. Make Your Children More Resilient With A Clean, Safe Home With Enough Food:

Nutrition is critical to healthy brain development and overall health.

Studies show that eating dinner regularly with your family reduces the risk of weight problems. Clean, neat and organized homes enhance mental health and are indicative of good parenting. “Children who live in unclean, cluttered homes have worse outcomes than those living in clean, organized homes.”

7. Make Your Children More Resilient By Giving Them An Education:

Life lessons and formal education protects children from risk and gives them goals and a sense of significance. “High-quality early childhood programs make a lasting difference to outcomes for children from low-income families.”

8. Make Your Children More Resilient By Supporting A Hobby:

Any hobby “helps teach self-discipline and self-regulation, and can provide children and youth with a routine and a sense of mastery, competence, and self-esteem.”

9. Make Your Children More Resilient With Physical Activity:

Exercise and physically activity helps to alleviate the physiological effects of stress on the body, and it improves mood and mental health.

10. Make Your Children More Resilient By Establishing And Enforcing Rules And Routines:

Security, safety, and stability are 3 key needs of children. Rules, boundaries, consistency, and routines enhance security. Children don’t like rules, routines and structure, but they need them. “In early childhood, this means that parents should establish and enforce bedtime and other routines, redirect children when they misbehave, and as children grow up, explain the effects of their behavior on others.”

If you had adverse childhood experiences including trauma, you can resolve it rapidly and easily, and be set free of the pain with my SRTT process. Book a one-on-one session with me.

You can add to the conversation below.

I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.

Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist

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