Are Women To Blame For Men’s Actions?

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to like to reveal the way we emasculate men when we think that women are to blame for men’s actions.

First a quick update: 

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Blame Women for Men’s Actions? Should We Blame Jada Pinkett-Smith, Too, For Will Smith’s Actions & Violence?

Did you know that in 2009, a marriage counselor said women are to blame for men’s actions, saying that women are to blame when men cheat on them?

Gary Neuman in his book, “The Truth about Cheating” wrote that the no. 1 reason men cheat is “feeling underappreciated – a lack of thoughtful gestures” by the woman. 

Wait!

Five years later, in 2014, Peter Cook cheated on his wife, ex-supermodel, Christie Brinkley with an 18-year-old girl.

Did he accept responsibility for his own actions?

No!

Cook blamed his wife for his affair!

Perhaps, Cook read Neuman’s book, again blaming women for men’s actions:

“I wanted a little acknowledgement, a little attention, a little thank-you every now and then for my efforts, for the amount of time I took to care for her and my family, for the wealth I was building.”

Now, in 2022, people on social media are blaming Jada Pinkett Smith for her husband’s actions – Will Smith assaulted Chris Rock during the 2022 Oscars.

Are women to blame for men’s actions – whether it is infidelity or violence?

Comedian Bill Burr, in a comedy special in 2012, offered his take on male accountability and responsibility, this time addressing the issue if women are to blame when men hit them:

“There is no reason to hit a woman? Really? I can give you 17 right off the top of my head. Dude, there are plenty of reasons. You just don’t do it!”

Yes, Bill Burr was clearly suggesting that women provoke men to assault, but he reinforced the point that it is up to men to control themselves and their anger: men cannot blame women for men’s actions.

People blamed Jada Pinkett-Smith because Will Smith at first laughed at Chris Rock’s joke during the Oscars, but then Jada rolled her eyes, and looked at Smith and next, Smith went up on stage and slapped Chris Rock.

Their point: She made him do it; she controls him.

Others argued that Will Smith has been in a toxic marriage with a wife who has publicly humiliated him.

In July 2020, on her Facebook series, “Red Table Talk”, Jada revealed to Will Smith and the world her “entanglement” (affair) with a much younger man, her son’s friend August Alsina – 23, when they first met.

Their point: Jada is to blame because Will Smith was trying to prove his masculinity; he was trying to be an Alpha male after she already emasculated him.

“Surprisingly, the theologians Tertullian ‘father of the Western Church’ (160-220 AD) and Augustine both castigated all women as evil temptresses, an eternal danger to mankind, and yet it was Satan who allegedly was the first to rebel against God.”
From my article: Why We Hate Women

If It Is True That Women Are To Blame For Men’s Actions, Then Men Must Be Weak

Perhaps, we have created a religious/cultural belief that women are to blame for men’s actions beginning with the Biblical story of Eve tempting Adam to eat the forbidden fruit.

Was Adam not strong enough to turn her down?
Did she control him?
Is he not accountable for his own choices?

Job in the Bible was constantly tormented by the Devil, but he never gave in. Do women possess more power over men than the Devil (whatever your concept of the devil is)?

Male or female, we influence each other, we provoke each other, we can affect or infect each other.

But each, and every one of us makes our own choices, and therefore we are each responsible for those choices.

Our past, our experiences, our programming and the people we surround ourselves with all impact and influence our identity, beliefs, emotions, and behaviors.

Jada has been accused of being manipulative, narcissistic, cruel and controlling. But Will Smith could have left her at any time.

Further, Will Smith could have responded in various way to Chris Rock’s joke and his wife’s reaction; assaulting Chris Rock was not the only option. And if Will Smith felt emasculated by his wife due to her affairs and public revelations of their inner most relationship, he could have still found another way to heal that or, to simply end the marriage.

After Smith slapped Chris Rock, he returned to his seat, and shouted back, “Keep my wife’s name out of your f**king mouth.” Was he actually talking to Chris Rock, or was he expressing his anger and helplessness over the men who have slept with his wife? Was he really angry at himself for condoning her affairs? And who is responsible for Will Smith’s Oscar speech where he played, the victim, hero, and a man doing God’s work?

You Emasculate Men When You Say That Women Are To Blame For Men’s Actions

Misogyny for me is also exemplified by the choice to blame women for men’s actions; that includes blaming women when men sexually harass them. In fact, research shows that men have greater empathy for the male perpetrator in sexual harassment cases.

No matter how toxic, dysfunctional or manipulative a woman is, the man chooses his responses and actions; he makes his choices. And the moment you blame a woman or anyone else for a man’s actions, not only do you rob the man of all accountability and responsibility, you emasculate him – you label him as weak, powerless, and controlled by women and others.

Anytime you choose to blame someone else for your actions, you are saying you are a helpless victim! If you are in a toxic relationship, get out before it destroys you.

If you had adverse childhood experiences including trauma, you can resolve it rapidly and easily, and be set free of the pain with my SRTT process. Book a one-on-one session with me.

You can add to the conversation below.

I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D. Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist