In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to share with you my deepest, greatest regret and invite you to challenge your beliefs by explaining why doing that is critical to your success and happiness.
First a quick update:
It seems that I created a storm with the media and others for my insights as a Human Behavior Expert and Celebrity Life Coach as to the reasons for Sarah Palin’s sudden popularity. I have given interviews to media as diverse as Broadminded (an all-women show on XM radio), Playboy radio, Spanish TV and UK radio. You can read and add your comments to my blog: “Media storm over press release: Is Sarah Palin seducing America”.
“Stilettos for babies”
Please take the time to read my blog and become aware of this shocking development, click here.
Now let’s talk about a controversial topic – challenging your beliefs.
I mentioned above that my insights into Sarah Palin’s appeal have created a surge of emotional responses. And it seems that no matter how many times I poin out to people that I am speaking as a Human Behavior Expert and that I am not offering any political stances or making judgments about Palin’s capabilities as a politician, people get angry or accuse me of being bias or worse.
The highly charged responses by people in the media and individuals raises two key questions: Are there absolute truths and are you your beliefs?
I have to date, only endorsed two people or messages: one is “Mind Movies Creation Kit” – a phenomenal way of focusing on what you want to create in your life, a kind of three-dimensional vision board. The other is Dr. Joe Rubino an expert who helps people to raise their self-esteem.
Joe and I have recorded two powerful interviews on self-esteem and the Law of Deservedness which will be available for you to listen to next week.
In our detailed discussion, Joe raised the point that people are attached to “absolute truths.” And he is right, we often believe that things are black and white and when we become attached to those beliefs it creates great pain because if someone challenges our beliefs, we take it personally.
Are you your beliefs?
Yes, our beliefs determine how we feel, our results and our enjoyment of life – but are we our beliefs? If I challenge your beliefs, is that the same as saying you are a bad person, or you are not worthy or not good? Of course, not. But too many people have made their identity their beliefs rather than making their identity their inner qualities, gifts and talents.
If I don’t like the car you are driving does that make you bad or less than, not good enough? Point here: you are not your car or what you believe about your car’s worth.
I know that you might say, of course, there are absolute truths, such as “my beliefs about God.” Well, what was the concept of God that people had before Jesus came? Jesus offered a new understanding of God and even replaced many old customs and beliefs.
If someone challenges your beliefs about your political ideologies, does that make you inferior for not believing the same things? Many people incorrectly feel that when someone disagrees with or challenges your beliefs that they are in fact invalidating you, crushing you. That is false -unless you allow it to be your truth.
Do you remember when you were a child and you thought kissing a boy or a girl was yucky? Do you remember a time when you thought this item of clothing or this hairstyle was the coolest thing on earth and now you feel embarrassed to think you ever wore those clothes or hairstyle?
My point here is that when you hold every belief to be unmoveable, unchangeable, not only do you open up yourself for others to push your buttons, control or manipulate you, you also create a lot of pain.
I will share my experience and my greatest regret with you.
I left Australia many years ago for what was supposed to be a three-month vacation, and I ended up living around the world ever since. At the time, I had an “absolute truth” belief about my father that was to be shattered the day he died. At my father’s eulogy service, my two younger brothers, Paul and Christian, eleven and twelve years younger than me spoke about my father. I was shocked as I listened to them describe a man I never knew. I thought to myself, “Who are they talking about?”
All I knew of my father was the angry man who used to beat the hell out of me, to the point where I couldn’t walk or raise my arms; a man that would shout, scream and have fits of anger and rage. But years later, he wasn’t that way towards my two younger brothers. He had changed. My father had become softer, more compassionate, more caring. I just never experienced that part of him because I never gave him another chance. I wasn’t ready to let go of my absolute truth and now I regret it.
I spent fifteen years away from home on the other side of the world, trying to escape my pain, myself but living in anger. And now, all I remember of my father are the two-minute phone conversations with him across the globe when he would say the same thing every time, “You are worrying your mom. When are you coming home son? Keep your nose clean son. Stay out of politics. Are your praying daily son?”
I am saying that I deeply regret that I never knew my father and it is too late now. I never knew him simply because I refused to challenge my beliefs. I held onto them so tight, and if someone said anything different about my dad, I would get so angry because I felt they were invalidating me and what I experienced, the beatings and abuse. But the insight and revelation here is that my father wasn’t just what I experienced him to be, he was more and because I chose to believe he was one way and only one way, (my absolute truth) the result was that I missed out on knowing and having a relationship with my father. I missed out on him knowing who I am.
I humbly invite you and encourage you to challenge your own beliefs, particularly about the people around you, the people closest to you.I sincerely feel that if you go deeper, you will find the way to forgive them and yourself, and thus you will find peace and happiness.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.