In this week’s Success Newsletter,
The difference between envy and jealousy, and the way envy destroys you.
First a quick update:
The Breakup Test
Are you heartbroken, angry, lost, lonely, confused, depressed, hung up, or pining over your ex? Do you know how your ex is truly affecting you and do you want to benefit from personalize advice, action steps and revelations? Take my free breakup test and get your own personalized report.
Do you argue for hours and get sucked into the drama?
Do you get into arguments over the phone or text messages, and they continue for hours? Do you try and try, and yet you just can’t seem to control it or stop it; you are overtaken by the emotions? Watch the video for the solution
Now, let’s talk about the difference between envy and jealousy, and the way envy destroys you.
Do you know the difference between jealousy and envy?
Two children are playing. Johnny begins to play with Paul’s toy and Paul immediately begins to get angry; he is experiencing jealousy at the thought of losing his toy. Paul takes back the toy and later when Johnny is alone with Paul’s toy, he is experiencing envy and he smashes it believing he can never have such a toy.
Adults often do the same thing.
For example, a man responds with anger when he believes that he is going to lose something that he believes belongs to him (such as his girlfriend/wife) and; the woman responds with anger, bitterness or resentment when she looks at the woman who is thin and happily married and believes she can never be thin or have that loving marriage.
Envy occurs when you believe that someone has something superior or is superior to you and you really want what he/she has, you don’t believe you can have it or be it, and that thought causes you pain.
Thus, envy is the pain caused by the burning desire to possess something that someone else has, often coupled with the feeling of inferiority and/or belief that you cannot or never will attain it.
The same principle of envy applies to the way most people respond to a relationship breakup or divorce.
Do you feel envious when you learn that your ex is in another relationship and is doing well and is happy?
If yes, think about the underlying beliefs of hopelessness and inferiority that drive you to be envious. Which one or more of these beliefs is causing you this pain:
I am not good enough
I am not worthy
I am unable to experience happiness/I’ll never be happy
I will never have a fulfilling relationship
I will never have what others have
Everything is hopeless
I am helpless
I am powerless
I hate myself
“Our envy of others devours us most of all.”
– Alexander Solzhenitsyn
Think now about the way that any of these above beliefs affect you and result in the pain of envy.
Do you experience:
* A lowered immune system and consequently infections, cardiovascular diseases, digestive problems (ulcers, bloating and so forth)
* Mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, insomnia, constant frustration, outbursts of anger
* Negative and agitative emotions such as ingratitude, irony, anger, frustration, cynicism, scorn, snobbery, and narcissism
If you choose to be envious of your ex or anyone else who is experiencing something that you desire, remember that you are robbing yourself of the very thing you want – love, joy, success, happiness, a meaningful relationship and so forth.
While you focus on envy, you are preventing yourself from realizing your potential; your anger, bitterness, anguish and resentment will not help you to achieve anything that you say you want to achieve.
If you want a loving and satisfying relationship, you cannot have it while the energy and aura you exude is one of anger and negativity because you will only attract people who are mirrors of you (envious, angry, negative.)
While you focus on envy, you are wasting your energy on the wrong things rather than focusing your energy on the ways and means to achieve and realize your dreams. Further, the negative energy and disempowering beliefs (listed above) prevent you from focusing on your talents, gifts and abilities.
The antidote to envy
When you awaken to realize that envy (of your ex or anyone else in your life who is happy, successful or has something that you desire) is destroying you, you can choose to instead focus on these emotions and responses:
Become aware of everything for which you can be thankful in your life; write a list of gratitude on a daily basis (it will change your emotions and attitude for the better)
The verb admire is defined as ‘to regard (an object, quality, or person) with respect or warm approval.’ Give respect and approval to the person, quality, achievement or possession that you want.
Practice celebrating other people’s successes and joy; it changes the way you feel towards success and happiness. If you loathe or criticize other people’s successes and joys, you are subconsciously attaching pain to success and your mind will push you away from success because of the painful association.
Identify what it is about the other person that you desire and then begin to emulate (mimic) them, their behaviors, qualities or skills. You can only emulate someone when you choose to shift your belief from ‘I am not good/I am inferior’ to ‘I am worthy and I can do this.’ Be open to learning, growing, applying and adapting yourself to be able to become and have what it is that you desire in the other person.
If you need personal help to release yourself from envy, get over your ex or believe that you are worthy and good enough, book a one-on-one session with me.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.