Do you value yourself?

Do you value yourself?

Do you value yourself?

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal how to clearly determine whether or not you truly value yourself.

First a quick update:

“Your level of deservedness”
We all have subconscious beliefs about our self-worth and what we deserve. Why do some people feel happy and comfortable to charge high fees while others feel guilty charging or receiving anything at all?

Follow me on Twitter– You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert

“Why do you always need to be right?”
What is the real cause of needing to be right? Do you or someone you know always need to be right? Here are 7 signs of trying to be right and the real cause of needing to be right. Watch the video:

Now, let’s talk about how to clearly determine whether or not you truly value yourself.

The dictionary defines value as “the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.” It defines the verb to value as “to consider (someone or something) to be important or beneficial.”

So here are some questions to contemplate:

Do you believe you are important, worthy or useful?

Do you believe that you are significant and beneficial?

Your first response might be, “Of course, I do” or “I am not sure; how would I know if I value myself?”

The way to determine whether or not you believe that you are important, worthy, useful, significant or beneficial is to simply determine how you allow others to treat you.

Remember, we teach others how to treat us.

The value you give to yourself is the same value others will give to you.

If someone disrespects you, it is their doing. However, once that person disrespects you a second or third time, it is because you have allowed it to happen.

The point here is not to beat yourself up for allowing them to disrespect you. Rather, the point is to become aware that you are not a victim and you have more power than you realized over your life and more power than you realized over the way other people will treat you and respond to you.

“Value yourself. The only people who appreciate a doormat are people with dirty shoes.” – Leo F. Buscaglia

So how do you begin to value yourself?

Answer these questions:

Do you believe you are worthy and good enough? Of what are you worthy?

What action have you been taking that tells you that you did not believe you were worthy or good enough? Perhaps you did not stand up for yourself and you said yes when you really wanted to say no. Perhaps you did not ask for what you wanted. Perhaps you did not allow others to give to you or help you.

Do you believe that you are useful? Consider each area of your life – your work, your personal relationships and your professional relationships – do you feel useful in each of these areas? Are you using your talents and gifts?

“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” – William James

Do you believe you are significant or beneficial? Consider each area of your life – your work, your personal relationships and your professional relationships – do you feel significant or beneficial in each of these areas? Do people appreciate what you do and the way you contribute? Do they say thank you or return the favor and help? Do you give yourself away for free i.e. do you give away your talent, time and treasure or is there a balance where others give to you and pay you for your talent and time? In what ways are you contributing to their opinion and treatment of you? For example, if you are always doing things for everyone else, and you never consider your needs or desires, then people will believe the same about you – they will think that your time and talent is not worth much, it’s not valuable because you don’t value it.

Also, are you overcompensating (by your actions) for subconscious beliefs or feelings of inadequacy or insecurity by constantly giving and sacrificing yourself? What are your motives – approval, acceptance or to help? Be open and honest with yourself about your motives. If you sense resentment within you for what you are doing, then most likely your motives are driven by a need to fill an inner emptiness, to gain the approval, acceptance, attention, recognition or validation of others. Do you believe that your only value and significance comes from giving, rescuing or serving? Again, there is great satisfaction and fulfillment when we help others and make a positive difference. However, when the scales are uneven, then there is not real joy in the giving, and eventually the joy of giving turns to resentment!

“Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” –  Rumi

One final question to consider:

How are you being treated in your personal relationships? Are you comfortable at receiving or do you only give? Do you give much more than you receive? Do you not receive at all? Are your needs being met? Unfortunately, people who experience abuse in relationships often do so because they believe at a subconscious level that they deserve the abuse and do not deserve to be loved.

You can also write out a description of your experiences and patterns (the ways you have been treated in relationships both work and professional.) Now review what you have written and ask yourself, “If this person were my son or daughter, would I believe that he/she values him/herself? What would I say to them?”

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid.” – Albert Einstein

In next week’s Success Newsletter, I will share strategies to help you value yourself. Meanwhile, if you want to release old beliefs and feelings that have been holding you back from truly valuing yourself and thus you have been missing out on experiencing the joy of the value that others can show you, consider a one-on-one session with me.

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist

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