Encouragement: You’re Better Than That!

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the power of encouraging people to push beyond doubt and fear and discover their real capabilities.

First a quick update:

The Breakup Test
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“I Got My Voice! But I Didn’t Think It Would Work!”
In one SRTT session with me, Jarrett gets his voice. I get to the root cause of Jarrett’s subconscious issue and block and help him without reliving trauma or pain. “I’m a grown man – not that little boy anymore. I can speak up and be assertive now!” says Jarrett. Watch my video 

Now, let’s talk about the power of encouraging people to push beyond doubt and fear and discover their real capabilities.

Have you ever noticed the conflicting behavior of children?

Sometimes, they want to do a task all on their own and at other times, they simply give up, saying they can’t do it at all.

Recently, I was at the park with a friend’s daughter, age 8, who was about to attempt to swing across the monkey bars. She stopped and said, “I can’t do it.”

‘Yes, you can’, I said without hesitation.

“I can’t. I am not strong enough.”

‘I will help you.’

“But I am nervous.”

‘That’s OK. Who is the boss? You or the nervousness?’

She stood there puzzled for a moment, and then began to move her hand to the monkey bar.

‘Swing your body,’ I said. ‘Reach with your right arm…now your left…you are doing it…Well done.’

She stopped about half-way and jumped down.

“But I didn’t make it all the way across.”

‘Not yet, but you will with more practice. Well done! You see? You did it even though you thought you couldn’t.’

That encounter reminded me about the ways that encouragement helps children succeed by believing in themselves and their capabilities, and it pushes them to take action even when they still have some self-doubt; courage is acting in spite of the fear.

We all need encouragement, particularly when something is tough, challenging, or, we simply doubt ourselves.

Encouragement is the action of giving someone support, confidence, or hope.

The word Encouragement comes from Old French encoragier “make strong, hearten,” and from en- “make, put in” plus corage “courage, heart.”

Thus, encouragement means putting courage in someone’s heart, and discouragement means depriving of or causing someone to lose courage; to dishearten.

“You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality in the mind next to honor.”
– Aristotle

Do you encourage the people in your life – friends, family and coworkers?

Do you have people in your life who encourage you – support you, push you and instill belief in your capabilities and potential?

In the movie, Rocky Balboa, Sylvester Stallone plays the aging boxer who is confronted by his son, Robert (Milo Ventimiglia) who tries to talk his dad out of a comeback fight.

Robert who is failing in his life, wants his dad to quit because he claims that it makes both of them “look like a joke.” Rocky challenges him and calls him out for playing the victim and blaming everything and everyone around him for his own plight.

“But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody!
Cowards do that and that ain’t you!
You’re better than that!”

Rocky demonstrates encouragement in the way he calls out his son for playing the victim and identifies that behavior as common to cowards but rather than calling him a coward, he reinforces his belief in his son when he tells him, “You’re better than that.”

Soon after, Rocky and his son Robert reconcile and Robert supports his dad to prepare for the fight!

Life often drains the emotional tank, but it is encouragement that keeps the emotional tank full.

“Everyone has inside them a piece of good news. The good news is you don’t know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is.”
– Anne Frank

Encouragement keeps determination and hope alive. However, for encouragement to go beyond motivation, and for it to be most effective, it needs to be specific and it needs to tell the person both what they are doing wrong and what they need to do right in order to succeed.

Encouragement involves issuing the challenge, pushing the person to make decisions, take action and reinforce their belief in their abilities and capabilities. Effective encouragement requires that you tell the other person to persist in spite of the obstacles, setbacks and failures, and; to persist in spite of their own self-doubt or fear!

“Press on – nothing can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Perseverance and determination alone are omnipotent.”
– Calvin Coolidge

If you need personal help and guidance to overcome self-doubt or other obstacles because you were never encouraged, book a one-on-one session with me.

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
www.patrickwanis.com