In this Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about the power and significance of appreciation.
You may have heard the song by Joni Mitchell:
Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got
Till it’s gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot
I am not writing here about damage to the environment but rather the principle that most of us only appreciate something or someone once it’s too late and we have lost it or them. So what is appreciation?
The dictionary defines appreciation as:
1. Gratitude; thankful recognition
2. The act of estimating the qualities of things and giving them their proper value
3. Clear perception or recognition, esp. of aesthetic quality
4. An increase or rise in the value of property, goods, etc.
Recently, in one of my success newsletters, I spoke about the power of praising people. Appreciation is different from praise. Appreciation refers to expressing gratitude and thankfulness for what you have – be it a person or a thing. Appreciation is saying, “thank you” in the moment.
Why do we chose to find it so much easier to express all the reasons we dislike someone or something than expressing why we like and love someone?
We are acting out of fear!
Too many of us think that if we were to express gratitude to someone we would then lose our power, become vulnerable and the other person might have some magical hold or control over us. This is false and we are only fooling ourselves. The more you can express why you are grateful for someone, the more that person will want to be around you because he or she feels special when with you and the easier it will be for that person to return the expression of gratitude.
But also be aware not to wait for the other person to first express gratitude before you do so, otherwise, you are acting out of fear, you are not truly grateful or you are trying to bargain and thus create a contract.
If you still have resistance to expressing gratitude to the people around you then you are most likely harboring resentments –at the world in general, that specific person or what that person reminds you of or represents to you (authority-figure, ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, mom, dad, etc.) Begin to consider your resentment and work on understanding, forgiving and letting go. Also, the more you focus on the things you can be thankful for in your life, the better and happier you will feel. Also, think about how much you yearn to hear the people around you appreciate you & who you are, and then focus on contributing to others: making other people feel good. When you focus on others it helps you to get past your fears. If you choose to hold onto the resentment, anger or the need to be right and you refuse to express gratitude, then you will only succeed in pushing the other person away from you, and then finally when he or she is gone, you will be forced to think about what you miss and why you liked and appreciated that person. In other words, don’t wait till it is too late, do it now!
So how do you express gratitude?
Say “Thank you!” (and ladies – the men need to hear those words more than they will openly admit) and mention the person’s qualities: “I appreciate your kindness, thoughtfulness, friendship, sincerity, patience, understanding, time, attention…” Most of all, if you want to step out of your comfort zone, say, “I appreciate you!” and then proceed to mention why you do so. You might even choose to use the words, I feel blessed that you are in my life, because…”
Finally, express appreciation to everyone in your life – personal, family and business people and do it when it is fresh i.e. thank that person now not two weeks later.
If you want to learn more about the link between gratitude and success, check out my audio book “Get What You Want!”
Also, watch iVillageLive on NBC Wednesday July 18 when I will be speaking about dating and finding your ideal match…I now have a blog on my website where you can read all of my past Success Newsletters, post your comments and even take a few exciting quizzes.
I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.