In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to explain survivor’s guilt and the way we stop living when someone we love dies.
First a quick update:
The Breakup Test
Are you heartbroken, angry, lost, lonely, confused, depressed, hung up, or pining over your ex? Do you know how your ex is truly affecting you and do you want to benefit from personalize advice, action steps and revelations? Take my free breakup test and get your own personalized report.
The 6 Love Languages. Yes 6! What is Yours?
Love is an expression and therefore it has a language – a form of communicating and expressing. Each one of us feels love and feels loved in different ways. Some people want to hear the words “I love you” while others want to feel love with physical touch. Watch the video
Now, let’s talk about survivor’s guilt and the way we stop living when someone we love dies.
Our experiences affect our behavior and our behavior also affects our experiences.
Jennifer came to me because she was feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and stuck. She said that she couldn’t get the right job and felt frustrated because she wasn’t feeling fulfilled. She said she was also unsure about her purpose.
When I asked Jennifer about the kind of things that got her excited when she was a child she mentioned she was very competitive and loved playing violin, piano, and participating in oratorical contests.
So I said to her, “When did you stop competing?:
She paused and then said around the time of her grandmother’s death.
Jennifer was aged 19 when her grandmother died.
I asked Jennifer to explain her connection and relationship with her grandmother.
Jennifer said that her grandmother was the only person that truly believed in her, supported her, accepted her, and loved her unconditionally.
We revisited her grandmother’s death. Even at this moment Jennifer was still overwhelmed by emotion when thinking about her grandmother’s death.
Using my SRTT process, we discovered that when Jennifer’s grandmother died Jennifer made a subconscious choice and decision to stop living. They weren’t her exact words but that was the ultimate result of the choice she made to stop expressing her real self.
There’s a part of Jennifer that was punishing herself for her grandmother’s death.
Jennifer’s grandmother died from old age and illness, and yet Jennifer subconsciously believed that in order to be loyal to her grandmother and to express love to her grandmother, Jennifer must suffer – Jennifer must stop living life.
Through my process of SRTT, I helped Jennifer to truly understand that what her grandmother saw in her was Jennifer’s core essence – her pure potential, skills, talents, gifts, and abilities. Jennifer’s grandmother saw the real Jennifer and that’s why she believed in her, supported her, encouraged her and loved her.
“Do you believe that by suffering you are honoring your grandmother and everything she stood for and everything that she saw in you?” I asked Jennifer.
“Do you believe that by holding yourself back and withholding who you are from the rest of the world you are actually being loyal to your grandmother, and loyal to the love that she expressed to you?”
Jennifer suddenly had an a-ha moment.
She recognized that she had made a subconscious choice to stop living when her grandmother died. And through my SRTT process Jennifer was able to realize that the real way to honor her grandmother and to honor her grandmother’s love for her is to live life to its fullest: to enjoy every moment, to fulfill her purpose, and to live life with passion.
As I mentioned earlier, our experiences can affect our behavior and our behavior can affect our experiences. The way we interpret the things that happen to us determines the way that we will continue to live and respond to life.
It is common that when a person loses a loved one they shut down and they shut themselves down from life. And yet here I am telling you that this is not what your loved one wanted.
No person that truly loves you ever wants you to suffer when they’re gone. No person that truly loves you ever wants you to stop living, loving, and enjoying life to its fullest when they are gone.
It is so easy to create a twisted interpretation, a twisted perspective of your loved one’s death. There is no reason for you to stop living or to suffer when someone that you loved and someone that loved you passes. Your purpose on Earth is to live with passion, to find your unique ability and your unique path to make a difference.
As we continued in the SRTT process Jennifer was able to give herself permission to live life to its fullest, to fulfill her purpose and to live life with passion. The turning point for Jennifer was realizing that even when her grandmother died nothing really changed inside her: Jennifer was still the same special, wonderful, lovable person that her grandmother adored. And through the SRTT process Jennifer was able to change her perception of herself, her perception of her grandmother and her relationship to her grandmother. For the first time since her grandmother’s death, Jennifer could feel that her grandmother was close-by, still connected to her, and that her grandmother still wants the best for her, and wants her to live life and enjoy life to its fullest.
Think about you for a moment.
Have you experienced the loss of someone close to you? How did you change? What subconscious choices, decisions and interpretations did you make? Did you subconsciously decide to stop living? Did you subconsciously feel guilty just for wanting to enjoy life after the loss of someone close to you?
Honor the people that loved you by expressing all of you. Remember, the people that really loved you want you to express love & to be loved; the people that really loved you want the best for you, and want you to be full of love, joy, success, and happiness. Let go of the guilt now and embrace life and love!
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.