In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about the impact fathers have on their daughters.
First a quick update:
“Is it cheating?”
What constitutes cheating? Is cheating kissing or sleeping with someone? What are the boundaries? And is cheating only physical or can there also be, “emotional cheating”? Take the quiz and Read the full article I wrote for date.com and matchmaker.com on my blog.
Now let’s talk about fathers and their effect on their daughters.
As a Human Behavior Expert and Clinical Hypnotherapist, I have long taught that the relationship that a child has with his or her parents will greatly determine the type of relationships the child has as an adult. In other words, often the dynamic experienced as child will be repeated as an adult. And this occurs because the child forms beliefs and conclusions about his or her self-worth, self-image and self-esteem. The child also forms definitions of love – even if they are twisted and unsatisfying as an adult. In fact, most of the work I do with clients is about healing the client’s childhood relationship with his or her parents and helping the client to create new beliefs about him or herself, his/her self-worth and the world around him/her.
For example, a girl who was raised by an abusive or highly critical father will often find herself in adult relationships with men who are also abusive or highly critical. In one case, a woman had never been told she was pretty or beautiful by her father when she was a child. As an adult she subconsciously believed that she is not pretty or beautiful and she continued to repeat the pattern of being attracted to men with whom she does not feel pretty or attractive. Specifically, she was in a live-in relationship with a man for three years and their physically intimate relationship became almost non-existent to the point where she said to me, “I feel like there is sign on my forehead that says I am ugly.” In turn, when she did find a man who praised and complimented her for her beauty she sabotaged the relationship because she didn’t believe that she is beautiful and continued seeking more men to try to prove to herself that she is pretty and beautiful, only to feel resentful, empty and ugly. Of course, the key to her happiness was to change her belief and understanding about why her dad never complimented her and to convince her at a subconscious level that there is nothing wrong with her – she is not ugly, she is pretty and beautiful.
Interestingly, the relationship that a father has with his daughter will affect the daughter on many levels – physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually.
A study was conducted in the United States and New Zealand in 2003, by Bruce J. Ellis, from the University of Arizona that reveals the power and effect a dad has on his daughter. The researchers listed various negative outcomes adolescent girls experience when they have early sexual experiences:
“Specifically, adolescent childbearing is associated with lower educational and occupational attainment, more mental and physical health problems, inadequate social support networks for parenting, and increased risk of abuse and neglect for children born to teen mothers. Despite these consequences, the United States and New Zealand have the first and second highest rates of teenage pregnancy among Western industrialized countries. . . . Given these costs to adolescents and their children, it is critical to identify life experiences and pathways that place girls at increased risk for early sexual activity and adolescent pregnancy.”
The study followed a total of 820 subjects for their entire childhoods, from before kindergarten to approximately age 18. The study concluded that:
“Father absence was an overriding risk factor for early sexual activity and adolescent pregnancy. Conversely, father presence was a major protective factor against early sexual outcomes, even if other factors were present.”
In another study, in 2006, involving 10,000 students between 7th and 12th grade, Mark Regnerus, a sociologist at the University of Texas at Austin, showed that girls who had positive relationships with involved fathers waited longer to have their first sexual experience and he said:
“Girls who have poor relationships with their dads tend to seek attention from other males at earlier ages and often this will involve a sexual relationship.”
Contrary to popular belief, raising daughters is not the lone responsibility of mothers, and neither gender on its own makes a better parent, because in the above study, the surprising characteristic of strong father-daughter relationships was not duplicated between mothers and daughters.
Linda Nielsen, professor of adolescent psychology and women’s studies at Wake Forest University in North Carolina has been teaching a “Fathers and Daughters” course since 1990, conducting research among her college students for almost 20 years. Her work reveals that positive fathering produces well-adjusted, confident and successful daughters who as adults relate well to other men in their lives. Linda says that unfortunately, fathers tend to spend less time with their daughters than with their sons, and many do not see anything negative about doing this, and she says that “most of these fathers and daughters do not communicate, share personal things, or get to know one another as well as mothers and daughters.”
Next week, I will talk more about what to do if you are the daughter who didn’t have the healthy relationship with dad!
Remember to check out my Blog on my website to read my past Success Newsletters, post your comments and take a few exciting quizzes. If you have received this newsletter as a forward and would like to receive all of my newsletters please enter your email address on the home page.
I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis PhD
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.