It’s Not Your Fault, But It Is Your Responsibility. Here Are 6 Reasons Why!

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to like to reveal the difference between fault and responsibility and the 6 reasons why it is not your fault, but it is your responsibility.

First a quick update: 

The Breakup Quiz

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Are You A Victim of The Three Thieves of Happiness?

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Now let’s talk about the difference between fault and responsibility and the 6 reasons why it is not your fault, but it is your responsibility.

“It’s not my fault. I am not the one that abandoned and abused me as a child.”

‘Yeah. I know.’

“Well, if it is not my fault, then I am not to blame.”

‘True. It’s not your fault and you are not to blame. So, what are you going to do?’

“Well, it’s their fault for abandoning and abusing me. It is their fault for my pain and misery. Can’t you see I am the victim here? I didn’t choose this!”

‘You are right: They created the pain, and I deeply regret that it happened and that you were hurt and abused. And when you were a child, you were helpless and a victim. But your misery is your choice now. it is still your responsibility to heal it. You’re not a victim today. Unless, of course, you want to be a victim?’

“The responsibility/fault fallacy allows people to pass off the responsibility for solving their problems to others. This ability to alleviate responsibility through blame gives people a temporary high and a feeling of moral righteousness.”

The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck by Mark Manson

The Myths And The Truths Surrounding Fault And Responsibility

1. People confuse responsibility with fault: ‘I am only responsible if it is my fault…I don’t need to do anything if it is not my fault.’

2. You make yourself helpless when you focus on fault on blame: ‘Because it is not my fault, I am a victim and I have no power or control over myself or life.’

3. As a matter of fact, you are not actually responsible for anything. However, if you want control over your life, your emotions, well-being, problems, success, and happiness, then you are truly responsible for making that happen!

4. The difference between fault and responsibility is simple: the fault is in the past – it has occurred, and it is done; the responsibility to do something about what happened in the past along with its current consequences lies in the present moment.

6. The foundation of maturity is being responsible even for the things/experiences that were or are not your fault.

5 Extreme and unhealthy responsibility is when you make yourself responsible for the actions or emotions of others.

6 A common self-destructive response to life is when you and the group with whom you identify become outraged for being a victim. Therefore, you expend all of your energy being offended, outraged and you constantly blame everyone else for your misery. Now, you are truly helpless. Now, you are the victim of your own actions and responses.

“Character – the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life – is the source from which all self-respect springs.”

Joan Didion

The Power of Embracing The Principle That It’s Not Your Fault But It Is Your Responsibility

When you choose to be responsible for the things that are not your fault, but which impact and affect your life, you immediately become empowered. You are free because you finally realize that you have the power to change your outcomes when you first take responsibility.

The shackles that have held you prisoner are broken when you realize that only you are responsible for your misery or happiness. They don’t have power over you.

One cannot get away with blaming others for their unhappiness, though most people do that.

As one person commented: “Whenever I get upset/angry I step back, get a grip and remind myself that the person that I am really upset with is myself for allowing the situation to happen. That usually helps me start to solve the problem.” Another wrote, “Taking up responsibility for my own life, wants, needs, and emotions is one of the most empowering things I have done for myself.”

Fault is in the past, and in the present, there is responsibility. Which one do you choose? Will you hold yourself a prisoner of the past or will you create your life in the present?

If you or a friend need help to reclaim your power, and to be set free from the past, from the pain, abuse, hurts or disappointments, do what so many others have done: Resolve it rapidly and be set free of the pain by experiencing my SRTT process. Book a one-on-one session with me.

You can add to the conversation below.

I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D. Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist