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Men Are Evolving – Despite The Lies

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal that despite the lies, men are evolving based on a new survey of the 21st century man.

First a quick update:

“How stupid are men?”
Why do the media, TV shows and advertising choose to portray the typical man as a stupid idiot – inept, bumbling and clearly inferior to women? Read more.

“Coaches, counselors and therapists”
Learn my unique therapeutic tool which helps clients to make radically fast behavioral and emotional changes without reliving trauma and without months or years of talk or emotional or psychological dependence upon the therapist.

Follow me on Twitter– You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert.

How to reduce and overcome anxiety immediately”
 We automatically think of anxiety only in terms of the physical experience without giving credence to the psychological component. Anxiety has its roots both in the hardwired response to threats and our thought process. Learn how to reduce anxiety now. Watch my video here.

Now, let’s talk about the lies and the truth about modern men based on a new survey of the 21st century man.

It’s good news for women who have been calling for gender equality.

The modern man is truly modern and evolving according to a new nationwide survey.

However, yet again, the media chose to twist and lie about the survey findings with the intention of making men look bad, inadequate, selfish and unevolved.

The Shriver Report Snapshot: An Insight Into the 21st Century Man, was quickly snapped up and twisted by the media to portray men as wanting to control their partner while hypocritically encouraging independence in their daughters.

“…according to the results from a new survey, it’s still pretty bleak out there, double-standard-wise” writes Sarah Jacoby on MSN, while The Washington Post publishes “The disturbing differences in what men want in their wives and their daughters” by Danielle Pacquette.

What is this “disturbing” and “most depressing” finding?

I will reveal that in a moment as well as expose it as a distortion and manipulation of the actual survey findings and truth, particularly when the Shriver Report Snapshot boasts that its own survey about the 21st Century man reveals “stereotype-cracking discoveries.”

As I will elaborate, the above mentioned articles are 2 examples of how these writers twisted the actual findings, omitted other critically positive findings of the 21st century man and completely misunderstand (either deliberately or out of ignorance) the roles people play in relationships and thus the qualities each of us seeks or prefers in our partners and in our children.

For example, the survey of 818 American men over the age of 18 reveals that:

  • 72 % of men surveyed stated the primary quality they want in a partner is Intelligence, followed by
  • Attractiveness 45%
  • Independence 34%
  • Sweetness 34%

For their daughters:

  • 81 % of men stated they wish them to grow up with intelligence, followed by
  • Independence 66%
  • Strength 48%
  • Principled 35%

This is not a shocking expectation or preference: an intelligent parent knows that for a child to succeed when growing up, leaving home and entering the unsheltered world and workforce – he, or she, must be intelligent, independent, strong and principled. This is part of a basic formula for success and is not necessarily gender specific.

Why would anyone expect that a man would want the same qualities in his daughter as he would want in his life partner or wife?

A marriage is a partnership and equal relationship; a father and daughter are not life partners nor are they in a romantic committed relationship; they are also not going to raise children together. Thus, the dynamics of each relationship are different, extremely different.

Yes. I am stating the blaring obvious, yet it was not obvious to Danielle Pacquette or Sarah Jacoby.

I will also reiterate here that the primary intention of the media is to shock, provoke and create conflict. By doing so, the media is able to drive more traffic to website and webpages, drive larger audiences to TV and radio shows. And the easiest way to boost audience numbers is to attack men as there will be very few repercussions. If these same writers were to attack women by twisting survey findings, the repercussions would be huge and the writers would be quickly condemned en masse.

Here is another example of the way the truth was distorted:
‘When asked what qualities they want in in a wife, American heterosexual men said they value “attractive” and “sweet” women, a national survey recently found. Only 34 percent, however, said they wanted a romantic partner who is “independent”’ writes Danielle Pacquette in the Washington Post. 

This is the first paragraph to her article and what Danielle Pacquette deliberately fails to tell you is that men rated independence and sweetness equally – both at 34%. Therefore it is a blatant lie to say or imply that men in this survey preferred a sweet woman over an independent woman! No. They rated both traits equally – 34%.

Also, Danielle Pacquette deliberately fails to tell you, in her opening paragraph, that men rated Intelligence as the primary trait they want in a wife or female partner. Nowhere in her article does she mention that Intelligence was deemed by men as the most prized trait in this survey.

Further, both articles condemn men for not making Independence the primary quality they want in a wife/female partner. Yet, again, the writers fail to mention that men placed Independence in the top 3 qualities they want in their wife or female partner.

As mentioned earlier, the writers omitted from their articles numerous critical findings from the survey.

Here are 7 insightful and meaningful findings from The Shriver Report Snapshot: An Insight Into the 21st Century Man:

1. Family first – today’s man values personal success with family over financial achievement!
“The 21st Century Man characterizes the achievement of the American Dream as personal success with family and being a good father, husband, son or friend over financial independence, professional success or leaving a legacy. 3 in 5 of today’s men named personal achievement at home as the marker of success, with financial success coming in second at only 24%.”

2. Being a present partner is more important than being a provider – say young men
The new generation of males is evolving: younger men (18-49) are saying that being a present partner is more important than being a provider; older men (over 50) said the opposite.

3. Personal character and integrity are signs of strength – physical strength no longer is a defining characteristic for men
Interesting that the authors choose to leave this finding out of their article – “Character, Integrity and the Shift from Mad Man to the Emotionally Intelligent Family Man… 68% of today’s men say having a strong personal character and sense of integrity are the most important ways to exhibit strength in today’s world.”

4. Multiple indicators of gender equality
Most men are comfortable with a female president, with a wife or partner working outside of the home, making more money than they do, and with having a female boss at work. “However, men do not show a similarly high degree of comfort with other situations, particularly taking on the role of a stay-at-home dad.”

5. It’s hard to be a man today
Men are more likely to report that it is harder rather than easier to be a man in their generation compared with their father’s generation. [45% to 20%]

“In my dad’s day, women stayed home and the men worked. Now, both men and women work in the same area as men do, so it’s hard for us to be men.”

“With the blending of the gender roles and the fact that society is not dependent upon physical labor as much as it used to be, the traditional roles that men play have been dismissed.”

“If you stand up as a man, it is taken as putting females down. No more ‘Man of the House.’”

“Each generation has its challenges. In the past, it was men conforming to rigid role expectations. In our generation, a man has more challenges finding his own way.”

6. Dads are a strong male role model – not the media, sports icons or celebrities
64% disagree with the statement that popular American film and television has strongly influenced the way they think about being a man.

7. Parents do influence and help men to become the man they want to be
83% of men reported that their mothers had a positive impact not a negative impact in shaping them into the man they want to be. 74% of men reported their fathers had a positive influence.

More than half the men reported that they are generally more concerned about making good impressions and earning the respect of other men than earning the respect of women.

Finally, here is a key finding for women: if you want more sex with your husband or boyfriend, let him be masculine. “73% agree that the more masculine they feel, the more sexual confidence they have.”

You can download and read the entire survey The Shriver Report Snapshot: An Insight Into The 21st Century Man here. [The original PDF was removed from the website but it has been saved and archived here.  You can read another summary of the survey here. ]

Also, read my article “How stupid are men?” about the way the media, TV, and advertising portray men as bumbling buffoons!

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist

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