Quiz – Are You An Emotional Hoarder?

Quiz - Are you an Emotional Hoarder?

Quiz – Are you an Emotional Hoarder?

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to share my quiz to help you find out if you are an emotional hoarder.

First a quick update:

“Is a lie a lie”
In my newsletter “Men are evolving despite the lies” I revealed the results of a “groundbreaking survey” of men; I also called out 2 reporters for lying about the findings – men actually want an intelligent woman first, not an attractive woman first. However, one reader didn’t like that I labeled the lie as a lie! Read the comment and my response.

“Coaches, counselors and therapists”
Learn my unique therapeutic tool which helps clients to make radically fast behavioral and emotional changes without reliving trauma and without months or years of talk or emotional or psychological dependence upon the therapist.

Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert

Why do you always need to be right?”
All of us, have at one time or another argued to make our point or win an argument. However, some people believe that they must be right all of the time. What causes this behavior? Watch my video here.

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Now, let’s talk about my quiz to help you determine if you are an emotional hoarder.

Hoarding disorder” is a persistent difficulty discarding or parting with possessions because of a perceived need to save them. A person with hoarding disorder experiences distress at the thought of getting rid of the items. Excessive accumulation of items, regardless of actual value, occurs.”

In the same way that physical hoarders accumulate physical, tangible stuff, emotional hoarders accumulate emotional stuff.

Physical hoarders create severe emotional attachments to inanimate objects (and sometimes to animals); emotional hoarders create severe emotional attachments to memories and past events.

Both forms of hoarding are crippling emotionally and psychologically, and both forms of hoarding damage and sabotage relationships; both forms cripple your life and prevent you from enjoying life now.

Here is a simple quiz to help you determine if you are an emotional hoarder. Answer the questions first, and then scroll down to determine your score and its meaning.

Quiz: Are you an emotional hoarder?
1. How do you describe your dominant emotion or emotions? List them
2. Do you constantly think of things in the past which then trigger negative emotions?
3. Is your sleep interrupted by negative emotions or negative thoughts? For example, do you wake up during the night thinking about something that someone has done to you or something that happened to you?
4. When something goes wrong, for how long do you feel sadness, anger, aggression, disappointment, guilt or shame?
5. When something goes wrong, what action do you take to remedy the situation?
6. How often do you experience these emotions – anger, resentment, hurt, jealousy, envy, bitterness, greed, negativity, grudges, revenge, guilt, shame, regret, remorse, fear?
7. Is there one event which, when you think about it, you experience any of the emotions listed in Question 6?
8. Is there one person whom, when you think about him/her, you experience any of the emotions listed in Question 6?
9. Is there a person whom you describe as unforgivable?
10. For how long (how many years) have you carried the belief and conclusion that this person is unforgivable?
11. Do you or have you withdrawn from activities that were once pleasurable?
12. Do your parents (or did they) hold onto grudges and often bring up past mistakes or wrongdoings?
13. What is your earliest memory of holding onto a grudge? What age were you?
14. Which do you think the most about – a current relationship or a past relationship?
15. Which makes you feel safer – the past or the present?

Results and meaning of my quiz on emotional hoarding:

1. Are your dominant emotions, negative emotions? How do you describe your dominant emotion or emotions? List them. If your dominant emotion or emotions are negative, then add 5 points.
2. Do you constantly think of things in the past which then trigger negative emotions? If yes, add 5 points.
3. Is your sleep interrupted by negative emotions or negative thoughts? For example, do you wake up during the night thinking about something that someone has done to you or something that happened to you? If you answered with “yes”, add 5 points. If you wake up with negative thoughts or feelings on a regular basis, add 10 points.
4. When something goes wrong, for how long do you feel sadness, anger, aggression, disappointment, guilt or shame? A few days, a long time or ‘I can’t let go’? If you answered with “a long time” add 5 points; if you answered with “I can’t let go” add 10 points.
5. When something goes wrong, what action do you take to remedy the situation? If you answered that you take no action, add 5 points.
6. How often do you experience these emotions – anger, resentment, hurt, jealousy, envy, bitterness, greed, negativity, grudges, revenge, guilt, shame, regret, remorse, fear? Daily, weekly or constantly? If you answered with ‘daily’, add 10 points; if you answered with weekly add 5 points; if you answered with ‘constantly’, add 15 points.
7. Is there one event which, when you think about it, you experience any of the emotions listed in Question 6? If you answered with “yes”, add 5 points.
8. Is there one person whom, when you think about him/her, you experience any of the emotions listed in Question 6? If you answered with “yes”, add 5 points.
9. Is there a person whom you describe as unforgivable? If you answered with “yes”, add 10 points.
10. For how long (how many years) have you carried the belief and conclusion that this person is unforgivable? A few years or many years? If you answered with “a few years” add 5 points; if you answered with “many years”, add 10 points.
11. Do you or have you withdrawn from activities that were once pleasurable? If you answered with “yes”, add 5 points.
12. Do your parents (or did they) hold onto grudges and often bring up past mistakes or wrongdoings? If you answered with “yes”, add 5 points.
13. What is your earliest memory of holding onto a grudge? What age were you? If you answered with age 10-15 years, add 5 points.
14. Which do you think the most about – a current relationship or a past relationship? If you answered with “past relationship”, add 5 points.
15. Which makes you feel safer – the past or the present? If you answered with “the past”, add 5 points.

Your score:
0 – 30 Points: You are adept at letting go of hurts and the past
35 – 70 Points: You are a selective emotional hoarder and you need to identify the things that you need to let go and get rid of
75 Points: You are definitely an emotional hoarder
75 -105 Points: Emotional hoarding is most likely crippling your life and preventing you from truly enjoying your life

If you scored 75 points and above, then consider taking action now to let go of those things that are sabotaging your life – the feelings, perceptions and interpretations of things that have happened in your life. You can book a session with me for help and resolution, click here. 

In next week’s Success Newsletter, I offer 4 steps to help you to overcome emotional hoarding.

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
www.patrickwanis.com

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3 replies
  1. Avatar
    kathy says:

    hi dr wanis,
    i have learned so much and greatly enjoyed your newsletter for yrs.
    i was really tuned into this one..as i am a physical hoarder..like a 2 on a 5 pt scale but it bothers me and i feel disorganized and bothered by the fact that i have great diffiulclty ridding myslef of lots of papers and clothes and general orgainzing…i am grateful to NOT be an emotional hoarder…thats sounds tough..

    but i am annoyed i cannot get myself to organize my condo..ive struggled for yrs with this…i have called it…ADULT ADD OR ADHD,,OR JUST A POOR HOUSEKEEPER…

    BUT I WONDERED CAN YOU EXPLAIN HOW TO GET OVER AND RESOLVE THIS OR SOME TIPS I CAN WORK WITH TO HELP ME?? OR REASONS?

    I DO NOTICE THAT WHEN I HAVE GOT A BIT OR ORGANIZATION UNDER MY BELT..I FEEL GOOD BUT THEN FEEL PRESSURE TO KEEP IT THAT WAY AND I GET A LITTLE OCD-ISH ABOUT THE HOUSE..AND SINCE THATS ..TO MUCH PRESSURE ..ITS EASIER TO LET IT ALL GO AGAIN AND BE LAID BACK ABOUT IT.

    NOW I DONT COLLECT ANIMALS OR HAVE PILES CEILING HIGH..BUT CLUTTER…MY SON IS 21 AND ONLY CHILD..WHO I ADORE HE IS WONDERFUL A SUCCESSFUL GRADUATION STUDENT FROM VILLANOVA UNIV NEXT WEEK…IVE BEEN DIVORCED FOR 16 YRS BUT MY FORMER SPOUSE IN A GOOD MAN AND WE WORK TOGETHER ON ALL OUR SONS LIFE MATTERS.

    I DID GROW UP WITH AN EMOTIONALLY AND VERBALY ABUSIVE MOTHER,,I BELIEVE AFTER READING YOUR QUIZ SHE GREW UP POOR IN A TOUGH HOUSHOLD..WITH AN ALCOHO.LIC DAD..AND BROUGHT A LOT OT THE PAST UP..

    BUT SHE WAS ROUGH ON ME..I AM FORTUANTE TO BE VERY FAITHFILLED AND HAVE TAKEN CARE OF HER MY WHOLE LIFE NOW SHE IS 88 ALZHEIMERS IN NURS HOME..I HAVE NO ISSUE WITH CARING FOR ALL HER NEEDS…

    BUT SHE CHOPPED ME DOWN AS LONG AS SHE COULD TALK…..I ALSO SEEM TO PICK SORT OF LOSERS TO DATE AND I WONDER IF ITS BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO COMMIT…DONT KNW..

    BUT I COULD USE HELP WITH ADVICE ON THE PHYSICAL HOARDING…

    CAN YOU GIVE ME SOME INFO TO RESOLVE…I HAVE HEALTH INS AND DREAD SEEMING A THEREPISTS AS ITS ONE MORE THING TO FIT INTO AN ALREADY BUSY LIFE…

    WHATCHA THINK..THANKS SO MUCH AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A FABULOUS DAY.

    Best,
    Kathy Peloquin

    • Avatar
      Patrick Wanis says:

      Dear Kathy,
      While both forms of hoarding represent the inability to let go, physical hoarding is often the result of stress, trauma and anxiety. Thus the physical hoarder finds comfort in the safety and security of the possessions and tends to isolate him/herself. He/she also doesn’t trust anyone (including him/herself) and accordingly suffers from anxiety and indecisiveness. I will write an article on the physical hoarder.
      Meanwhile, may I offer this to you as help?
      https://patrickwanis.com/blog/srtt-digital-interactive-therapy-session/
      Password: patricksentmethis
      It is a digital interactive therapy session that I have created. It is free and will only be available for free for a short while.
      You can think of a specific time that your mother was chopping you down and use that as the springboard for the session. Once you begin to play the audio program, it will give you all of the necessary instructions. Let me know how it goes.
      All the best,
      Patrick

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