Mothers: Your Child Needs You More Than You Need A Selfie or FB!

Mothers: Your Child Needs You More Than You Need A Selfie or FB!

Mothers: Your Child Needs You More Than You Need A Selfie or Facebook!

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the trend and impact of mothers who are engaging in narcissistic behavior and devoting more time and attention to their phones than to their children.

First a quick update:

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Jim Carrey WOKE, crazy, depressed or Andy Kaufman?
In a bizarre interview in 2017, Jim Carrey, told the reporter that she and he don’t exist and that what she does is meaningless. However, in 2018, he is painting and starring in a new series on Showtime. What has happened to Jim Carrey? Why does he look so sad and unfulfilled? Watch the video where he reveals his deepest issue of believing he is worthless

Now, let’s talk about the trend and impact of mothers who are engaging in narcissistic behavior and devoting more time and attention to their phones than to their children.

“Another toddler has been hit and killed by a car in China, while his mother, oblivious to her child’s tragedy, checked her phone nearby. A video shows the grisly moment an SUV runs over the child as her mother appears distracted by the phone.”

I see it constantly in public areas, the beach and even the pool: a woman completely consumed by her phone while her children are playing nearby.

In one incident, two mothers were taking photos and videos of each other twerking while their children (ages 5-8) were in the pool.

Some mothers claim that they have a right to be on their phone, to do business or answer ‘important’ messages or emails. I am not referring here to intermittent use of the phone; I am referring to those mothers who choose to give more attention, significance and time to their phone than to their children.
I am referring to the mothers who are more interested in getting attention and social media likes than they are in giving their attention to their children. I am referring to the narcissistic mothers who are obsessed with posting selfies for approval and validation.

“I don’t like the phone because my [parents] are on their phone every day … I hate my mom’s phone and I wish she never had one.”
– Second grade student from Louisiana

Children need attention, significance, validation, reinforcement, sincere interest and concern, time, encouragement, companionship, guidance, discipline, approval, acceptance, interaction, support, understanding, patience, bonding, connection and a healthy role model.

How can they get these needs met when a mother chooses her phone over her child on a regular, daily basis?

Children are negatively impacted by a lack of attention and by being ignored
Children define love as attention. And the type of attention or lack of attention they get will determine their concept of worthiness and love. Further, being ignored is even more damaging because the child concludes that he/she is not worthy of being noticed or loved and believes that he/she is not good enough, and will potentially become desperate for attention later in life or will simply suffer from depression and feelings of worthlessness.

The child will also subconsciously absorb the mother’s desperation, insecurity and anxiety, and will conclude that women are selfish, and will either resent women or become a selfish, insecure, desperate woman like her mother. The ignored child will also learn that self-worth and self-value come only from getting approval and ‘likes’ from others, and thus, will become miserable and empty on the inside.

“We had a class discussion about Facebook and every single one of the students said their parents spend more time on FB then they do talking to their child. It was very eye opening for me.”
– Abbey Fauntleroy

Researchers have named the behavior of giving more attention to the phone and computers than to the child as ‘technoference’ – the interference by technology of the parent-child interaction 3 times or more a day. Researchers reveal that it is also causing internal and external behavioral problems for children:

“Maternal and paternal problematic digital technology use predicted greater technoference in mother-child and father-child interactions; then, maternal technoference predicted both mothers’ and fathers’ reports of child externalizing and internalizing behaviors. Results suggest that technological interruptions are associated with child problem behaviors, but directionality and transactional processes should be examined in future longitudinal studies.”

“I’ve noticed if he [2-year-old son] and I are playing and my phone rings for something at work, he has nothing to do with me after I get off the phone.”
– Beau Stermer

Why is this happening?
We are placing significance and meaning only on the individual, and ignoring the value of families and parents spending quantity and quality time with their children.

Further, women have become victim of Facebook and other forms of social media as the primary source of their significance, validation, self-worth and self-image. They are controlled by doses of the intoxicating yet empty narcotic of external validation and reinforcement. They are manipulated by society to become whatever society expects and demands of them, all the while ignoring their children who will pay the price both now and later in life who will suffer from psychological and relationship issues.

“I see so many parents accompanying their children along scenic byways. But are they calling attention to the neat things to see on the journey? No, the majority are busy on their smart phones and ignoring the children.”
– Norm De Lue

“She ignores us with a ‘Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?’, whilst staring at her phone. We even say what we wanted to say after the ‘Hmm?’, but nope. No further response after. And if any of us increase our voices; ‘Mum?! Mum?! Omg, can you please stop for a while and look at us and speak?’ She scolds us right away; ‘JUST WAIT! I’m doing something!’”
– Needa Seff

The solution
Simple: make the child the priority over your phone. Give lots of undivided attention to your child. Block out separate times for business and social media posting; don’t do it when you are supposed to be devoting time, love and attention to your child. Consider the way you believe you need attention; now understand and remember that your children really need your attention and they define love as attention.

If you need personal help to resolve other issues which are causing you to be controlled or manipulated by the need for approval by social media or others, book a one-on-one session with me.

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist

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