On Valentine’s Day, we expect our partner to show and prove to us the depth of their love, and if he or she doesn’t or if we are single or alone, Valentine’s can be a devastating day.
“We often create our own loneliness”, says Patrick Wanis PhD, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert and author of “Find Love Fast” and “Get Over It.” We close up, shut down, stop trusting or simply lock ourselves inside the house and do fake talk on the internet. Our attitude can shun away others and cause loneliness. For example, if you are a woman, stop trying to be so independent that no man wants to be around you because he feels you don’t need him at all.”
Dr. Wanis says we must take action to experience love and says there are five simple steps to overcoming loneliness:
1: RECOGNIZE that you are feeling or experiencing loneliness. Some people create a pattern and lifestyle where they have become so independent yet unhappy, that they fail to recognize that the cause of their unhappiness is because they have isolated themselves from the world.
2: IDENTIFY the source and origin of your loneliness. A loss, a breakup, major life change such as a move? Have you shut down because of a past hurt or betrayal? Also, ask yourself: “What do I believe about myself, about my self-worth? Do I trust myself and/or others?”
3: CLEAR the cause of the loneliness i.e. the event that created it and the painful feelings and beliefs associated with that event. Forgive.
4: ACCEPTANCE and HOPE. Accept what has happened in the past and accept that life might be different now; it might never even be the same again as it once was, but, it can still be enjoyable, exciting and adventurous.
5: TAKE ACTION. Beware though that faceless action with other people via technology does not equal the action necessary to conquer loneliness. Get out of the house and connect with people on an emotional level in person.
- Stop trying to do everything on your own; allow others to help and support you; ease the reins of control – stop being overly controlling
- If you are a woman, stop trying to be so independent that no man wants to be around you because he feels you don’t need him at all
- If you are a man, learn to be more flexible and patient; accept that women need open dialogue and communication in a relationship
- Identify the ways you feed the loneliness – addictions, social withdrawal, self-pity, critical and judgmental attitudes towards others; (remember if you keep telling yourself that people are bad and you keep looking for flaws, you will lose all motivation to connect with others and you will only meet the types of people you condemn)
- Join groups at your church, synagogue or congregation
- Volunteer time and do charity work; express kindness and affection (when you feel needed and valued you will gain more inspiration and confidence to get out and meet more people and to give others a chance in your life)
- Start a conversation with new people – yes with a stranger –
- When meeting people, remember to ask questions and express sincere interest in the other person; don’t just talk about yourself or cry for pity, otherwise you will get the pity but you will lose a potential friend
- Join a club based around your hobbies, interests, etc.
- Invite people over for small gatherings – coffee, tea, etc.
- Find a new purpose (if there has been dramatic changes in your life and you need to reevaluate your identity and role)
- Beware of continually choosing comfort (i.e. watching television, laying on the couch) and choose to step out and try new things; focus on the pleasure of the possible reward and benefit of the new adventure
- Build self-confidence (every time you have a small success, you raise your self-confidence)
- Bring closure and inner resolution to your old relationships
- Finally, become childlike about life; remembering that when you were a child and you fell or hurt yourself, you got up and tried again until you got it right!
Originally from Australia, Patrick Wanis PhD, is a Celebrity Life-Coach, Author, Expert in Human Behavior and Relationships and a Clinical Hypnotherapist with a PhD in Health Psychology, human behavior & hypnosis. Wanis has appeared on FOX News, MSNBC, Extra, Mike and Juliet show, Mun2, CNN.com, XM radio, Date.com, Matchmaker.com, E!, Vh1, Cosmo, Dating on Demand, Rolling Stone, InTouch Weekly, National Enquirer, Natural Awakenings, Us Weekly, OK Magazine, and more. Wanis is the first person ever to do Clinical Hypnotherapy on national television. WGN Chicago and Syndicated TV show, “The Daily Buzz” anointed him “The Woman Expert” and FOX News pronounced him “A voice for women.” Over five million people have read Wanis’ books in English and Spanish. www.patrickwanis.com
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.