In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about the significance of valuing yourself.
First a quick update:
Listen to my hour-long controversial interview with Professor Jean Twenge from San Diego State University as we discuss and debate narcissism, self-love and self-esteem.
Now let’s talk about your value.
In many articles and interviews, I have referred to what I call the Law of Deservedness: you get only what you subconsciously believe you deserve and no more and if you do get more you will push it away or sabotage it. Here now is another way to view this point: how much do you value yourself?
“If you had a million-dollar racehorse, would you feed it junk food, lots of alcohol and let it stay out all night? Would you allow anyone to ride it or would you carefully choose who could ride it? Would you allow people to come into its stable and throw trash everywhere? Obviously, not, so why do you let people treat you like trash? Are you not worth more than a million dollars?”-from my book, “Get What You Want!”
We often seek ways to blame others for the way they treat us and yet we do not realize that we directly or indirectly teach and train others about the way we want to be treated. In the worst relationship I ever had, my then girlfriend treated me like trash, and each time that she asked me to give her another chance, I did. The pattern though did not get better. In fact, her treatment of me only worsened. Why? The more chances I gave her and the more poor treatment and disrespect I accepted (lying, cheating, manipulating, criticism and selfishness) the more accustomed she became to acting that way towards me. One time, it was her birthday and she ignored my numerous calls because she was speaking to her ex-boyfriend. When I asked her about why she chose to do that she simply replied with, “I thought you would understand.” What she was really saying was, “I thought you would accept whatever I do” -and that was the essence of the relationship.
Did I love her? Yes. Did I care about her? Yes. Did I have compassion for her painful childhood, her low self-esteem and insecurities? Yes. But I had not set the limit. I had not set a value for myself. It was obvious that I was saying by my actions: You are more important than me, you can do whatever you want with me and to me, I do not value myself, I do not respect myself.
I believe that each person must take responsibility for their own actions. We have no control over what other people will do but we do influence them and we can say, “No more.” That also means, we do not need to change other people, we simply need to say, “You can be you, but I will no longer allow you to treat me this way.”
I teach that our thoughts and feelings determine our reality and our success. I also teach that we must take action, and that action can also affect and change our thoughts and beliefs. For example, the more you allow someone to treat you badly, the worse you will feel. The more you can say “no” to the things you do not want in life, the stronger and more confident you will feel. This principle applies in every area of our lives, in every relationship – romantic, social and business: set your limits. Value yourself.
Do you value yourself? Do you respect your body or do you feed it harmful things – junk food, drugs and alcohol? Do you respect your mind or do you feed it with junk – negative, dark thoughts and information? Do you respect your body and soul or do you allow people to do what they will with your body to get them to like you? Do you respect your soul or do you allow people to shoot holes into you by treating you poorly – criticizing, condemning and judging you or blaming you for who they are and how they act? Do you love and value yourself enough to say “No” or “Stop” when you are being destroyed? Do you love yourself enough to walk away when someone does not express love in the way you need?
If you have subconscious beliefs that you are not valuable, significant or good enough, then you need to work on changing those beliefs at a subconscious level. Meanwhile, begin now to take action that lifts you, empowers you and make you feel better about yourself, not worse!
Stop beating yourself up, forgive yourself for whatever you feel you did or didn’t do and start to value yourself!
Get clear about what you want and how to get it: read/listen to my book “Get What You Want!”.
Remember to check out my Blog on my website to read my past Success Newsletters, post your comments and take a few exciting quizzes. If you have received this newsletter as a forward and would like to receive all of my newsletters please enter your email address on the home page.
I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.