In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the ways to achieve the greatest victory – to conquer oneself.
First a quick update:
“Cognitive Dissonance and what cult members suffer from denial”
Understand why people find it difficult to admit being duped by a cult, guru, teacher or a scam; learn about the sense of shame, and the experience of Cognitive Dissonance.
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Now, let’s talk about the ways to achieve the greatest victory – to conquer oneself.
What is the greatest obstacle between you and happiness?
What is the greatest obstacle between you and success (whatever your definition might be)?
What is the greatest obstacle between you and inner peace?
The answer is the same for all 3 questions above:
Ultimately, it is a conflict between your subconscious perception & beliefs about yourself & the world and what you consciously desire.
It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.” – Edmund Hillary (the first to reach the peak of Mt. Everest, along with fellow climber Tenzing Norgay)
Those subconscious beliefs determine what action you will take, how you will show up and interact with the world, the relationships you form and nourish and whether or not you will sabotage your success or not.
Another way to look at this is “What’s EAT-ing you?”
In other words, what are your dominant Emotions, dominant Attitude and dominant Thoughts?
E – Emotions
A – Attitude
T – Thoughts
Either you conquer and control your emotions, thoughts and attitude, or, they conquer and sabotage you.
“The first and best victory is to conquer self. To be conquered by self is, of all things, the most shameful and objectionable / vile.” – Plato, Ancient Greek Philosopher 428 BC – 348 BC
Before looking at ways to conquer yourself, consider first, who or what is the “self”; what is the real you and what is the false you?
This is not a question that is quickly answered as it enters the arena of existentialism but it might help for you to consider it this way:
The real you or true self is your original self – open, loving and understanding believing in possibilities while the false self is the conditioned mind – the personality (thoughts, emotions, attitudes and fear) that you learned to be in order to survive.
Thus, to truly conquer oneself, you must return to your original self. That occurs when you can transform your thoughts, emotions and attitudes, and let go of fear.
Of course, this is a process that requires identifying your core beliefs and core emotions; the beliefs, emotions and attitudes that prevent you from being, doing and having what you want.
However, there are also specific actions you can take to help you conquer yourself.
1. Self-control – say No
Self-control is the ability to exercise restraint over one’s own impulses, emotions and actions. I sum up “self-control” as the ability to say “No.” In other words, saying “No” to yourself, so that your weaknesses and limitations do not control you.
2. Self-discipline – say Yes
Self-discipline is the ability to pursue what one thinks is right despite temptations to abandon it. I sum up “self-discipline” as the ability to say “Yes” to the things you know you need to do – in spite of what you feel, in spite of your initial response of feeling uncomfortable.
3. Delay Instant Gratification
It is easy to give into instant gratification because we think about the immediate benefit; to conquer instant gratification, focus on the long term consequences of giving into it and, the benefits and rewards of delaying gratification. And if you make a mistake, and if you give in, don’t beat yourself up, focus on the next challenge: “I will do better next time.”
4. Overcome the voice of self-doubt & self-criticism – The Great Trickster
Have you seen the film “The Wizard of Oz”? Don’t listen to the man behind the curtain! Every one of us has some self-doubt or a voice in our heads that limits us with thoughts such as “You can’t do it…you’re not good enough…you don’t deserve it…etc.” This voice sometimes referred to as the inner chatterbox – also known as The Great Trickster – is the critical voice that generates fear. You can conquer The Great Trickster by surrounding yourself with people who believe in you and are supportive, and, above all, by observing the thoughts. That means, disassociate yourself from those thoughts. Watch them from a distance and they will have less power over you.
Also, read my article on conquering self-doubt.
5. Stay on the path
Do you know what you want? Do you know where you are going? Focus on your goals and remember, nothing is neutral – every action either draws you closer to your goal or further away from it. Take one step or action each day that works towards achieving your goal. Always do the toughest thing first – and do it in the morning. If you delay it, it will control you and you will put it off and you will procrastinate.
6. Tame the Ego
There is extraordinary power and freedom when you are willing to ask for help & support in whatever form you need it. It takes strength to admit vulnerability. Determine where you need help, be specific and ask others to help you.
7. Embrace radical honesty
Be willing and open to receiving criticism and feedback so you can learn and grow. You won’t always win, but you can always learn! Beware of being ruined by false praise. However, also beware of using criticism to stop you or using it as an excuse to give up. Never give up!
8. Feed your mind and soul
Spend just a few minutes each day reading inspirational material. Remember, you are thinking all the time, so why not think about things that motivate you to be, do and have what you want?
9. Take action now
There is a mantra I use that supports me in being self-disciplined: “Do it now!” And when I don’t feel like doing it, I say it to myself until I suddenly begin to do it!
10. Do the right thing
Responsibility is such an important component of success and inner peace. Responsibility and duty involve doing what you know is right, even when it is not comfortable or fun.
The ultimate goal is to arrive at a place of power and dominion over oneself, to become inwardly strong; when you conquer yourself, you become the mightiest warrior.
You can do it!
And if you need help to break past fear and gain emotional strength, consider a one-on-one private session with me. Watch the video here.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.