What do men want?

What do men want?

What do men want?

Originally Published in RU Magazine Texas

What do men want?

From the book, “Get the man you WANT!” ©WOW Media  By Patrick Wanis,

PhD -Human Behavior & Relationship Expert and Celebrity Life Coach

There’s an old joke that compares men with women: How to seduce a woman: Compliment her, respect her, honor her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, hold her, go to the ends of the Earth for her. How to seduce a man: Show up naked. Bring food. But is that truly all a man wants -just sex and food? And do women want that much?

In last month’s issue I explained that women ultimately want to feel special and thus want four things:

  1. Listen, pay attention to me, and BE with me
  2. Be understanding and empathetic, and give me less advice
  3. Hold me, cherish me, show me that I am the one, the only one for you
  4. Don’t take my body for granted and don’t touch me sexually 24 hours of the day

So, now, let’s look at some of the beliefs and myths about what type of woman attracts a man. Is it a sexy, beautiful or intelligent woman? Take the quiz and then compare your answers below. Rate in importance each quality based on what you believe a woman wants e.g. if you believe that Sense of humor is the most important quality to a man, put the number 1 next to it.

Sexual prowess
Physically Hot mamma
Nurturing woman
Passive, docile
Financially independent
Fun, lively, personality, sense of humor
Strong, controlling

The myths and the truths
Contrary to popular belief, there is no one singular quality that every man desires in a woman. Whichever way you rated the above qualities is only a reflection of the qualities that are important to you in a woman or your belief about what men want in a woman. However, having said that, a sense of humor will be an important quality for the longevity of a relationship.  The rating of the qualities is also dependent on the stage of life of each man. For example, a young man in his early twenties, who doesn’t want a serious relationship, let alone marriage, may just be seeking out a woman that is physically hot and offers sexual prowess. On the other hand, a divorced man in his thirties who now wants children may seek out a woman who is nurturing and a good mother & housekeeper to begin a family.  Are you still confused and wondering:


There are four key things that a man wants in a woman….

1. Men want their woman to look good
They want her to be well groomed and take pride in what she wears, her physical shape and appearance. Remember, that too many women once they feel secure in a relationship tend to ignore their appearance. They do this because their priorities change. When they were single, one of their priorities was to look good and win a man, a husband or partner. Once they become a mother, they place their emphasis on motherhood and how the children look and are dressed. They forget about the needs and desires of their partner, and they forget that their appearance is important to their man.

2. Pay attention and do with me
A woman’s identity will change once she becomes a mother –her role will change and thus she will respond differently to her man. This is further compounded if she is both a mother and workingwoman since she now has added responsibilities. Accordingly, she will tend to neglect her husband. Her time and energy is limited and she will give it first to her children, second to her job or career and last to her man or husband. It is also common that women will tend to take their man for granted and may even lose appreciation for his contribution as dad, husband and provider. Too many women forget that their man too has needs, and one of them is her attention and recognition. A man may get married and have children but he still craves activities performed together as a couple.

3. Regular and exciting sex
Many women lose interest in sex as the relationship evolves. This may be due to various factors such as stress, lack of time, added responsibilities with the children and hormonal changes. The man though still wants sex to be regular and exciting. The key is to schedule time alone for the both of you. Make a date, just as you did when you were courting.

4. Treat me like a king
In the same way that women want to feel special, men want to know that they are king. In other words, men want to be treated with respect. They want their opinions and decisions to be heard and given credence. And even when there are children in the relationship, men still want to be a priority. They want their woman to get excited when she sees him. Men want the excitement of the courting days to continue. If the man is to be treated like king it will depend on whether the woman wants to do this, and if the man knows how to stimulate and motivate her. The key is to give the woman what she wants –make her feel special and she will find the way to treat the man like a king!

BIG tip

For the ladies, here is million dollar advice: let the man be a man!
What does that mean?
Let him lead and be a protector. That does not mean he controls you, tells you what to do or makes your decisions for you, it simply means you allow him to open doors, hold your hand as you walk down stairs when you are wearing high heels, fix things for you and occasionally ask for his advice and help. And remember, say “Thank you”!

In my book, “Get the man you WANT!” ©WOW Media, I explain in detail the male psyche, relationships, the male fear of commitment (what it is and how to handle it) and I share strategies and techniques to help you to change what you believe about yourself so that you will only accept the best and you will get the best.

Patrick Wanis’ book “Get the man you WANT!” ©WOW Media, is available as an audio book. www.patrickwanis.com and click on CDs – Audio Books

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4 replies
  1. Avatar
    JANET GEYER says:

    I’m seventy now…Wish I had learned at home, broken at early age,and then wish I had you to learn from.
    Raised four children. Only one is married (10years). The rest are too scared I think as they were unfortunately in the middle of three terrible marriages.
    All children have good, stable, jobs. But all have had disastrous relationships.
    My heart aches for them….and for myself as I’ll never be able to have a good male relationship.

    • Avatar
      Patrick Wanis says:

      Dear Janet,

      It sounds like you have truly suffered and now you feel as if there is no hope. The latter is not true. Yes, you may have lost many years but you can still have and allow love into your life and you can still allow yourself to love and be loved. Please email me via the contact page and I would like to give you a gift of my brand new program “The Law of Deservedness” – it’s a 6- module audio series that will help transform you to accept the best and feel and believe that you deserve it.

      Remember, we don’t need to learn anything new, we need to unlearn everything that we have ever been taught” i.e. the lies and negative programming!

      All the best,

  2. Avatar
    Patrick says:

    Dear Jana,

    thanks for opening up and sharing your story and your feelings so freely.
    Unfortunately, you feel that your boyfriend’s lack of responsiveness is your fault – and it is not. No matter how you treat him, if he doesn’t want or is scared of a relationship, it will not work. Notice also, how you are doing all the giving and not receiving? You already have identified his problems and if he doesn’t wish to change, then you are right to move forward.

    Now, let’s talk about you!

    What is in your consciousness or subconscious beliefs that attracted you to someone that doesn’t give to you? What will it take for you to truly, deeply believe and feel that you deserve to recieve? Did you receive love, affection, attention, gifts etc as a child? If not, you might subconsicously believe that this is your plight. May i suggest:

    1. you start to gently affirm “I an excellent receiver” or something similar that appeals to you.
    2. imagine what it would feel like if you were with someone that gave as freely to you as you do to him.
    3. Stand in front of the mirror and look yourself in the eyes as you say, “I am worthy of love.” Do this without breaking the eye contact for five minutes and do it daily.

    Let’s see what comes up for you and how you feel. Please write me again and let me know how you are doing.
    Yes, there is hope and love for you Jana!

  3. Avatar
    Jana says:

    I have treated the man I want like a king for 8 yrs. He, however, doesn’t want a relationship with me or anyone. We were together (sort of) for 4 yrs then he decided he couldn’t do what little we had.
    I have been heartbroken but I have done the best I can to recover and move on. I still love him and know that under that indifferent bravado there is a scared little boy that is still brooding over his own father’s non-acceptance of him.
    I can’t help him but I try to be a friend to him, I get him gifts for FD, Xmas and his BD.
    I get nothing in return except at Xmas, (sometimes) but if I need a ride somewhere he is happy to be of service.
    I wish your book would help me but I have read every book there is on the subject including He’s just not that into you-waste of money.
    My problem is that where I live, and at 53 (but not bad looking- I don’t look my age at all) there are no single men in this county and the only one I really want doesn’t want a soul.
    So where does that leave me? I would truly like to know what you think….
    Is there any hope for a woman my age nowadays?
    I have done the internet thing and it too, is a waste of time. Most of the men that look at my profile look like they are old enough to be MY father.

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