In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss a controversial topic: What makes a woman beautiful or ugly?
First a quick update:
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“Empowering your team”
Following a short break to create new products, I am back in the foray of public speaking and offering some new programs for corporations including a new custom program for stress and the challenges of today. For details, bookings, and to watch sample video, click here.
Now, let’s talk about what makes a woman beautiful or ugly.
Statistics reveal that in 2007, in the US, plastic surgery for women rose by 8 % while in 2008, due to the economy, it dropped by nine percent and worldwide women had almost 3 million injections of Botox.
In an interview I gave to XM radio about Miley Cyrus’ controversial photo shoot with racy photos at age just 15, I revealed that as a society we have an obsession with young girls which in turn perpetuates the diseased message that we should only value youth, beauty and glamour. (To listen to the radio interview, visit here).
America’s obsession with youth in general is led and spread by Hollywood’s vanity-disorder: Kim Cattral, Janice Dickinson, Vanessa Williams, Lisa Rinna, Lori Loughlin, Jenny McCarthy and Sharon Osbourne are just a few celebrities who openly admit using Botox. The message via these women, movies, advertising, media and Hollywood is that a woman’s beauty is skin-deep; her only value and self-worth is her external beauty.
Thus, we have become obsessed with physical perfection and we have come to conclude that all we are and all we have to offer is our physical body -our looks, shape and sex appeal. While this is a challenge that faces both males and females, women are suffering the most. Women have fallen prey to society’s expectations of what they are “supposed” to look like. The result is emotional distress, depression, low self-esteem and obsession.
Ultimately, too many women now believe that the only thing that makes them beautiful is their outer body and we have lost sight of a woman’s real beauty – her inner beauty. The term for “Narcissism” comes from Greek mythology where Narcissus, the most handsome and beautiful man in existence who was extremely vain, wanted nothing to do with falling in love with anyone and rebuffed all attempts at romance. Eventually a goddess cursed him for the way he used and hurt women by making him fall in love with his reflection on the water. Thus, he could never be satisfied for he would always be obsessed with something beautiful but intangible, empty and two-dimensional.
But what is beauty and what is ugliness?
In Texas, there is an interesting response when someone says something that is offensive, rude or inappropriate: “That’s ugly.” In other words, what we say and what we do and how we behave can determine and define whether or not we are beautiful or ugly.
So what is inner beauty and is it limited to just women?
Inner beauty can be summed up as everything appealing that is intangible: temperament, character, personality, humor, wit, intelligence, morality, values, qualities of compassion, kindness, love, sensitivity, vulnerability, patience, warmth, affection, forgiveness, acceptance, confidence, determination, discipline, nurturing, femininity, spirituality, integrity, etc.
Obviously then, inner beauty also applies to men with qualities such as assertiveness, confidence, energy, incisiveness, determination, strength of mind and body, stamina, nobility, self sacrifice, leadership and/or whatever qualities you choose to value.
Of course, women will respond with, “But men judge us on our physical appearance.”
Yes, but not as much as women judge themselves. It is also true based on research of the male and female brains, that men are primarily stimulated visually while women are primarily stimulated auditorily. However, a woman’s physical appearance will get a man’s initial attention but it takes much more to get his love, commitment and dedication. In my book, “What a Woman Wants”, I also smash the myth that men only seek physical beauty when I reveal that there are primarily four things that a man wants in a relationship with a woman: The number one thing they want is for their woman to look good, to take care of herself which, is a sign of good health and self-respect. Second, men want their woman to pay attention and do things with him.
I always promote and teach the seeking of balance in every area of one’s life. And if we understand that life is lived in four realms: physical (tangible), mental, emotional and spiritual, then it serves us best and leads to happiness and fulfillment to strive to create beauty in all four areas.
The lesson here is to love your body, respect it and treat it well while not falling into the trap that your only worth is measured by what kind of body you have, the size of your chest, or how few wrinkles you have. If you believe that all you are is your body, then you will attract people who judge your worth on your body, and love you only for your body which will always leave you feeling empty, frustrated, distrusting and never satisfied.
Maybe the best way to sum anyone’s beauty is to ask yourself,
“How do I feel when I am with or around this person?” If the answer is that you feel special, significant and beautiful, then you can know that you are with someone that is truly beautiful regardless of their age, gender or looks! Remember, a child never notices the wrinkles or size of his grandma or grandpa…
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.