In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about false images and expectations of perfection.
First a quick update:
Read my predictions in The New York Observer about the new relationship between Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen.
Listen to the strongest teleseminar I have ever presented: “The Secret to Get What You Truly Deserve”.
Look for me in the December issue of Cosmopolitan magazine
Now let’s talk about false images and expectations: “Why aren’t you perfect?”
As a Human Behavior Expert and a Clinical Hypnotherapist, I have learned that one of the most destructive human patterns is our creation of false images and expectations of other people, usually our partners and our parents. I have found that at a subconscious level we wanted them and continue to want them to be better, do better and have more. In other words, we expected them and often still expect them to be perfect. We also tend to have the same expectations of our romantic partners and even ourselves.
This leads to major disappointment, depression, misery, hopelessness and helplessness because no one can ever live up to our expectations of perfection. Yes, we wish our partner or parents were somehow different: more loving, kinder, less abusive, smarter, richer, more attentive, more nurturing, more protective, richer, spent more time with us or were just more loving, etc. The result though, is that we also expect the same of ourselves – to be better, and we conclude that we are not good enough, our parents are not good enough and our partner is not good enough. Then we wonder why we are unhappy and why there isn’t more love in our relationships and lives?
This is the experience I have had with so many clients: even as adults they still wish their parents could have been different. I will plead guilty and say, that I too, have done the same thing in personal relationships, wanting my partner to be better, to be perfect. The result is always disappointment and unhappiness. Let me also clarify this point by saying I believe we must establish our own standards, morals, values and principals, and, choose a partner that matches those points, but we must not establish levels that no one can live up to. Sometimes, we also falsely believe that our parents were perfect and then we beat ourselves up because we don’t think we can rise to their expectations of us, expectations that we have subconsciously chosen to set for ourselves.
So what is the solution?
See the person for who he or she really is!
What does that mean?
Many of us refuse to see and accept our partner, (and ourselves or our parents) for who he or she really is and we spend most of our energy trying to convert or change them, often resulting in a power struggle that kills the romance, love and connection.
The empowering approach is to see them for everything that they are and take them off the pedestal of perfection. Stop idealizing them and stop idolizing them. See them as a whole, imperfect human being. See their good and negative qualities. Embrace their positive qualities, accept their negative qualities, and then, decide if you choose to be with this person. You can only really love someone when you know and see all of them – their strengths and weaknesses. Real love is being able to love someone in spite of their flaws, mistakes and negative qualities.
What I am also teaching here is for you to see and love and accept all of yourself. Can you look in the mirror and identify everything that you are? Can you look in the mirror and identify your good and bad qualities and forgive yourself for your mistakes? Can you look in the mirror and say, “I love you”? Until you can do this with yourself, you will never be able to do it with others.
Every relationship begins with you. Begin to be honest with who you are, accept what you cannot change about you and gently begin to change what you can change. And remember, whatever anyone did or didn’t do to you isn’t happening anymore. It’s over, it’s done with and it’s in the past. Leave it there and focus now on what you want in your life.
Remember the more you love yourself, the more others can love you. Also women fall in love with men’s potential while men hope their woman will never grow or change. Ladies, I suggest you listen to my audio book, “Get the man you WANT!”.
Remember to check out my Blog on my website to read my past Success Newsletters, post your comments and take a few exciting quizzes. If you have received this newsletter as a forward and would like to receive all of my newsletters please enter your email address on the home page.
I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.