First a quick update:
“Secrets to persuasion and influence ”
Did you know in a study, it was revealed that people judged others to be more generous and caring if they had just held a warm cup of coffee and less so if they had held an iced coffee? https://patrickwanis.com/blog/secrets-to-persuasion-and-influence/
“7 Steps to stop being a people-pleaser”
Do you actually ask for what you need? Do you even know what you want and need? Do you place boundaries? Can you say no or are you a people pleaser? Watch the video.
Now, let’s talk about the ways that you become the person that you hang out with.
He spent five years researching the daily habits of wealthy people and came up with this revelation:
“Self-made millionaires are very particular about who they associate with. You are only as successful as those you frequently associate with. The rich are always on the lookout for individuals who are goal-oriented, optimistic, enthusiastic, and who have an overall positive mental outlook.”
Thomas C. Corley, in his book, “Change Your Habits, Change Your Life” reveals that the wealthy people he studied, “also make a point to limit their exposure to toxic, negative people.”
Corley states that the successful people avoid pessimists at all costs!
Corley isn’t the first person to share this insight or revelation:
“Men take on the nature and the habits and the power of thought of those with whom they associate…there is no hope of success for the person who repels people through a negative personality.”
– Napoleon Hill, “Think and Grow Rich”, 1937
Nonetheless, it is a success principle that needs repeating and reinforcing:
We become whom we hang out with!
How and why?
We constantly (sometimes consciously, mostly subconsciously) seek the approval of others. When we seek their approval, we will adjust our behavior and thoughts to meet and match theirs.
We will look for ways to bond with them; we will mimick them and we will become more affectively attuned to them. [Source: “Mimicry in social interaction: Benefits for mimickers, mimickees, and their interaction” from British Journal of Psychology, Volume 101, Number 2, May 2010 , pp. 311-323(13)]
Fear of Rejection
We generally move towards trying to belong to the group with whom we hang out with and we seek their acceptance.
Fear of being rejected along with fear of conflict drives us to do what the others want us to do, thus shifting or destroying our morality and values.
In the same way that we desire people’s acceptance, we also naturally strive to bond with them; we bond by doing and enjoying the same things as them; we bond via emotional and shared experiences. When we bond, we copy each other – from both directions.
Have you noticed that when you hang out with a particular person, you automatically feel uplifted & inspired and when you hang out with that other person, you automatically feel down, frustrated or stifled? Have you noticed the way you feel bright and light around a particular person, yet dark and heavy around someone else particular?
Everybody has an ‘energy’ – positive or negative, uplifting or discouraging. You might refer to that energy as charisma (or lack of charisma), mood, attitude, outlook or aura. The point here is that this energy that we each possess is always interacting and impacting others around us. Unfortunately, the dark energy often quickly overpowers the light or it takes more effort for the light to fill the dark. Simply put, we have to work hard to overcome the negative energy of people around us, particularly because toxic, negative people want us to think, feel and be like them.
Pessimists and toxic, negative people want to be proven right and they will do whatever is necessary to convince you that they are right about the way the world is. Why?
Toxic, negative people want to be vindicated so that they can justify to themselves their mediocrity and why their life isn’t working out.
Ultimately, we change who we are to become similar to the people we hang out with and that involves shifts in our goals, beliefs and outlook on life – what it has to offer, the opportunities and the possibilities. When we choose to hang out with negative people (pessimists, critical, depressed, judgmental people) we take on their energy and their consciousness: we become like them.
Conversely, when we choose to hang out with positive people (optimists, encouraging, passionate people who believe in possibilities and opportunities) we take on their energy and their consciousness: we become like them.
Beware of misunderstanding this message; we need to hang out with positive, uplifting, inspiring people. Yes. And, we need to beware of choosing people who never give us real, complete feedback. In order to excel in any given area, one must be open to receiving negative feedback. When a trusted person tells you what you did wrong, you are then able to make progress by adjusting your behavior and responses. By openly listening to all feedback, you can sharpen and develop your skills and enjoy ongoing and greater success.
“Long-term success is only possible when you have a positive mental outlook.”
Thomas C. Corley
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.