First a quick update:
The Breakup Quiz
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Beware Of Immature Men
What is maturity? The dictionary defines mature as “fully developed in body and mind.” So what does it mean to be fully developed in “mind”? Watch the video
Now, let’s talk about the 14 traits of immature men and the difference between responsibility and accountability.
How many men do you know that refuse to accept responsibility or accountability for their actions?
Immature men are those who shirk responsibilities, never hold themselves accountable for their actions, and who often play victim and blame others for their own lives and outcomes.
John is 37, now divorced with 2 young children. His mother and ex-wife have a restraining order against him. He cries victim, blaming the system but his restraining order continues to be extended because of his threats and actions. He moved out of state and so he only speaks to his children over the phone. He lost his home, was thrown out of his job and often gets drunk and becomes belligerent and abusive towards others.
I encouraged him to stop being the victim no matter what anyone has done to him, and to accept responsibility and accountability for where his life is right now. I encouraged him to take ownership of his outcomes, and to focus on being the role model father that his children need.
How did he respond?
He chose to get drunk and he became verbally abusive towards me, and again verbally attacked his mother and the world, specifically saying he is a victim.
John is an example of an immature man who wants to remain a child and expects others to take care of him and be responsible for his success and happiness in life. With his response, he paralyzes himself and remains powerless, just like a child.
Responsibility VS Accountability
Often the words responsibility and accountability are used interchangeably, but they are not the same thing.
Responsibility is the role you have; accountability is the results you produce – fulfilling the expectations given to you in that role of responsibility.
Responsibility can be delegated, accountability cannot. You and your partner might select specific areas in the home or relationship for which one of you is in charge (responsible.) However, you can still be accountable to each other for completing those tasks or duties.
At the end of the day, we are all accountable for our actions – for the results we produce or fail to produce, and thus, for our outcomes.
Yes, it is true that in life there are so many things over which we have no control. However, we have the power to choose our response and to control the things we can. A mature man understands this; an immature man runs, hides and angrily or helplessly wails and blames others.
How do you know if the man or men in your life are immature or mature? How do you know if the men in your life are both responsible and accountable?
Is Your Man Immature?
The immature man runs from responsibility and accountability because he remains stuck in the mindset of a child, fooling himself into thinking that others are supposed to take care of him and that he is helpless, dependent and powerless over his life.
Immature Men: The 14 Traits Responsibility & Accountability Assessment:
Below is an assessment I have created on accountability and responsibility. Review these 14 questions on a scale from never, rarely, and sometimes to usually and always.
1. Does he act like he knows everything?
-Never, rarely, sometimes, usually or always?
2. Does he lean on the wisdom of others or only on himself?
-Never, rarely, sometimes, usually or always?
3. How often does he admit, “I don’t know”?
-Never, rarely, sometimes, usually or always?
4. Does he admit when he makes a mistake or is wrong, or does he act in denial or become defensive?
-Never, rarely, sometimes, usually or always?
5. How often does he blame others, and how often does he own his own actions?
-Never, rarely, sometimes, usually or always?
6. When faced with feedback or criticism, does he welcome it and take appropriate action to improve, or does he make excuses, become defensive, offensive, or belligerent?
-Never, rarely, sometimes, usually or always?
7. Is he reliable and dependable?
-Never, rarely, sometimes, usually or always?
8. Does he keep his word?
-Never, rarely, sometimes, usually or always?
9. Does he understand his roles and responsibilities?
-Never, rarely, sometimes, usually or always?
10. Does he try to hide his delicate pride from the truth of what is happening?
-Never, rarely, sometimes, usually or always?
11. Does he have a fixed mindset or a growth mindset? (A fixed mindset avoids challenges, reacts harshly to mistakes; a growth mindset embraces challenges, learns from mistakes, and focuses on evolving and developing skills and intelligence.)
-Never, rarely, sometimes, usually or always?
12. When faced with a problem, does he focus on the solution, or does he just focus on finding the culprit and then complaining and blaming?
-Never, rarely, sometimes, usually or always?
13. Does he openly learn from errors and mistakes, while elucidating a new way to do things and adjust behaviors?
-Never, rarely, sometimes, usually or always?
14. Does he believe he is accountable to anyone? (In a committed relationship, there needs to be accountability to each other based on mutually agreed roles and responsibilities.)
-Never, rarely, sometimes, usually or always?
If the majority of the answers fall into the categories of usually or always, then you know you are dealing with an immature man!
“A body of men holding themselves accountable to nobody ought not to be trusted by anybody.”
– Thomas Paine
Profile Of The Immature Man
Remember also to take the accountability and responsibility assessment above to determine if your man possesses the 14 traits of an immature man.
The immature man runs from responsibility and accountability because he remains stuck in the mindset of a child, fooling himself into thinking that others are supposed to take care of him and that he is helpless, dependent and powerless over his life.
The immature man refuses to accept that there are consequences for his performances and actions. Instead, he tries to shift the blame and responsibility to others.
The immature man views himself as a victim of circumstances, and therefore does not apply himself nor commit himself to daily work to accomplish his goals.
The immature man fails to understand that he has power over his own life and over his outcomes, including his relationships.
The mature man knows his role and responsibilities, and therefore holds himself accountable for his results. The mature man takes charge of his life and does not expect others to take care of him, although he will ask for help & support when needed.
The mature man is open to ideas, suggestion and feedback, and, he admits and corrects deficiencies. Unlike the immature man, the mature man is no longer a slave to praise or fragile confidence; he finds strength in his vulnerability.
The mature man is open to ideas, suggestion and feedback, and, he admits and corrects deficiencies. Unlike the immature man, the mature man is no longer a slave to praise or fragile confidence; he finds strength in his vulnerability.
Finally, ladies, remember that you cannot change an immature man; it is not your role or responsibility to change him or to help him mature, unless you are his mother, and he is a young child. Read more about immature men.
If you or a friend need help to overcome a pain from a past event or to build hope, do what others have done: Resolve it rapidly and be set free of the pain by experiencing my SRTT process. Book a one-on-one session with me.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.