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Are you living for you?

Are you living for you?

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to ask the question “Are you living for you?” and explain the significance and implications of putting yourself first and the dangers when you don’t do so. If the thought of putting yourself first, makes you immediately uncomfortable, then please read on.

First a quick update:

“SATC – how it changed men and women”
I believe in empowering women- and while Sex and the City has helped shape the bold, independent 21st century woman, the latest movie does a disservice to women as it promotes and feeds into the belief by men that women don’t know what they want and are never really happy. Read my controversial press release and the interview I gave to Siobhan McFadyen, News Correspondent for Grazia Magazine.

Now, let’s talk about the significance of putting yourself first and the dangers of not putting yourself first.

Recently, Larry King Live on CNN featured a special with the winners and runners-up of the NBC TV show, “The Biggest Loser.” Each of the contestants that Larry King interviewed said something that Larry King along with almost everyone else missed but which is, in fact, the secret to mental, physical and emotional health.

For many years, and as a result of my work in hypnosis, I have revealed that negative emotions and stress are the major contributors and causes of our pain – physical, mental and emotional pain – as well as illness and weight problems.

Michael Ventrella, winner of Season 9 of The Biggest Loser, lost a whopping 526 pounds. He described himself as an emotional eater:

“So if I had a bad day at work or stressed out about family problems or, you know, bills and debt..I would blank out and then I’d be driving and realize there’s a whole pizza on my passenger seat and I just — I’d polish it off…I look back and I was like, I was killing myself. Killing myself.”

But that wasn’t the secret or revelation. No, in fact, for many people who have suffered with this condition of ‘eating your problems’, Michael’s words are not new at all. But then, Michael Ventrella said something about the turning point in his life; the revelation for all of us:

“For once, I took the time to assess my needs instead of being that caring person I have my whole life and worried about other people so much.”

The other contestants featured on Larry King would echo the same words.

Shay Sorrels won $52,000 for her achievements on NBC’s “The Biggest Loser.” Her trainer Bob Harper said the same thing about Shay that Michael had just said about himself:

“This girl was the one that always put everyone before her. Now all of a sudden, to find out that she wanted to live just a happy and healthy life, it was just such you an eye-awakening experience.”
Shay’s mother was a heroin addict and Shay was in foster care.

“I turned to food as my everything, my parent, my brother, my sister, anything that was absent in my life.”

Eventually while in grad school, Shay blew up by 100 pounds.

“How did you feel when you looked at yourself?”,asked Larry King.

“You try not to look at yourself most of the time. You try and avoid mirrors. I was so busy living for everyone else that I wasn’t living for myself. And I wasn’t paying much attention, sadly.”

Shay said it again – she wasn’t living for herself; she wasn’t even paying attention.

And what, finally, made Shay pay attention? �

“When my mom passed away. And I had realized that she had died from her addiction. I didn’t want to die from mine.”

One after another, these contestants echoed what I have been teaching for years: the key to love, joy, success and happiness begins within and begins when you make a decision to love yourself, to put yourself first.

Stephanie Anderson, another contestant appearing on the show with Larry King, described it this way: “I think, not just physical, but mental and emotional walls we had that we had to break through with Bob and Jillian’s help, and doing this with my mom and seeing her get healthy. And finding that connection with Sam and finally allowing myself to be loved and loving myself.”

Allowing yourself to be loved and loving yourself!

This is what I call “The Law of Deservedness” – you get only what you subconsciously believe you deserve – and no more – otherwise you sabotage it or push it away. And that’s what Erik Chopin did.

Erik Chopin, winner of season three of “The Biggest Loser” lost 214 pounds on the show and then soon regained most of it.

What happened?

“I did regain much of it. I recently recovered, Larry. I kind of lost my purpose in life. I didn’t know what I wanted to do and I kind of medicated myself with food. Food has always been my addiction.

“But I recently stayed at “The Biggest Loser” resort and it’s there where I found out a little bit more about my purpose with — dealing with a professional counselor. We kind of hashed it out. I realized that what I need to put in my life is helping people that struggle with the same thing I have, that I started with. And can I come from the world of experience, doing this twice.”

Erik Chopin identified that he had sabotaged his success. How could Erik live his purpose of helping others until he put himself first?

Many people live from and are controlled by guilt – living for someone else, trying to please someone else. Many of us have responsibilities and there are obvious times when we cannot put ourselves first – when we have dependents – when we are parents and our children depend on us for love and survival. But I am referring here to those of us that shrink or run and hide, afraid to live for ourselves, afraid to live our potential and purpose.

I am not promoting selfishness, greed, callousness or narcissism. My call here is to the people that have never lived for themselves, that have caved into the wishes of others, and have never thought about what they themselves want from life or who have been afraid to live their dreams and passion; those people who have not yet awoken to love themselves; those people who are plagued by negative emotions which prevents enjoyment of life. I humbly suggest using my transformational program or my hypnosis CD – Feel Good About Yourself

You can also read my Success Newsletter from May 2008 about letting go, forgiving and putting yourself first.

Also, check back on Thursday when I will be posting a phenomenal interview and discussion on my Radio Interviews page. To listen to my full interview visit Radio-Interviews with Janet and Chris Attwood – authors of the NY Times bestseller “The Passion Test: The Effortless Path to Discovering Your Destiny.” We will be discussing the significance and link between putting yourself first and living your destiny and purpose.

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist

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