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Avoiding Holiday Arguments & Fights – Top 9 tips

Avoiding holiday arguments & fights
Avoiding holiday arguments & fights
Avoiding holiday arguments & fights

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to talks about how to avoid drama, arguments and self-sabotage during the Holidays.

First a quick update:

Listen to my interview about fear on Sally Jessy Raphael’s syndicated radio show Wednesday December 5, 2007

Read my comments in The New York Observer on The Curse of The Reality Show 

Listen to my 45-minute interview on The Top Nine Tips to Help You Enjoy The Holidays

Listen to my 20-minute interview on how to Survive the office party -and get ahead

Now let’s talk about the top 9 tips to enjoy the Holidays.

First, remember that the Holidays will automatically trigger every insecurity that we have as well as our fears, anger, frustration, resentment, bitterness, guilt, shame and any other negative emotion that we hide deep inside.  Read my article with the first four of the top nine tips here.

5. Overcoming loneliness
Almost every one of us has probably experienced loneliness around the Holidays: maybe we are away from our family or someone special, there has been a loss, a breakup, or we simply don’t have love and a relationship in our lives. Allow yourself to feel the pain and hurt and then release it – not by fighting it but by allowing yourself to fully feel it and imagine it leaving your body. And don’t beat yourself up for feeling bad – all of your feelings are valid. Finally, take some action. After feeling the emotions, set up a date or take some time to volunteer at a soup kitchen or a charity. I promise that you will feel better because you will appreciate that there are people worse off than you, the kind deeds will raise your Serotonin levels (feel-good chemical that your brain releases) and you will feel special, significant and meaningful knowing that you have helped others and you are needed.

4. Beware of drama and self-sabotage
If you grew up in a loud household where there was often shouting and arguments then it is most likely that you will find yourself repeating the pattern in adulthood – even if you believe it is not your fault and the arguments are being caused by others. In other words, what you see happening is the need for drama. I grew up in a family where my dad would often shout very loudly and sometimes almost scream. I remember one day in my early twenties noticing that I was doing what my dad did. I was in a relationship with a girl and there I was shouting and screaming and she couldn’t take it and she would shut down. From that day onwards, I made a conscious choice to speak with a calm voice and lower volume. Sometimes I failed and still shouted but with more and more practice (years actually) I learned to stop shouting.

The “drama pattern” also relates to subconscious self-sabotage. Everything seems to be going well and suddenly you say something nasty, mean or inappropriate and the drama and arguments begin. Before long, the fun and good times have turned to pain, hurts and words of regret.

Look in your past, did someone tell you that you are not allowed to have fun, you are no good, or that there is something wrong with you? Did your parents tell you that one of your siblings is better than you? Did you do something that you still feel guilty over?

While it may require deep work to fully release the past, begin now by noticing the moment when you are about to spoil your fun and good times. Stop and tell yourself it is OK to have what you want, it’s OK and to have a good time. You might find yourself having to leave the room and cry for a few moments. Do it and tell yourself, “I do deserve the best” and then come back in the room and enjoy yourself.

3. Be kind, open and caring
We all want to be treated well, as someone special and significant. We all want to feel loved and needed. Yes, even the macho men do – though they may not admit it openly! Make a conscious effort to be kind to everyone –even those people that are trying to create an argument or who have hurt you. If you show them caring and even if they don’t respond the way you hoped, you will still feel better about yourself. Make an extra effort to be kind to your partner and parents. They need it most!

2. Have fun
No matter what anyone has ever told you, you are allowed to have fun. You don’t need to be a child to be childlike, to play, laugh, be silly and have fun. Your parents or siblings are no longer controlling you – unless you let them. Simply give yourself permission to have fun and to have a good time – reward yourself. When you have fun you lift the spirits of those around you. Oh, yes, it is the happiest season of all – make it that way.

1. The final word
It is so easy for us to get lost in our emotions that we forget that in every moment, we always have a choice. Choose to be happy. Choose forgiveness over criticism and condemnation. Choose fun over drama and arguments.

Finally, here is my Holiday mantra: If all else fails, hang out with the youngest children – they most likely will be smiling, laughing and playing…

I hope that you create the opportunity to do the same. I send you love and blessings! May love and joy fill your heart and world!

Remember to check out my Blog on my website to read my past Success Newsletters, post your comments and take a few exciting quizzes. If you have received this newsletter as a forward and would like to receive all of my newsletters please enter your email address on the home page.

I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist

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