In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal when love doesn’t conquer all – why love isn’t enough.
First a quick update:
The Breakup Test
Are you heartbroken, angry, lost, lonely, confused, depressed, hung up, or pining over your ex? Do you know how your ex is truly affecting you and do you want to benefit from personalize advice, action steps and revelations? Take my free breakup test and get your own personalized report.
5 Reasons You’re Not Over Your Ex
Are you over your ex or are you still craving your ex? What do you feel or believe that pushes you to want to be with or hang onto your ex? Watch the video and learn about 5 of the 12 reasons you’re not over your ex.
Now, let’s talk about when love doesn’t conquer all – why love isn’t enough.
Love conquers all.
It’s a beautifully inspiring and poetic phrase by the Latin poet Virgil of the first century BC. “Amor Vincit Omnia” (Love Conquers All) was further popularized in a painting by Caravaggio in 1601–1602.
However, when it comes to romantic relationships, love doesn’t conquer all.
Love fails to conquer incompatibility.
Love isn’t enough to create, build, develop and sustain a happy, fulfilling relationship where your needs are truly met.
Five other key things must be in place to experience the relationship that you truly yearn and desire.
So again why isn’t love enough?
Love alone does not guarantee compatibility.
John grew up in New York City and he thrives on the fast pace. He met Marianne in New York City while she, too, was working at a large corporation. In the third year of their relationship, Marianne pushed for what John promised: to move out of New York City to a quiet, small country town. They had saved enough money to do this. However, John did not want to move; he wanted to stay in New York City. They continued their relationship in New York City for 9 more months until Marianne ended the relationship because she chose to leave the city.
John could have moved with her, but, now he finally admitted to her that he could never be happy in a small country town. He valued city life over country life.
Love isn’t enough.
So again what is required?
As I reveal in my new audio book/program “Get Over Your Ex Now!”, compatibility in 5 key areas is required for a meaningful and loving relationship.
1. Compatible Personality Types
There are four key personality types or behavioral styles. Your personality type must match your partners, otherwise you’ll not understand each other, you’ll not communicate well, and you’ll both get frustrated with each other.
You can both love each other and have extraordinary chemistry and passion for each other, and that fire will go out quickly when your personality types clash.
2. Compatible Love Languages
There are 5 key languages of love. How do you express love? What do you require to feel loved? If you need to hear the words “I love you”, and you need to be held and touched and caressed and stroked to feel loved, but your partner expresses love through small gifts and doing things for you but rarely says the words “I love you”, then you will not feel loved.
Your partner will also not feel loved when you tell him or her “I love you” but he really wants small gifts and acts of service.
3. Compatible Values
The third and probably the most important requirement for a meaningful, happy, long lasting relationship is “Values.” Did you know that the two most cited reasons for relationship breakups are “I” and “I”: infidelity, and incompatibility?
The most common cause of incompatibility is a clash of values.
John loves the fast, loud and high-energy pace of New York City while Marianne values quiet open and tranquil spaces in the country. A person who chooses to cheat or betray his partner also has clashing values: he is saying that he values selfishness, instant gratification (or something else) over monogamy and loyalty even if his real challenge was simply the inability to communicate.
4. Compatible Needs & Life Stage
Where you are in your life; what are your needs? For example, are you a single parent with very young children? Only you will truly understand the ways that your needs are very different to someone who is single with no children. If you are at a stage in your life where you are clear that you do not want any children or any more children then you will also need someone who will be compatible with your stage in life.
5. Compatible Psychological Health
I’m using this as an umbrella to incorporate many things, and for the purposes of this article, I will refer to one critical component of psychological health: the belief in self-worth and value.
I understand that this might sound rather kitsch, trite or corny. In effect, though, if you do not believe that you are worthy, valuable or lovable at a subconscious level, then you will be carrying subconscious shame and you will sabotage his relationship believing that you don’t deserve to be loved or valued.
If your partner lacks psychological health, then the relationship will also have tremendous challenges if not fail regardless of the love and passion for each other.
In my new audio book/program “Get Over Your Ex Now!” I reveal in-depth all of the requirements (beyond the 5 mentioned above) for a long, lasting and loving relationship where your needs are fully met. And, yes you need passion in your relationship! I also devote three chapters to guilt and shame and offer a special process to neutralize and overcome shame; I reveal the Drama Triangle and the Love Triangle. Do you know what your “Attachment Style” is and what style is compatible with you? Find out here.
If you would like personal help to overcome the past, and ex, or change your subconscious beliefs, book a one-on-one session with me.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.