I would like to expose the myth that “Time heals all wounds.”
First a quick update:
The Breakup Test
Are you heartbroken, angry, lost, lonely, confused, depressed, hung up, or pining over your ex? Do you know how your ex is truly affecting you and do you want to benefit from personalize advice, action steps and revelations? Take my free breakup test and get your own personalized report.
5 Reasons You’re Not Over Your Ex
Are you over your ex or are you still craving your ex? What do you feel or believe that pushes you to want to be with or hang onto your ex? Watch the video and learn about 5 of the 12 reasons you’re not over your ex.
Now, let’s talk about the misleading quote/teaching: Time heals all wounds.
Did you know that the Australian box jellyfish is considered the most venomous marine animal?
Box jellyfish poison their prey by releasing toxins that attack the heart, nervous system, and skin cells. The Box jellyfish have killed more people than shark bites. Their venom is so powerful that most human victims go into shock and drown or die of heart failure within minutes of being stung – before even making it to the shore.
Victims quickly run out of time – if they don’t get the anti-venom quickly enough, they often die. The more time that passes, the greater chance the victim has of dying!
However, it is not time that is killing or healing the victim.
Time in and of itself does nothing at all.
Does time heal all physical wounds?
Does time heal all physical illnesses and diseases?
Does time heal all emotional wounds and pains?
Does time heal sadness, guilt, depression or shame?
The answer to all of these questions is no, time does not heal anything.
Time is not a medicine or pain killer.
In fact, as time progresses we get older and weaker.
If time healed all wounds, then the older we get the happier and the healthier we would all be.
We often use the phrase or motto “Time heals all wounds” to encourage someone to have patience, hope or faith that things will get better or the physical or emotional pain will diminish or pass completely.
Do you know someone who is still angry, hurt, sad, bitter, vengeful, guilty or ashamed over something that happened decades ago?
Can we say to a parent who has lost their child, “It’s OK. Don’t worry about it. Time heals all wounds”?
Can we say the same thing to a rape victim or a war veteran who is suffering from PTSD?
Of course, not.
In fact, many rape victim and veterans suffer extreme psychological pain and nightmares for decades – sometimes for life.
Can we say “Time heals all wounds” to a person who has just experienced a relationship breakup or divorce?
It is true that there is a grieving process, but yet again, the process is not linear and people do not move through it easily and sometimes not at all wounds. Some people grieve their entire life and never get over a pain, loss or a breakup.
We also need to beware of saying “Time heals all wounds” to someone in pain because it can also invalidate or de-legitimize what they are feeling.
No. Time does not heal you. Time will not heal you.
The Answer – Take Action
What you choose to do with time and in the space of time will determine the result that you will get.
What you do with time will determine whether or not you heal, stay stuck or become worse.
Look at the way people respond when suffering from debilitating emotions and thoughts (unhealthy, negative or agitative emotions and thoughts):
One person will use time to wallow in those emotions
Another person will reinforce those emotions
Yet another person will deny or repress those emotions until it starts to destroy his/her life and health and he/she has no choice but to face them
And yet another person will choose to take the right action to heal quickly in response to those emotions
The key here is the right action and in a timely manner.
The Right Action
What is it that needs healing in your life?
Do you need to heal an emotion?
Do you need to heal a thought – a judgment or belief that is holding you back or negatively impacting your life?
Do you need to heal from the fear of taking new action?
Do you need to heal from a breakup and the consequent thoughts and judgments you made about yourself and your self-worth?
List carefully everything that needs healing in your life – if it is psychological, then, it is the combination of a thought and an emotion.
Remember, thoughts create feelings which trigger an action (or inaction) and then create a result.
The pain of a breakup can also feel like real physical pain.
There is a grieving process and no one needs to do it alone. There are also action steps you can take to minimize the pain.
In my new audio book/program “Get Over Your Ex Now!” I reveal in-depth all of the steps of the grieving process relating to breakups and divorce, as well as what you need to do to move through the grieving. I also offer steps to regaining your identity, steps to help you to gain clarity about the relationship, and help reveal the answer to the question, “Why did it happen?”
You can add to the conversation below.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist