In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal that choosing to not making your partner a priority is a top cause of relationship breakups for women.
First a quick update:
The Breakup Test
Are you heartbroken, angry, lost, lonely, confused, depressed, hung up, or pining over your ex? Do you know how your ex is truly affecting you and do you want to benefit from personalize advice, action steps and revelations? Take my free breakup test and get your own personalized report.
Are You Feeling Guilty Or Ashamed?
Do you feel guilty or ashamed for something you have done or for your past relationship or Ex? Do you know the difference between guilt and shame? Watch the video and learn how to overcome guilt and shame.
Now, let’s talk about the finding that choosing to not making your partner a priority is a top cause of relationship breakups for women.
Have you taken my Breakup Test yet?
Over 1,300 men and women have taken this breakup survey, and the results are truly revealing and surprising.
Can you guess what is the number one cause of breakups for women, and the number one cause of breakups for men?
I ask that because men cite different causes of relationship breakups than women do.
Men rated the number one cause of their relationship break up as cheating – “My ex cheated on me.”
This is surprising because the common belief is that men cheat more on women than women do: women rated cheating as the fifth top cause of their relationship break up.
Possibly women are more forgiving than men with regards to cheating.
Nonetheless, the top cause of a relationship breakup for women according to my online breakup survey is “We wanted different things in life.” This validates my teaching that the top 2 causes of breakups are “I” and “I” – Infidelity and Incompatibility.
“We wanted different things in life” signifies ‘we had clashing values.’
If you and your partner’s values don’t match, the relationship will fail.
You can read more about the importance of values here.
In this article, though, I’m going to talk about the third top cause of a relationship breakup for women: “I wanted more time than he could offer.”
Women here are expressing that they want to be significant, be a priority and be together with their partner.
When you give your time to your partner, you are communicating that this person is important to you; they are significant.
The amount of time you choose to give to your partner also signifies whether or not he/she is a priority.
The amount of time you give to your partner will also result in a higher level of companionship.
Interestingly, both men and women rated companionship as the number one thing they miss about the relationship. A lack of companionship also results in feelings of loneliness or neglect in a relationship. Thus, companionship is a key factor in creating satisfying relationships. And you can’t have companionship if you don’t have time to share.
Where do you spend most of your time?
And when you spend time with your partner, are you present? Are you fully focused on your partner or are you texting, watching TV or mentally located somewhere else?
There is a scene in the movie, Devil Wears Prada where Anne Hathaway’s character is scolded by her boyfriend when she continually answers the phone calls of her boss but not his phone calls. He says to her that the person you speak with most of the time is the person with whom you are having a relationship.
In other words, the place/thing/person you devote most of your time is your real priority. Of course, working over 40 hours a week and spending many hours commuting each day, means that there is little time left over to devote to your partner. How do you divide that time left over?
Do you make your partner a priority? Do you make your partner the priority? https://www.patrickwanis.com/marriage-first-before-children-and-everything-else/
It is critical to the success of your relationship to be honest about your individual priorities, and those priorities must be communicated at the beginning of the relationship. If your priority is career, job, money, family, children from another relationship or something else, you need to tell your partner up front. Remember, your priority is also your value; your priorities in life are also your values.
Values and priorities can change and evolve
It is also critical to constantly evaluate the way that the spending and sharing of time is evolving. I have worked with numerous clients who told me, ‘I was working those long days and nights so I could provide and give her what she wants.’ Is that what she really wants? Is what she says she wants what she actually needs?
I have a client who said she married a wealthy man so she could have financial security and live luxuriously. Those were her initial values. However, 5 years later, she and her husband live in a mansion, and on opposite sides of the house. He travels a lot, focuses on his business and has little time for her. She is miserable and depressed. She got what she said she wanted but not what she needed. She eventually reevaluated what is truly important to her and it wasn’t financial security – it was friendship, companionship and laughter & humor.
Thus, you must be clear about what you want in a relationship and how much time you need and how much time you can devote to each other. Complimentary values leads to harmonious and satisfying relationships.
Can you clearly define your values?
Do you know what motivates you?
Can you clearly define your personality type?
Do you know which personality types match yours?
Do you know your love language?
You can get the answer to all of these questions and more in my new audio book/program “Get Over Your Ex Now!”
As I reveal in my audio book, you have to have more than passion to make a relationship successful. You also need intimacy and commitment.
Make your partner a priority!
You can add to the conversation below.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist