Positive Attention Is More Powerful Than Playing Victim Or “Poor Me”

Positive Attention Is More Powerful Than Playing Victim Or “Poor Me”

In this Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about positive attention and why it is so much more powerful and productive than playing the victim or crying “poor me.”

A good friend of mine in her early thirties was diagnosed with breast cancer. The news was obviously devastating to her and her family but this woman was strong. She decided she was going to conquer the cancer. Amongst her health regimen, I gave her a few simple visualization exercises to perform daily. She would imagine a troop of soldiers going into the affected area and gently rounding up and removing the cancerous cells and then throwing them down a pipe and out of her body. Her strength and resolve to get better succeeded. She went into remission and eventually was cleared of cancer – and she did not have to have her breast removed.

What great and amazing news!

One would expect that she would want to celebrate and boast about her victory.

Unfortunately, that was not the case.

She chose to go the opposite way and continued to seek pity from everyone for her situation. She sold herself to all of her friends as a survivor and struggler. It worked for a while and she received lots of attention and sympathy.

Of course, the people closest to her became tired of hearing her story of “poor, poor pitiful me.”

I sat down with her and explained to her that what she was doing was working in terms of getting attention but it was not helping her or her friends and family. After all, eventually most of us tire of hearing the bad and down-and-out stories. I was able to ascertain that it was important to her to receive attention since she got little attention from her husband and closest family members.  I said to her, “Imagine walking down the street and you meet a homeless man. He is raggedy, dirty and smelly. He begins to moan and groan about the horrible life he has had and despite all of his pain and suffering his family doesn’t care about him and tends to ignore him. From there, he proceeds to go into detail about his suffering and his physical illness. You feel sympathy for him. The next day you walk down the same street and there he is. Again he comes up to you and repeats the same story. In fact, everyday that you walk down that street, there he is and he complains over and over again about his suffering and struggles. How long will it take before you will walk down a different street to avoid him?”  I could easily tell by the grimace on my friend’s face that she was not enjoying the experience of the man’s painful story day after day.  “Now imagine,” I said, “you are walking down the same street and there is another man who everyday with enthusiasm and excitement tells you a wonderful happy story and asks how you are and listens with his heart for your answer. Now how do you feel?”

Her entire demeanor changed. She was smiling and standing up with erect posture, she made the decision that from that moment on she was no longer going to play the violin for the survivor or struggler. She decided to turn the event around and be grateful for her health and use it as an example to help other people overcome life’s obstacles, particularly the life-threatening ones! In my audio book, “Get what you want!”  I explain the process of how we create our experiences and how to create what you truly want.

I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist

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