In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about praising and criticizing others, and the reasons people don’t praise.
First a quick update:
“Heath Ledger’s death – the real story?”
Listen to the controversial interview I gave to Danny Wright (Wright All Night syndicated radio show) Recorded just days after Heath’s death, I said he was suffering depression and I explain the difference between how men and women handle depression. I also reveal what children need the most, and the responsibility of parents to their children
To listen to the full interview visit to Radio-Interviews
Now let’s talk about praising and criticizing others.
To praise someone refers to expressing approval, admiration and commendation. Whether we like to openly admit it or not, we all seek praise, compliments and recognition. There is nothing wrong with that desire as long as we don’t fully attach our sense of self-worth to the praise of other people.
As a Human behavior Expert and clinical Hypnotherapist and based on my work with clients, I have found that one of the greatest issues facing people is the lack of praise and compliments received as a child and in present day adult relationships – personal, social, romantic and business relationships. In other words, the expression of approval, admiration and compliments is rare. Few people praise in a business setting and even fewer do it with their family and romantic partner.
The lack of praise often results in resentment, tension and bitterness within the relationship, and low self-esteem and poor self-confidence on a personal level.
Why do so few people including our parents praise others? Why do we not praise regularly and easily?
You might be shocked by the answer.
Let me begin by using an example:
Robin is an intelligent and successful woman who is dating a man, John who is also very successful. Their relationship is strained and arguments often ensue because although Robin’s boyfriend easily and openly praises and compliments Robin, she never recognizes or praises John’s success or achievements. In fact, most times Robin often criticizes John and refuses to express praise and admiration for John. And if he asks why she doesn’t do it, then Robin becomes offensive and says that she doesn’t praise people who ask for it. The result of this dynamic is mutual criticism, bitterness and resentment, and, it destroys the love within the relationship. The irony is that like all of us, both John and Robin are simply seeking love and approval.
So, why does Robin refuse to praise John? Why does she prefer to ignore his success and instead criticize him?
Robin was never praised as a child. Both her father and mother never praised her and often harshly judged and criticized her, particularly her father. Subsequently, Robin is angry and resentful and full of blame and judgment. Robin cannot see the good in her or praise herself. Robin spends most of the time quietly criticizing herself. She doesn’t recognize her own success or talents. In fact, Robin suffers from low self-esteem and a poor self-image. She doesn’t think or feel that she is good enough. Thus, were she to praise and compliment her boyfriend John, she would need to recognize his talents and success and by doing that, the result would be that she would feel inadequate.
In other words, this is the primary reason most of us choose to criticize, condemn and put down other successful people – be they rich, wealthy, famous, beautiful, happy, free, optimistic, healthy, confident or powerful people. I call it the Tall-Poppy Syndrome. When we see a tall-poppy, a flower that stands out, high above the rest of us, shining and catching the wind and sun and rain, we feel small and inadequate. We think there is something wrong with us and we respond with fear. We fear that maybe we can never be that good, never be, do or have what others have. We look at ourselves and feel that we are lacking something, that we can never ever become as tall as that tall poppy. So what do we do to avoid feeling that pain, we try to cut down the tall poppy in the hope that we might accept our mediocrity.
But are we really mediocre – poor, inadequate or inferior?
No. It’s just what we have come to believe, feel and accept about ourselves. It’s not our truth. It’s not the truth about who we really are.
May I humbly suggest you begin now by praising yourself, recognizing your talents, gifts, success, achievements and good qualities? Also, do it to other people. Begin with small, sincere compliments. The more you do it, the better you will feel and the easier it will come to you. Soon, you will also notice others praising you and you will feel good about receiving that praise rather than deflecting or denying it.
If you want to raise your self-esteem and increase your self-confidence, listen to my brand new hypnosis CD, “Supreme Self-Confidence”. It will help you at a subconscious level to recognize your talents and abilities, so that you can quickly feel confident, capable and self-assured.
Remember to check out my blog on my website to read my past Success Newsletters, post your comments and take a few exciting quizzes. If you have received this newsletter as a forward and would like to receive all of my newsletters please enter your email address on the home page.
I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.