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Removing The Obstacles to Love and Success – Roots of Guilt and Shame

In this Success Newsletter, I would like to talk to you about removing the obstacles to your joy, success and happiness.

As a Human Behavior Expert and Clinical Hypnotherapist, I have found that one of the most powerful obstacles to experiencing love, joy and success is our focus on our own guilt and shame.

Guilt is about something wrong you believe you did and shame might be the belief that there is something innately wrong with you because you did something wrong in someone else’s eyes. Ultimately, shame and guilt lead us to the same conclusions: we are bad, we do not deserve the best, we do not deserve to be loved, we do not deserve to have good feelings and we deserve to be punished.  These are judgments that we have made about ourselves.

Roots of guilt
Who we are today is the result of our programming – everything we have learned, experienced and concluded to be true about us and the world. The largest portion of our programming – our personality, character and beliefs are formed during childhood.  The most powerful messages sent to us as children come in the form of what we were told by our parents or caretakers. If our parents repeatedly told us how much they love us unconditionally, how wonderful, talented and special we are, then we will grow up believing those things and we will live them out. If our parents told us you can do anything you choose to do, then you will also grow up believing that and it will become your story and reality. You will most likely find yourself living out your dream job or career and you will have a powerful sense of freedom, security and confidence.

If, on the other hand, your parents repeatedly told you that you are a loser, stupid, dumb and will amount to nothing, then unless you have worked very hard to change that belief, you will grow up believing that you are dumb and a loser and you will probably be struggling most of your life to get by.  Criticism, condemnation and judgment are the most destructive words that parents can use on their children. It is the criticism we receive as children that transforms into adult guilt.

When a parent repeatedly tells its child what is missing, what is wrong, then the criticism, judgment and imperfections become the highlights. The child will believe that nothing it ever does or who it is will be good enough. Mistakes and failings will turn into guilt and shame, and the belief that there is something wrong with him/her. In turn, the child will as an adult criticize, condemn and judge other people or, control them or be controlled by them via guilt. Feelings of guilt and shame will lead to the belief that we need to be punished, that we doesn’t deserve the best. And of course, that belief translates into every area of our life. If you feel you are bad and don’t deserve love and happiness, then you will sabotage everything in your life – not just romantic relationships but business, family and career.

Until you can release the guilt and shame, you will not attract into your life the type of relationships you want and you will not enjoy what you have or do. In my next Success Newsletter, I will share techniques to help you to set yourself free from guilt and shame. And due to popular demand, for those that are having problems sleeping, I now have created the “Sleep Deeply –Now and always” hypnosis.

I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist

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