In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the BS stories we tell ourselves and reveal that when you change your story, you change your life.
First a quick update:
“4 Steps To Overcoming Resentment”
Resentment is that bad, hostile or evil feeling towards someone whom you believe wronged you. Take the resentment questionnaire and learn the 4 steps to overcome resentment and end the poison
“Women Are Gold Diggers & Use Men For Money – Johnny Depp & Amber Heard”
Amber Heard accuses Johnny Depp of abuse and the world accuses her of lying and being a gold digger. If women use men for money, what do men use women for? There is a double standard of the judgment made against young women who date or marry rich, older men (he’s the victim, she’s the gold digger) versus young women who date older men who have no money (he’s the predator and she’s the victim)! Watch the video!
Now, let’s talk about the BS stories we tell ourselves and the revelation that when you change your story, you change your life.
Who are you? What is your life? What has happened to you? What is your story?
Whichever way you set out to answer these questions, you will ultimately use the same method and approach – you will tell a story.
We understand the world by how we retrieve memories. Re-order information into stories to justify how we feel.
– Stephen Elliott – The Adderall Diaries
Every one of us has a story – the way we explain what we experienced and who we are, and the justification for the way we feel and the way we perceive ourselves and the world around us.
“The ways in which we understand and share the stories of our lives therefore make all the difference. If we tell stories that emphasize only desolation, then we become weaker. If we tell our stories in ways that make us stronger, we can soothe our losses and ease our sorrows. Learning how to re-envision the stories we tell about ourselves can make an enormous difference in the ways we live our lives.” David Denborough – Retelling the Stories of Our Lives: Everyday Narrative Therapy to Draw Inspiration and Transform Experience
Our story is our interpretation of our life. That interpretation can be twisted to bring us down, hold us back, make us a helpless victim or, it can be molded to lift us up, inspire us, set us free, empower us and assist us to fully embrace life and live our potential.
What’s Your Story?
Read the following once first and then come back and read it again and write down your answers.
What are the things you constantly tell yourself? What are the voices in your head – your committee or inner chatterbox – telling you?
Who are the players in your story? Name them.
Who is the instigator, perpetrator or persecutor (probably someone else)?
Who is the victim (probably you)? Who has suffered the most (probably you)?
What is your role? What are you supposed to be doing?
What are the reasons & things you tell yourself to hold you back from living life?
What are the reasons & things you tell yourself to prevent you from enjoying life?
What are the reasons & things you tell yourself that support your ‘right’ to be suffering, hurting, depressed, paralyzed, broken, hopeless, angry, vengeful, bitter, etc.?
“A stranger can see in an instant something in you that you might spend years learning about yourself. How awful we all are when we look at ourselves under a light, finally seeing our reflections. How little we know about ourselves. How much forgiveness it must take to love a person, to choose not to see their flaws, or to see those flaws and love the person anyway. If you never forgive you’ll always be alone.” – Stephen Elliott – The Adderall Diaries
Analyze Your Story & Beliefs
When you review what you have written down, your story will most likely read like this:
I am a victim. It’s not my fault. Person X did this to me. Person X is the perpetrator of my problems. Person X caused my pain. Person X is the persecutor who is causing all of my pain and suffering. Person X destroyed my life. I have suffered so much and my life is a waste and I am helpless and hopeless and it is all the fault of Person X. I am completely powerless over my life.
Version 2 will read like this:
I am bad. It is all my fault. I caused all of this pain, suffering and ruination of my life. I deserve to be suffering. I have suffered so much and my life is a waste and I am helpless and hopeless and I am completely powerless over my life.
Your New Story
If you completed the above 2 steps, it will be clearly evident that you are either playing the victim or you believe you deserve to suffer. Both versions actually run away from responsibility. Only in extreme cases is an adult a real victim (muggings, rape, etc.) In most cases, we contributed to the outcome. And if you did do something that created a poor or negative result in your life, beating yourself up doesn’t resolve anything. In both instances, take responsibility for your role and your part & contribution to the outcome. Now use that powerful tool of responsibility to create a new story and to remold your life.
“We all think we’re retaliating,” I say. “That’s the nature of conflict. We all think our actions are justified by someone else’s actions. But actually, we’re responsible for what we do.” – Stephen Elliott – The Adderall Diaries
How do you create a new story without simply engaging in denial, self-deception or fantasy?
Review the facts of your story (the facts VS your interpretation.) Now review all of the facts and accept responsibility for whatever role you played or whatever way you contributed to the outcome.
What did you learn from this experience?
Were you truly a victim back then? If so, how are you still a victim?
Why did you do (or not do) in the relationship/event/situation?
What will you do next time?
What part of you were you hiding?
What can you focus on now that will push you forward and set you free of the past?
Remember, it’s not what happens to you, but rather, the way you choose to respond to what happens to you that will determine the long-term outcome.
Finally, remember that everything you say is just a story, it is just one interpretation of your life and if that interpretation doesn’t help you, then change that interpretation and create a new story now!
You can add to the conversation below.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.