What happened in your last relationship – with your Ex? What ended the relationship. Dr. Wanis reveals the two signs that clearly spell the end for your relationship.
What do you think are the top 5 causes of relationships breakups?
Is one of these the reason that you broke up with your Ex?
In this interview, Dr. Wanis reveals the two signs that your relationship is over.
In Dr. Patrick Wanis’ Free Breakup Test, over 5,000 people responded to reveal the top 5 reasons they broke up with their Ex.
One is “constant arguments.” Dr. Wanis reveals that there is also an emotion that once realized says your relationship is over – and incidentally it is an emotion usually exhibited by women more than men. And it is not the action of nagging!
It is contempt.
Contempt is one of the two signs that your relationship is over.
The dictionary defines contempt as “the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn.” This emotion leads to another emotion of anger as well as disgust. Therefore, one partner begins to look down upon the other person and expresses disgust, disdain, rejection but above all, a sense of superiority. Once the dynamic in the relationship shifts from love, affection, tenderness, care, concern, support, kindness, patience and understanding to contempt, then the relationship is over . A relationship cannot survive when one person acts superior to the other and treats them as if they are worthless, unlovable, insignificant or simply deserving of hatred or being completely ignored when not being scorned.
Listen below to the interview with Dr. Wanis for the two signs that your relationship is over. And click here if you need to Get Over Your Ex! and click here for The 5 Signs That Reveal It is Time To End Your Relationship Read the full transcript further below.
Anna: When do you know that it’s time to break up? Whether you’re dating or you’re in a marriage, there has to be certain signs that say, ‘Hey, listen this isn’t going to work going forward.’
Raven: Yeah, it would be nice to know those signs before things get really expensive or really painful.
Anna: Right. Dr. Patrick Wanis is a human behavior expert – patrickwanis.com. Dr. Wanis. Are there signs to say, ‘Hey listen. Let me get out of this before we go any further?
While there are many signs, I think the most important point to make is that it’s not always black-and-white; there aren’t always absolutes. But here are some of the things to be aware of that say to you, ‘Look! This is not going to get any better and it’s not going to change.’
The first one is: Are either of you willing to get help? And if your partner isn’t willing to get help, or if you think it’s only your partner’s fault, that’s not going to work.
Here are some of the main causes of breakups: When a couple is constantly arguing, and when it moves to resentment, to constant hatred, then that’s the end of the relationship.
If you look down upon your partner as well as having lots of arguments and you are approaching your partner with contempt that’s the end of the relationship. It’s beyond redemption. You can’t heal it; you can’t save it once contempt enters.
Also, look at your values. Are your values constantly clashing?
If you want different things in life, or you are at different stages in life, that usually can’t be resolved. Wanting different things in life is specifically about values; being in different stages of life is about responsibilities. And so you can’t just ignore your responsibilities, and you can’t expect your partner to change their values.
Also, look at what are your issues and what are your partner’s issues. Again, if your partner has issues that are screwing up your relationship, and your partner is not willing to get help, then you can’t heal that. Now if you have issues, then you’ve got to go and get help.
And if you think that your habit or your behavior is destructive, then maybe you don’t necessarily end the relationship, but you have to separate and give yourself time to get yourself the help. This, of course, depends on the context and circumstances of the relationship.
Raven: My father used to say, “If you have a foundation of a house right, you get a crack, there could be some water seeping, and there could be some animals getting in, whatever, you’re going to fix it, you get address it right away. If not, the whole house is going to come down, sooner or later.
Yes, And the other thing that’s really important to remember when you’re considering if it is the time for us to break up is, what are the main things that are happening in this relationship? What’s the dominant emotion or behavior? Is one person or the other constantly criticizing, attacking, stonewalling, judging, blaming, comparing, or even playing the victim?
Anna: And Dr. Wanis do you think that just growing apart with age is a reason enough to get a divorce?
It’s not the aging that has created the problem. It’s the fact that the values have changed, or the values have evolved, and now there’s a clash in values. So, you’ll often find this, it’s called “Empty Nesting”, and so the couple now have children that have gone to college, and now they don’t know what to do with themselves, and they realize, “Oh, I’m not really that into my partner anymore.” Well, that’s because you weren’t before, but you had so many distractions with your children that you were able to stay together, but, now you realize, ‘We don’t have that much in common anymore.’ Again, the values have changed.
Anna: Good advice, Dr. Patrick Wanis. Visit him at patrickwanis.com
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.