In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the reason so many single women complain that they cannot find a good man – and offer a solution.
First a quick update:
The Breakup Test
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Are You A Victim of The Three Thieves of Happiness?
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You are a single woman complaining about not being able to find the right man.
You know what you want; you are very clear about what you want in a man.
Great start: You can’t hit a target if you don’t have one!
What you want in the man and relationship for you, is a man who with whom you have good chemistry. He must be talented at satisfying you sexually and want you whenever you want him to want you, while still respecting your body.
He must be successful; he must be established financially or earning well.
He must take care of himself physically; he must be spiritual or have strong faith.
He needs to call you and text you when you want; he has to love and adore you.
He must be able to cherish and reassure you that you are the one, the only one for him.
He must be willing to spend money on you; buy you flowers & gifts, wine and dine you in good restaurants.
He needs to be spontaneous and a planner – willing to take you traveling to different places in the US and abroad.
He must treat you like a princess or queen and give you the freedom and independence that you want.
He needs to be patient, understanding and empathetic; listen to you but not give you loads of advice; give you attention but not be suffocating.
He must be patient and accepting when you are irritable, in a bad mood or having a bad day.
He has to get along with your girlfriends, family and children (if you have any) or want more children (or not want more children.)
He has to enjoy the things you do such as special food lifestyle (vegan, vegetarian, pescatarian, keto), yoga, retreats, meditation, women’s issues, and so forth. He has to honor and support your diets and change his diet to match yours and not tempt you.
He must give you your personal space but still take you out for brunch.
He has to be secure in himself and not be needy or desperate.
He must have integrity, values, strong character, and be a provider.
Finally, he must be on a journey of self-growth and he must be able to maintain your lifestyle or elevate it.
Surely it is not that difficult to find a man to fit these criteria, is it?
Why is it so difficult to find such a man?
This is a list that various single women have repeated to me – most of them over the age of 35 and struggling to find, keep or develop a relationship with the man they describe.
As I said earlier, it is a great start to know what you want in a relationship.
Now, what are you willing to give; what are you offering in return?
“That’s a good question”, one woman said to me.
‘Yes, it is. What is your answer?’
“I need to think about it.”
And therein lies the primary reason so many single women struggle to find the man they describe.
The struggle is not simply because the man you are describing needs to be perfect and thus, he hails from another planet. No. The struggle is because you are focused on receiving and taking.
Tough Love For Single Women
What will you do to make the relationship work?
What will you give to him, to the relationship?
What will you do to please him?
Do you think that beauty and sex is all you need to offer him to please him?
As long as you are well-dressed, look good in your makeup, expensive clothing and jewelry along with the Botox and implants, then he will be completely satisfied, right?
And what would you do if there were an accident, and you could not have sex; how would you please him?
What will you do when your external beauty fades and the Botox no longer works?
Are you willing to read your own list and see if you can apply the same criteria to yourself?
Will you meet all the requirements you have of him?
Will you treat him like a king and pay attention to him?
Will you do things with him or sit there by his side when he is watching sport or a program that does not really interest you?
Will you have regular and exciting sex, and support him when things & times are tough?
Will you express gratitude for the things he does? Will you say, ‘Thank you’ instead of constantly complaining that he isn’t doing or being enough?
Will you accept him as he is, or will you keep trying to change him?
Will you be as perfect as you want him to be?
Contrary to what media and advertising preach and sell to you, men are not looking for the perfect woman. In fact, men do not judge you as harshly as the media, your girlfriends, other women, and you judge yourself.
Men are not looking for the Photoshopped woman.
Men are looking for a woman who is intelligent, attractive, independent, and sweet; a woman who will complement them and build a life together. Men do not want a woman who is entitled, selfish, jaded, bitter, angry, controlling, refuses to be vulnerable, demands perfection, and whom they know will never be satisfied and will never be able to be satisfied.
No one is perfect; no man, no woman.
Whether you are a single woman or already in a relationship, be willing to look inside and notice if you are seeking perfection in a man while running away from your own issues or emotional void. Remember, that while you judge others so harshly, you are doing the same to yourself, even if it is at a subconscious level. Look for a man who will love and accept you and your imperfections as much as you will love and accept him and his.
If you would like help professional help to heal the past, improve your relationships and resolve your issues, book a one-on-one session with me.
You can add to the conversation below.
I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.