In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to like to reveal the types of lies you might tell yourself and the way they cause suffering.
First a quick update:
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“The greatest sources of our suffering are the lies we tell ourselves.” – Elvin Semrad
The lies are the illusions and fantasies which you use to escape the truth about you and your life.
What lies do you tell yourself? Here are 7 lies you tell yourself:
1. Lies you tell yourself about your relationship
Perhaps you are lying to yourself about who your partner truly is, the relationship you have, or where the relationship is going. One client struggled to face the truth that she created a fantasy about her boyfriend.
Suffering from the lies: She wasted time and ignored the truth that he is not going to change and does not want children, ignoring what is truly important to her – becoming a mother.
2. Lies you tell yourself about who you are
Perhaps you are lying to yourself and denying the truth of your humanity. Are you willing to face your imperfection, your mistakes, your conflicted feelings?
You don’t need to reject certain aspects of yourself in order to be liked or accepted by other people. Accordingly, notice the way that you negate yourself for having certain feelings, desires and thoughts.
Suffering from the lies: Perfectionism is exhausting and leads to self-loathing and perpetuates the subconscious belief, ‘I am not good enough or worthy.’
Perhaps you are constantly trying to put out the fire in others i.e., trying to change others. Look at the things that you reject in other people and the things that you judge in other people because they are most likely reflections of the things you are rejecting and judging about yourself.
Suffering from the lies: Trying to change others is exhausting, futile; it causes frustration, resentment, and destroys relationships; you are actually rejecting yourself
3. Lies you tell yourself about where you are right now in life
Jeanne tells a lengthy lie at a dinner boasting about a boyfriend who does not exist and about a house that the imaginary boyfriend is buying her in another state. She thinks that she cannot bear to accept the pain of the truth of her life at this moment – she is alone, lonely and not as wealthy as her friends.
Suffering from the lies: She hates who she is and thinks she is only worthy and likable by her friends when she creates a false image that she cannot live up to; the lie does nothing to heal or resolve her pain of loneliness or self-loathing. Delusion causes stress and anxiety and prevents you from living out your potential.
4. Lies you tell yourself about the source of your pain and problems
Perhaps you blame everyone else for the things that are wrong in your life or for your unhappiness.
Suffering from the lies: When you choose to blame other people, you remain stuck and paralyzed; you become powerless and helpless to improve and change your life.
“You can pretend to be something other than who you are but eventually you will run out of energy to continue because that’s not authentically you.” – Caroline Myss
5. Lies you tell yourself about your past
Perhaps you refuse to accept and resolve the experiences of the past: things that didn’t work out, never came to pass or things you missed out on such as a loving, caring childhood and family.
Suffering from the lies: Denial of the deeper pain leads to other pain such as anxiety and depression, and negatively impacts your relationships – you live with resentment, anger, fear, self-pity or the inability to trust others.
6. Lies you tell yourself about your future
Perhaps you have created a fantasy and illusion whereby you believe that people will change or that you can change them.
Suffering from the lies: You don’t love the person for who they are; you are in love with their potential. Therefore, waiting for someone to change makes you completely impotent: you are at their mercy. Are you going to spend your entire life suffering while you wait for someone else to change, particularly if that person’s behavior is negative or toxic?
7. Lies you tell yourself about what you feel
Perhaps you refuse to accept the pain of your feelings: guilt, anger, shame, self-blame, unworthiness, self-doubt, or even grief.
Suffering from the lies: Unresolved painful emotions lead to self-destructive behavior. If you feel guilty, you will find ways to punish or sabotage yourself. If you carry shame, you will hide and isolate yourself. If you are angry or bitter, you will take it out on others. If you refuse to grieve properly, you will engage in obsessive, addictive or self-destructive behaviors.
Why do you lie to yourself? Four reasons
“The first reaction to truth is hatred. The moment it appears, it is treated as an enemy.” – Tertullian (circa 150-225)
1. It’s too much
We lie to ourselves because we think we cannot face and bear the truth – that it is too much. Yes, perhaps on your own it might be overwhelming, but when you are willing to face the truth with the help of the right person, you can resolve and heal the pain. and take charge of your life.
If you are willing to face what you usually avoid or have avoided you can heal.
What are you doing that creates problems in your life?
What is the truth about yourself that you don’t want to acknowledge but, which you have to acknowledge?
“We have three choices in life: to kill ourselves, go crazy, or learn to live with what we have in life.” – Elvin Semrad
2. I must be my ideal self
Remember, your torture comes from the expectation you place on yourself. In other words, you think that you are supposed to be your ideal self rather than accepting where you are as you continue the journey to becoming your ideal self. And yet also knowing that you’ll never really become the ideal self. Why? Because the ideal self that you’ve created is most likely an ideal of perfection.
3. I can only love myself when I become a fantasy
Stop trying to convert yourself into the fantasy that you have of yourself. We suffer by lying to ourselves that we can only love ourselves when we are the fantasy that we’ve created about selves.
4. I can not love myself when my parents or family rejected me
Embrace the part and part of yourself that your family parents and others rejected. That is your ultimate goal: To get to the place of self-acceptance and self-compassion. Let go of the lies and fantasies that you have about the way that the world should be, and the way that you should be.
In conclusion, you can stop the lies you tell yourself and you can get professional help to face the truth, heal the pain, guilt or shame, and to accept yourself. Therefore, book a one-on-one session with me.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.